"Amy" by Behemoth Black

https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.-...iQHaHO&pid=Api



"Bonsoir, monsieur, avez-vous décidé?"

"Non, désolé, je suis juste ici pour le spectacle..."

I waited with my glass of champagne as the waiter walked away,
spent the last several days clinging onto memories and raw pain.
I thought I was strong, strange how a woman can prove us wrong,
what I thought was love tasted like blood -- or bourbon on the rocks.
I remember the first time I felt those vibes; sipping a freshly brewed latte,
hearing her on the radio made me so high -- "gone to find her big blue jay."
I couldn't believe the way she sings, like every word flowed in my veins,
it became a curse, or maybe a dream, as she tattooed lyrics to my brain.
A miraculous change to my mood... I would never be the same,
like my DNA was rewritten by her truth, I needed to see her play.

That year for Christmas, it was my only wish to watch my muse perform,
and despite a storm, I went to a gig where she bloomed evermore.
The way she played guitar... the way her vocals painted the room...
tears flooded my eyes as I was hypnotized, serenaded and swooned.
The shame in her blues, the joy in her Jazz, consumed with every rift,
I noticed the bottle fading fast... but I drew closer to her cherry lips.
Imagining a married kiss, she had me in a trance, an unstoppable slow dance,
so there I stood, a fool, thinking up stories about an impossible romance.
My heart drifted into her hands, and it was like the Earth moved below,
"Take a token, of my love, I see you through the smoke..."

"We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times,"
man, that line has never touched a soul quite like mine.
The first time I snorted a line, every time I've lost my path,
both times I've crossed to the other side she brought me back.
At the bottom of every slur, I found myself with a reason to live,
but then she'd become weak enough for her demons to win.
When they found Amy, I hoped that before her flame seized,
that maybe she'd found the same peace her music gave me.

"And I'll battle 'til this bitter finale,
just me, my dignity and this guitar case."

*Italic lines by Amy Winehouse*

For the concept I wished more for the piece like how “candle in the wind” was for Marilyn Monroe - the words were good but kinda creepy concept like it went from eric Clapton (he wrote candle in the wind, right?) to the guy on Whitney in the movie body guard - I hope I don’t offend you by saying that but that’s not how I see celeb crushes - just different and weird to me - that’s all

Your feedback is shit.

I couldn't believe the way she sings, like every word flowed in my veins,
it became a curse, or maybe a dream, as she tattooed lyrics to my brain

love this line write hear, tattoo lyrics to my brain is a sweet way of saying memorizing the words.

on the whole this piece was extremely well written. vocabulary was used quite well. imagery was off the charts, very much reminded me of a spoken word piece. you are a poet my friend. Id love to hear some more stuff from you so keep dropping and ill continue checking out your stuff.

8/10

Check me out if you have some time peace bro

Really good work here. I don't have time to feed atm, I might come back to it but just wanted to let you know its sensitive work written with obvious passion and respect to the singer.
More poetic than om'ish but still so fitting and deserving.

Good stuff.

It's been forever since I've come and fed anything at all on RB so if im not feeding in my usual way, you'll have to excuse the time I've spent away.

There's so much that's right about this piece imo. The deep rooted vision never looses strength. I feel like im reading the presence you wanted to capture. I say that because the imagery you've portrayed is strong, authentic, with raw emotions pulling at heart strings in a vulnerable beautiful way for all to see. You've not held back when choosing your words, you've conveyed a msg so clear that I can hear music in your wording. And thats music without alliteration which isnt easy to pull off. You've got some soft rhymes that I believe add to this type of written work, the airy nature imo add to the atmosphere. I don't think this would be as alluring if it were jam packed with heaps of internals and multis in a rap fashion. The way it breathes its murmurs and sighs blows inspiration into me, and I feel like you've painted something very special here.
This is a strong poem with an unmistakable voice showcasing the admiration the author has for the singer in a consistent manner.
I think the structure was maintained well, backed by tone that's fitting for a piece like this. All in all I think this is a well crafted piece of work with some stunning lines. I especially love your outro. Such a great way to end. You did this justice imo and if I wanted to nit pic, Id probably find something that's not on par with the best lines but why would I do that to something that's left such a good impression on me? I wouldn't bother because the good way outweighs any bad I might find.

It was a pleasure reading this.
Great Read.


Thank you.

Emily. Thank you.

@Behemoth _black yeah that’s why I hate to do it cause I’m not one of these professional critics. I passed out of high school English and never took it - so I can’t critique grammar or style either... I guess I can’t say I’m new to this but at the same time I’m not even sure what a bar is so I just say what was good Or bad when I relate. And I really only do it cause if I don’t post my links I lose my free sky drive. Fuck it.