Sweet, sweet child
please stay put in that pose
from that picture on the wall
The one where you still smile
staring back at the lens
looking at me,
and then…
We touch
Kindred souls separated
by time.
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Sweet, sweet child
please stay put in that pose
from that picture on the wall
The one where you still smile
staring back at the lens
looking at me,
and then…
We touch
Kindred souls separated
by time.
Well, this is a bit lush isn't it?
Sweet in nature and melodic tone.
Sweet in delivery and stance.
Sweet in the taste left in my mouth.
Stunningly fragrant over all.
The imagery is strong. Like I've got her picture in front of 'me'.
The youthful nature has come alive and stains your page beautifully
with the air she carries. And all because, of your pen poise.
I love the ...'and then...We touch...'
So, serene.
Lovely Read, TheIllyricist.
I get a memorial feel to it like a motherless child who looking back for the remnants of her mother. You invoke so much in a small space that this digs at your soul. You are surrounded by the sullen feeling the character that has this laser focus to find an answer to rise about this feeling that the character is going through. Overall this is dope. Love it....
very lyrical. Not in a "rapping" manner but lyrical as in heightened emotion. Concise language made this poem work, imo. The word "Sweet" has such a nice peaceful connotation. As does action words like "smile". Then i read it a 3rd and 4th time and a heavy feeling loomed .. slowly realizing that i'm being absorbed by the sad underlying nature of the poem. This is obviously a piece about "loss". "We touch" was such a powerful moment in this poem. It gave the character and the reader a very calm sense of comfort. Its that type of nuance that's the shining point of much of your verses, bro. Keep writing!
Simple, yet effective. I think the longevity (or lack thereof) plays a huge part in this. I always like the pictures on the wall plays, one of my favorites to be honest. You opened up strong, great imagery, you were descriptive enough without packing too much into it, if that makes sense.
I dunno, not much else to really say, you covered everything I look for in a poem in an impressive amount of lines. Really nice