WOP Noshow: At My Own Funeral

At My Own Funeral



The Funeral
I stand as a ghost, saddened. Staring & my closed casket.
So tragic that I see my foes laughing in row five.
I grow maddened seeing tears stream from mom’s closed eyes.
I was grown in havoc & went down the right road to die.
I feel cold inside, could do right but never chose to try.
I chose to lie - the life of crime was sold to I. .
Me. . Us. . My crime family berthed me then earthed me?
Can’t say that doing wrong never irked me, when the smirks fleed.
Hurting the innocent hurt me. Us: tough guise, certainly.
I watched friends mourn, & my funeral taking place.
I hear her tint is warm, as my wife sings Amazing Grace.
Death, the scent is strong, as I cock back & raise the eight.


A ghost, watching my own family morn
My mother crying: "he cannot be gone."


The Car Bomb
The don was in the hospital dying, & I was next in line.
Sad, but I would be new boss, so It was the best of times.
I couldn’t regret the crimes that made me the next to shine.
The Boss’s death was coming. I didn’t know, but next was mine.
See, my right hand man, Al, was plotting to take my place.
I raised that snake, but now he wanted to make my grave -
Take my reins, & run the family when the don passed.
Times of loyalty & friendship had gone, fast
Thinking back, I suck in one long gasp.
The C4 under the driver’s seat was hard to notice.
Lost in memories of that bomb make it hard to focus.
I heard the engine start on my Benz, then the car exploded. .


A ghost, watching my own family morn
My wife crying: "he cannot be gone."


The Cappo
A cappo overheard Al laughing about planting the C4.
He came to me before I hopped through the driver’s seat door.
He spilled the info to me, so I needed to take recourse.
I ‘d loved the last few week & I needed to see more.
I told a bodyguard to start the car & I left the state.
Al assumed his body was mine, so he rested safe.
The casket’s closed, body burned, so no one could test the face.
. . .I told no one my plot, so even my mother & wife are here
At my funeral, but then . . I appear. .
Al’s face shows he’s reached the heights of fear
That's nothing though. . I’ll make him hurt more'
I raise my gun & blow his brains on the church floor.


The city is mine.



a product of Hence Forward.

good job, dude.. first verse was okay.. everything in it was pretty much on point.. once I got to the second and third verse.. BANG.. fuckin' pure dopeness.. dont get me wrong.. first verse is dope.. "just not as dope".. well.. only my opinion.. all bullshit talk aside.. overall.. everything was just dope.. decent vocabulary.. wording was good.. no errors or anything that threw me in another direction.. no multi's seemed forced.. which gave this a nice and smooth consistant flow throughout the whole piece.. what more can I say, bro?.. max skill.. keep writing... -un0..

Wow......haven't seen storytelling this good in a long while you know?.......
in the beggining you had us fooled like you were really gone for good.

then theres the part where the capo alerted you to the judas and the security gaurd wwas the one blown up in the car....Dope plot right there
some real dark and creative shit....
I also liked how it was written with you being in a Crime family...thats added suspense to the piece and gave you more characters to add to it.

Great subject chosen......rhyme scheme wasn't the most complex but didn't really need to be for this to be a dope piece...

Rating 9/10

stay up^^

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-358408.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-357005p2.html

Thanks for the feed.

Uppage

aw shit...this some nice ass shit here
i was expectin to read about u describin da funeral n da people around n all then i saw u actually added HOW u died...then got surprised that u didnt even die n how u showed up at ya own funeral n killed him for attemptin to kill u
loved da storyline n how it was mob like shit

Dope shit here my dude...vivid imagery..and just a solid effort..in putting this one together...man the emotion was strong..the flow was on point as always...and this was nothing more than what I expected from you my dude...the breakdown and subtitle's really helped get the message across....overall the storyline was just brillant IMO..man good shit...nice read..

Really! I think your a f@#% wit... but that was a real good read. The twist was entertaining. It was contextually inconsistent but still well executed-(Chuckle chuckle...get it?..."executed")

aha! fuck this was nice... great storyline, a typical mafia story with a dope twist... definitely my kind of read. went real smoothely, and I enjoyed the twists and turns along the way. too bad it was no showed because I have a feeling this verse would've been VERY hard to top. again, great read... keep the juices flowing... and good luck in our WoP match this week bro.




here, have a link... me and Jus Write... "To Each His Own"



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...wn-358755.html

yea like every been sayin that shit wass hot man loved that peice dont got no fav lines everything was perfect real nice story telling and flow and everything loved the peice

peace

such great musterations, such dopeness, juss callim frnk lucas 08 uppage