Verbal Violence

Aight, I dunno if y'all have this type of match here, but this is from another site where I was facing "Zeke1" and "Jumar1987" and where I was teamed with "Jroc" (just in case ya didn't understand part of the verse)..

and also, in one of Zeke's lines, he said "shovin shit in J's mouth by the fistful..." just so ya get the reference in my verse.

VV's are about being sick and sadistic.. combining flow with gore and the sickest and most painful things ya can think of.. that's what they're evaluated on... anyway, without further adue, here was my VV verse:

Drivin stakes in ya wrists 'til pain's aching then twist 'til there's blue-scars
Maim Zeke's brain, ripping the veins from their frame to tie up jumar
Thirsty? I use tar, is 'shoving shit' all ya packing in the stall?
Fuck, I take those shit writs and use 'em to papercut ya eyeballs
Cement y'all to walls and fill those eye slices with uranium
Glocks get hot with ya sockets 'til brains leaves ya cranium
Match and flame ya gums, can't handle me when I bust out the saw
Chop up both ya families and feed ya their headless bodies raw
Ya mouths get an apple to gnaw, me and J blindfolded tryin' to hit
Passin the sledgehammer 'round til' ya jawbone gets spit in bits
They're both screamin "QUIT" but my barb wire has 'em
Get starving dogs to grab them while they're having muscle spasms
We're acting as them when me and J pass their faces around
After we iron maiden their bodies and get their chest cavities' bound
Sickening soft sound I hear when I rip ya cartledges through ya ass
Tear open ya stomach to grind ya liver and trample ya heart like it's grass
Blood pours with ya gas, rip ya lips off to choke ya throat
Carve ya flesh off and gloat, wearing ya skin as a coat
Heart in ya blood floats, sprinkle anthrax on ya and chant
Putting honey as ya pants, left motionless with red ants
Make ya spinal cord slant, ya trying moving but ya can't
Rollin ya in the turbines at the glass recycling plant
Watch ya shit out ya aunt...

Y'all puking you're relatives in shreads while I set the final flames to ya beds
Just to see that you're coffins are filled with all ya family members' heads

aight dis is another one.. feedback on any/both of dem would be appreciated.. this was against the guy named "Jroc" and in his verse he talks about wesson, guns and bow and arrows.. just so one of the lines makes sense to y'all..and his last line was
"aint i sadistic? say so after i blow anthrax all over you," just so my second last line makes sense.. enjoy :D

Stab ya feet 'til pain lingers in ya toes, make ya verse look soft as snow/
Staple ya finger in ya nose, thown offa building to land on ya elbow//*
Kill ya slow, see ya own guts rage when I cut ya rib cage to ya thighs/
Smear gasoline on ya face with a knife and light a match in ya eyes//
Ya beg to die, 'cracking' ya 'lock'ed joint 'til I hear the 'clink'/
Hang you by ya eyelids and saw ya stomach 'til ya blink/
Give ya draino to drink, cut half ya neck off and fill it with maggots/
Throw ya to a group of imprisoned spiked-condomed faggots//
'Smoke' ya fingers and 'drag'-it, redefine verbal violence and abuse/
I skin ya whole body with a cheese grader and drown u in lemon juice//
Screaming's no use, gash ya brain out and make it a wreath/
Eat ya voice box and grind ya adam's apple with my teeth//
Leave ya body buried beneath, fuck ya guns, bows and wesson/
I rip from ya asshole to ya dick 'til ya shit ur intestines//
Cave ya chest in, pull out a machetti and leave ya in a puddle of red/
Open ya mouth to a curb and stomp on the back of ya head//
Leave ya nuts shread, putting acid to ya heart when I hear the thump/
Carve ya chest cavity out and stab ya lungs on every pump//
Fold ya body to a clump, rip and break ya spine with my clench/
Yank ya wisdom teeth though ya cheeks with a rusted wretch//
Ya hole emitting a stench, inject HIV'ed needles to every patch/
Rip ya heart though ya skull and microwave it... still attached//
Ya body's mismatched, bite ya arms and legs off then switch-em/
Fill every space I leave with leeches and then stitch-em//
Leaving this bitch-numb, blow ur IV tubes til ya blood boils/
Smother ya with hot vat grease til ya finally die and simmer in oil//
Now ya resting in soil..

Fuck, I take the your antrax and stab myself with a pen/
Just so I can burn wit ya and do this shit over and over again..


*if he landed on his elbow like that, his hand would tear through his face

-Ie

lol........u post'd it twice son..........tight verse though.........nice vocab.........good struct

^nice voab and good strucure is the key to makin it good!nice drop keep uppin~1luv~

Quote:

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Originally posted by $tyle/$witch
lol........u post'd it twice son..........tight verse though.........nice vocab.........good struct

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ahaha i don't even think u read them ahaha.. cuz the first and second posts of mine are different drops.. lol

anyone for some feedback that actually read it? ahah

-Ie

wat eva happened to good ol fasion rappin and just spitin a verse, not claimin to put you in herse, i just flow wit out curse, rob em them purse-sue the verse, then give u paper cuts that will cut, wit rymes thatll hurt.....u......disect your eyeballs wit lines, make you tink half the time, wat am i trying, im trying to be, violent in crime you see, im trying to try to free, myself from my mind were i be....your minds mismatched, half thatched, half weed n half grass, half seeds n half hash. half here n half stashed, your pass passed left go time to go go go go go go with your week flow....anyone can pull out sum sick 'ill cut ur throat,slit your wrists n stab your ho!', thats not flow....knock knock, whose at the door? its the poetry police, we hear some poets deceased, whats that? hes not dead.....hes just weak...lets get an ambulance please he has got hip hop HIV.....Has Insuficient Vocals......

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Inty

wat eva happened to good ol fasion rappin and just spitin a verse, not claimin to put you in herse, i just flow wit out curse, rob em them purse-sue the verse, then give u paper cuts that will cut, wit rymes thatll hurt.....u......disect your eyeballs wit lines, make you tink half the time, wat am i trying, im trying to be, violent in crime you see, im trying to try to free, myself from my mind were i be....your minds mismatched, half thatched, half weed n half grass, half seeds n half hash. half here n half stashed, your pass passed left go time to go go go go go go with your week flow....anyone can pull out sum sick 'ill cut ur throat,slit your wrists n stab your ho!', thats not flow....knock knock, whose at the door? its the poetry police, we hear some poets deceased, whats that? hes not dead.....hes just weak...lets get an ambulance please he has got hip hop HIV.....Has Insuficient Vocals......

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an its rappin like that thats goin to get u boooed>_>:hung:

boooed why?

if u read it u understand y inty >_>

i did read it...i wrote it...thats why i asked whats wrong...im open to a critic...what am i doin wrong?

all u got is multi's but no punchline
baiscly thats like goin into a battle an only bein able to rhyme but not havin
a punchline to finish u wont win that way
i found out the hard way about that kind of thing
an do u want to battle or not

yea okay i get ya....i can get a punch line....right there i took a few things from his verses and mixed them in, he referenced 'injected HIV', i thought his whole verse just got boring....my puchline dint make it tho. thanks 4 the comments, ill brush up

cool ur gettin it now