"I Wish you were a Polaroid"

I kiss your picture goodnight.

If only your life was the gift
Of photo finished laminate,
I'd hold you forever.

Replaying 8 mm memories
In reverse; 6 going on 5 I
listened to you sing out of tune
Without ever losing a smile.

I giggled, kiss my grandma's
Forehead before I make a wish.
Watching the twinkle of her eye
Dance in the flickering candle light,
Before I let a single breath that
Lasted 24 years too long.

I wasted so much breath
On that one fucking wish!
If I had one more than I
Could have tossed a penny
In that stupid metaphor;
You would have never left.

I-I love you so much

I cracked the face of that
Heckling VCR box, with
A single shotgun round
Stuck in the rewind button.

Over and over again...

Maybe if I keep watching
I can feel your hand
Holding my broken neck.
Maybe if I go back to that
Last wish I could fix it...
You could stumble over
Those same broken notes

!oooouy ot,yadhtrib yppaaaaH

I could stop hoping for a
Brand new bicycle,
I could think about someone
Else for a fucking change!

I could let the tears put
Out every single flame
As I look up to the camera
And scream my grandma's name!

I would sit there forever...

Mommy, turn off the camera.
We don't need to capture
Memories because we're
Going to sit in nanna's presents.
We're going to sleep inside
This old Polaroid forever,
And never let her go again.

Grandma, I took this
Picture just for you...
Go ahead nanna, please
Just sing that song again.

Just sing it please!

Please! This picture's for you,
Just take it and never look
At that god damn cake!
Just listen to my last wish!

... Not the one from before NO!
I have a new one, nanna, nanna please.

I made a new wish just for you.

Bump...

Ok my friend I really liked this.I thought this was very original which is you all over.Some really good emotion was drained into this piece and your creativity was just brilliant.

I giggled, kiss my grandma's
Forehead before I make a wish.
Watching the twinkle of her eye
Dance in the flickering candle light,
Before I let a single breath that
Lasted 24 years too long.

^I loved this for some reason.I found it really really clever and it really got me thinking.The imagery here was just fantastic.It painted a very good picture in my head and that is what you did through out this whole poem.The wording you used was excellent too,and you made it very easy for the reader to understand what this was about.Great poem and look foward to the next

-Dyl

Thanks alot man.

i agree with dyl. the imagery was fantastic. you really brought your emotions out on this one and it deffinatly shows. i liked the way you made everything so blan yet "in your face". nothing was left metaphorical to me which i liked. it was easy to read, understand, and enjoy, atleast for me. i could identify with this because i feel this way alot, ageing can be a very depressing thing, especially when it's coming near "closing time". your personality came out in this and i liked that. good job man.

Ya, this piece was written to be more emotional so it's alittle less cryptic as my other shit. Thanks for the feedback.

Okay first the bad parts: You had some mistakes like instead of saying "your" you said "you"....
That aside, let's see the good points:
This was an excellent piece as in it actually played images in my mind and sometimes i pictured an old washed out man replaying his life and other times i pictured a young kid frustrated or maybe confused. Being able to make your reader picture your words is a big achievment but i believe you have already passed that with many of your past pieces, no doubt.
As far as i'm concerned; this poem was an excellent piece, stay up.
if you have a minute can you leave comments on my new om, it's a colab with AO.D, called Society, thanls
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=4705322

Ya, I found the "you/your" you were talking about. Thanks man.