Mental Athlete

heres the tings i rated

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3811115
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3811174

an excuse misspelt shit...............

dun 2 "can't keep runnin' away" by Pharcyde
(as soon as the drums start,the spit starts)

My mind keeps runnin',runnin' away from me,2 stop from losin' it, i'ma slow it wit THC//
but 2 many years,started 2 lose the effect,need mor,need 2 stop relyin' on dem welfare checks//
i need 2 up the status.an get myself known,but the frist thing i need 2 do is find myself a new home//
coz i know my ablity 2 kick str8 from the dome,a crew walks wit me,but i chose 2 wander alone//
perpetually on the streets,where i chose 2 roam,coz i know evently that i'll take the throne//
As the rawest emcee,wit the sickest flows,married 2 the music,an mary janes as my hoe//
wit spits so cold,that the blood dun froze,an icey head,bein' dread,but thas the way it goes//
i take all of lifes shit,an jus laugh at it,my lyrical prowess comes str8 from my mental anguish//
theres a fire in my belly,that can't b extingished,thas y i stay hungry,an abuse the english//
Dictorany,soddermise words freely,every1's heard of jnr,..........,But don't know me//
the man bhind the music,so don't confuse it,the fuked craniem,means,i'm bound 2 lose it//
flip the switch,get obtuse,shatter every bone in ya body,tho ya skin,they preturd//
the dirtyest of minds,yeah it's lude,thas howcome emcee's get brunt jus like prision food//
as a yute, i was beaten black an blue,thas y i'm this crazy cunt,alwayz stuck ina foul mood//
used 2 watchin' 4 the boydem tryin' 2 shift u,while the mans attack,so yes blud, i know the koo//
coz wit all the shit in life that i been tho,will turn 2 murdaous rage,aimed directly at you//
when i was a youth,fightin' was the only thing 2 do,till i got older,an had 2 jack mans 2 buy food//
not a rude boy,but i can b rude,an wit the lack of upbringin',i think i got an excuse//
my life?nice?don't know me,do u?mans look 2 stop me on the spot,don't want no fueds//
lyriclly shatter any man,an spark his whole crew,only trust the tru,thas y my friends r few//
while my enermies accumalate,plottin' schemes,2 send me 2 the gates,linkin' up wit nxt street teams//
blood curlin' screams,ringin' round my head,disturbed,sickin' dreams,an most my mans r dead//
lifes 2 short,4 me 2 plan ahead,could get stabbed anyday,or snacthed of road by feds//

yeah it's a long drop,but props 4 any1 droppin' feedbak

Pz

i don't like 2.............but uppin'

Uppin'

It is a very good composing, and a very good song that you have shared with us. The only good thing is his voice, and the music composition. I, in my college paper always play this song to prepare a lot better for the exams. Thanks a lot for sharing such information with others.

May Jane in my hoe �� ... I write to beats too - but your shit just kilt anything I ever did... WOW!!! Carry the torch... you do it better. I’m kinda at a loss for words... I feel your talent

They first thing I'd suggest is organizing the structure so that it's easier to read. I don't like the SMS type texting either with the "2" in lieu of what's supposed to be there, and the like. With that being said, I do like how this was written. I think the mechanics of the writing put me off, but the subject matter was just enough to keep me in the zone. The story is just good enough to keep you there without doing much more than that, which I can respect. You have potential. Clean it up some and you'll have a more promising journey.

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EDIT: I JUST REALIZED THIS SHIT BE OLD AS HELL. The fuck, Alex.

So I actually played the running song in my head as I read this as opposed to just reading it nonchalantly and it was actually very good. I felt it flowed well with the song and beat. Some of it came off a bit choppy...but overall thought this was pretty tight. Maybe try using a bit more imagery instead of direct statements...otherwise I got nothing bad to say

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