individualvidication

I give her wood

To fuel the fire of desire,
I challenge her lust with my ire

We all have our reasons

When I'd see your silhouette
Formed by smoke from cigarette
I stopped smoking, & turned to sex

Anatomy is a puzzle
When her piece first met penis
Her "to be" felt completed

We all have our reasons

Bumping for feed

Well this poem was pretty forthright, "give her wood to fuel the fire of desire" - for realz bro?
I bet you can make a killer pickup line from this.

When I'd see your silhouette
Formed by smoke from cigarette
I stopped smoking, & turned to sex

The imagery, tho still pretty blatant, is working better here.


Anatomy is a puzzle
When her piece first met penis
Her "to be" felt completed

This is just vulgar, in a good way tho.

We all have our reasons

And your reason is just to fuck with the reader, right?

Anyways, howver indelicate this poem is, it has entertainment value for several reasons.
A fun little read indeed, keep posting, stay unashamed.

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Originally Posted by Conceptual

Well this poem was pretty forthright, "give her wood to fuel the fire of desire" - for realz bro?
I bet you can make a killer pickup line from this.

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Probably

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Conceptual

The imagery, tho still pretty blatant, is working better here.

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Appreciate the approval

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Conceptual

This is just vulgar, in a good way tho.

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Thank you sir

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Conceptual

And your reason is just to fuck with the reader, right?

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erm, nope ..

As always, real nice man. Personally, I feel it would have more of an impact as a spoken word piece and seriously think you should develop the piece further with that direction in mind, (if it wasn't there already that is) but as a written it still manages to engage the reader and invite them into the smooth tonality and rhythm of the poem.

There's a big difference between something being simple and it being simplistic. This, is beautifully delivered in a simplistic, almost stripped back way that though at times teeters on cliche themes such as the opener of feeding wood to fuel the fire/desire scheme not once over steps the mark with unnecessary over-dramatisation which again made me feel the at ease the whole way through as it felt organic.

You have a very natural way with words and an understanding of how to change gears with your rhyme schemes.

Nice, very nice.