Backstreet Spitting

Yo, stop the music but leave the beat
Listen to this backstreet spitting, so sweet
I bring the heat when I compete
Im one of the elite you can’t defeat
Seven Eight (ate) nine, I killed nine
Lyrics combine to bring you this line
Shit that’s so divine you can’t define
Amazing design and a flow that’s fine
Sitting with my pen in a space that’s confined
True freestyle, lyrics straight off my mind
Scribbled straight onto my paper
Sell this shit to get myself some paper
Watch me freestyle, my style, so hostile
I bring a vocabulary that is versatile
Differentiate, im new but you can’t underrate
Debate about my style but don’t hate


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...06-372703.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-372590.html

this was aight... this coulda been nice if you had tightened up some of the shit. Like the 789 line... when you said "i killed nine" you coulda gone into some wordplay but you left it at that... your rhyme scheme was also overly simplistic ("nine" and "mine" and "line" type shit) so it got a little boring to read towards the middle. The one two syllable rhyme you had in the whole piece rhymed the same word -_-

I aint hatin, I'm just sayin that you could elevate a lot. The same goes for everyone at the beginning... work on metas & multis and you'll be on your way. O/A this was a 6/10.

return the feedback on "Killin It (on that doom shit)"

Aight man first off, thanks for the feed back on mine...
Now about this track, its pretty good u got the right idea but i think u need to strech ur sylibles a lil... Example...

you have this wrote.....
"I bring the heat when I compete
Im one of the elite you can’t defeat"

it would flow better if u went like...
"
I'm bringin the heat you dudes losen when I compeatin
Im one of the greatest elite see you faggots can’t defeat me

see how somthing like that flows, but if u have urs writtin jus the way u want thats cool but im jus tryin 2 help ya out..................
all in all man i liked ur shit keep writing and keep it up ur pretty good.......
Peace

I appreciate the constructive criticism from both of you. I'll try to take on board what both of you said to help me improve.