Another Brick in the Wall.
http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l3...006/change.jpg
Another brick in the wall...
[Insert Glare here]
not caring about the money
but the reality I can release
with the dreams of freedom
and a signature of my name
withdrawn from a orphanage
escaping society's struggle
head shot; gun wound need
human flesh is only a cover
shelters of gold caress life
something’s have no meaning
forever is a mighty long time
and the hourglass was broken
when the morning turns day
nobody actually has a plan
just follow other's footsteps
and speak without thinking
and when day brings night
I'm still left sitting; ignored
lonely, but I do understand
everyone has their reasons
it's alright, I can't really exist
how can anyone be homeless?
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
Nice, take with the concept..you are constantly getting more precise with your wording, n always dabbling with nice ideas within each stanza...the storyline was thorough but yet very poetic....my favorite stanza was ur third one..with the hourglass it was just a nice way of displaying it..etc, overall this was a nice piece, my only thing is that if ur gonna be short with ur words you need to execute proper breaks such as commas n periods...not that its necessary but it will help guide the reader..
good piece...
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
I felt this was a good piece. However I couldn't really get drawn into this, I'd like more description of who is talking and more about how he feels, it all seemed like some sterotypical homeless guy. I was looking for something that would take him away from that but I didn't find it. Other than that the scene was well described. When you used the description of the hour glass you took me in for a minute and I was into it, but that was the only object that stuck out to me at least. i liked that you used the concept of time being broken, that spoke up for alot
Nice job here
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
no, don't feed this one lol.
Re: Another Brick in the Wall.
Closed so you'll feed that collab instead lol.
