Broken Mirror

Fear is held, and it tells dominant
Abscence of self confidence in prominent
A living hell, cant anyone strip away this spell
Sick of observing chicks, wonder if imma tip her scale
Mission failed, not suprised, im asking why...
...Only time will tell.
In instant pale minutes, im obsessed with self image
I got a lot of problems, the list is endless
LEARNED to stay in stealth, CONCERNED about my health
BURNED up all my wealth, TURNED away the hand thats delt
I YEARNED for something else.
Uncertainty reoccuringly drastically burdens me
Wanna give my self plastic surgery and turn this white tee burgandy
What do i believe? Do i belong in grief?
Can someone please explain what the fuck it wrong with me?
Resistance to this perception, my existence comes into question
Nothing seems to lessen the depression reflected by my own reflection
I must confess, the stress eats deep into my chest
Im sure theres nothing left, seems hopeless but i cant lose focus...
..on myself fuck the rest
All is forsaken, would it be a mistake to pop medication?
Anything to stop the problems im facing
Embracing no one, im behind enemy lines inside my mind
Im a soldier though, but how could i overthrow my own thrown and regain whats mine
Only a matter of time until i do something stupid
Wanna catch a dart in the heart from cupid, its useless
These deserted dreams beggining are lucid, tellin me life is worth it...
..then prove it
Im fighting to smile but behind it im hiding
The pain never subsiding, all these thoughts r colliding
Im jus chillin trying to conceal all these feelings, without tearing
Better off dissapearing, my head needs clearing

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...263/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...508/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...232178&posted=

I remember you. . . what was it you once said to me??? "any1 of my open mics would kill u" . . . well lets see if thats true :)

o.k. concept wise, its whatever. . been done before. . but I can definitely appreciate the imagery and nice choice of vocab.

The flow was good in most spots, and you just seemed to run off in your sentence in other spots. .

Example:

Quote:

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Can someone please explain what the fuck it wrong with me?
Resistance to this perception, my existence comes into question
Nothing seems to lessen the depression reflected by my own reflection

---

- seemed a tad bit forced. I enjoy multis, but in this case they just read jumbled together, and i think it could have been cleaned up a little. . nothing big, just stating

Another one. .

Quote:

---

Im a soldier though, but how could i overthrow my own thrown and regain whats mine

---

- again, seemed a bit of a stretch, and just fyi, both quotes had minor grammatical errors . . but again, just stating. . and as a whole, these minor issues dont take a whole lot away from this piece

Otherwise, I actually really enjoyed this read. It definitely felt emotional, and i feel you captured the mood you intended to display in your work here

Good piece, still not convinced of how true your comment was towards me though :)~

Well thanks fam, I appreciate it

i thought it was cool.. nothing new with the concept, but still good verse to me.. i thought some lines in terms of multis was a lil stretched.. but for the most part alot/most of it flowed well too me.. good vocab usage too.. i hate reading what seems to be a dictionary.. the only parts i didn't like that much was the real long lines, but.. overall good/pretty nice verse

uppp

Lol real good on the vocab and everything, and a nice spin on the topic.....flowed decent as well

You used alot of good multis but like people said above you def had some forced rhymes

In the future try to keep your syllable count down a little on some of your lines and they wont seem stretched

But overall this was pretty good i enjoyed reading it atleast

stay up

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...postid=8235637

if you cant get around to it, feed this

Upp

Self confidence issues are a pretty common topic, tbh. No hate, just stating. Anyways, you had some good bars, some average ones, and a few that were meh, imo. You did a good job of portraying your concept, however, as much as I like multies, they should come natural and not forced. There were a few spots that your flow suffered unnecessarily, because of the multies. Personally, I think you're focusing too much on lyricism and multies and it hurt this piece. Keep dropping, though man!