To Chris

Dear Chris

I’m not sure I ever wrote you before
You know before I ever thought I’d end up this whore
And I swore under oath
And I wore the blood of you both
But like… when it’s war and you just can’t take it no more
You ask yourself what is it all even for
I remember my growth but still lying to myself
The worse being my health (mental)
But you best believe I’m shooting for wealth
(Just be gentle)
What I want to tell him?
The condom broke and then I knew
You pulling the trigger at one man and one was pointing right back at you
At me…
Just don’t forget that I served too…
But on the strength of your permission and grace I thank you too 2
For every tear I cried… every year I ride
Every time I tried… or every line I tied
(Cause of I’ll tell you why)
Cause to be honest it took years before I finally just died inside
I can’t lie… I’m jaded again
Mad at him like oh hell no… but wow
Tell them bees they get one more sting…
Black and yellow and do it
“Do it now”
I’m just going to remind them of one thing
It’s over… it’s all over
But I keep staring at that ring
“It ain’t shit to a B boy stunting - believe me dawg it ain’t a thing”
Maybe now we can relax and just lay it out straight
Clean the black boards, throw out the trash, and wipe off the slate
Cause how I learn to heal when all I knew was don’t hesitate?
Same way how that now I’m learning how to feel and learning not to take the bate
But wait…
Yeah I know it’s me when even on time I’m always late
Thats us and what was us and god and Chris gave them to me any way
Something I saw as some hate to play or curse ended up saving my day
At least they curing my sway (when I stand I sway like when Oprah got jumped in the color purple)
And he already seen how I get lost and confused and sometimes just drive in circles
(I lost my car once too)
I don’t know what any of this means and I won’t promise yet that I’ll stay
Like I told him life is like that old book choose your own adventure
And paths can change per decision like that in a way
But every day I’m a pray again
And I’m a pray and pray
Lord give me the strength cause I already had that and then that one just like that took it all away
It’s how I feel today
… and I can’t promise how I feel won’t change tomorrow
But idk how I would feel if my soul wasn’t left to or on borrow… you know?

I just got used to a way…

Nah I am mad at the extra time… 5-8 years ago I could’ve still had babies (now it’s over… too late all around) FOR WHAT?!?!!?

- - - Updated - - -

Fighting? … foh how you not act like an animal when you caged like one?

But idk how I would DEAL if my soul wasn’t left to or on borrow… you know?*