Waiting. . .

Waiting. . .
Written By: Pique

Waiting for this life to show meaning.

Whips similar to lightening strikes
on these knees for my punishment
simply waiting out life and the likes
until welts bring me some judgment.

Land's of blue and green decease
as humanity begins it's final chapter
I stand tall beyond this falling breed
fighting for a world worth chasing after.

The corn fields are no longer gold
rain made gashing holes in the soil
children must work out in the cold
and mothers burn until water boils.

My hourglass is running low on sand
fields of dreams are finally dead
I scan over this planet with a plan
to listen among my children's dread.

Splinters in my fingers and sweat dries
flakes fall from my skin and my hair burns
the sunlight forms a torch onto my eyes
and the sky causes my stomach to turn.

Waiting for this life to show meaning.

I've made the decision to cut off misery
by drowning the world; guess I listened
so by restarting mythological history
I've murdered Earth, flooding the system.

The weather seems to change rapidly
storms have been causing mild fires
as my family and I pray against apathy
we see the end wash by like our desires.

Done waiting for God to acknowledge our wishes.







God = Italic
Slave = Normal

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-365196.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-365215.html

Bumps

I had read this earlier, wtf at me not feeding and then you reminding me. I liked this, thought it's not better than what you've been dropping, but consistent enough to make it a sound piece. I thought you missed a bit of detail in the piece and it lost value for me. Keep on dropping. Peace.

Thanks :(

nice read dude....i still get shocked at times by your wording which i still feel you need to anti up a bit more bruh...but your flow and emotion and your sense of creativity is there dude... i feel like something is just in your way or blovking you cause when i read a piece of yours its that short of a GREAT read ya know... dude you have solid readsd but the effort of talent in it and shown progression sometimes lacks but here this piece here is a great piece in my eyes...though im no huge fan of POEMS rhyming all the way through this was a keeper man... nice job but take my advice and figure what you need to explode on man... you have the skill just needs a push

I agree, thanks bruh.

Ehh, I didn't really like this at all. First shit I've read from you and I wasn't impressed at all. Your flow was very choppy and you lacked creativity the whole way through. I think you should have used more multis and metaphors to make your verse sound like ab0ve's. No hate. of course.

Ummmm, thanks.

The bolded parts were coo. You chose those sentences well. The overall wording was decent, I can tell you're trying to improve in that area, man. And you are. The emotion was nice, there was also a good sense of occasion conveyed, imo. Overall a good drop, I see you silencing the doubters - keep it up.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ul-365197.html

RTF.

Well I think this drop was aiight but it felt like there was something missing in the content..IMO...idk it just felt incomplete..your emotion and wording were both cool..and the story was aiight as far as originality..but in the end I got nothing out of this piece but a read...you didn't really have any standout points through out...but you did have some very dope imagery.....so overall this was a cool read..I just felt it was missing something...

Good piece bro. I felt your wording was fine, it made for a more casual, fluent read. I like the transitional talking between god and the slave. I really can't find any major gripes, so I'm going to leave with good piece and hit this up.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...th-365480.html

will hit links when i get home.