Brainless (WhiteSmoke Remix)

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Imagine channeling negativity
til you're wired entirely and mega jittery
with your eyes spiraling and trippin' visually
it's a wild, lifestyle... but I live a bit differently..
yes, vivid images fly behind the lids (I'm livin' imagery)
chill, or miss this dope hit admissibly, I spit abysmally
don't get conned, get gone if ye' dismiss his consistency
convictions lead to constant victiming, call me victory
unlike y'all tikes in diapers in light of all this misery..

almost instantly roles are switched unwillingly
cuz fuck history! Imma show like lightning bolts
your limits is Benjamin essentially
infinite, eventually, you'll git it cuz when I spit it
I implement penance to sentence your sense of what a spirit is.
what I'm hearing is, remnants of Eminem's mentions
premises built on the guilt I'm trippin' on
so still the spillage and listen bruh...
it's a, privilege to listen bruh
once I've risen like yeast I'll be diving in different dimensions

diligently dispelling tension in all planes
to keep y'all sane cuz I'm reaching the feats of arcane
beseeching archaic teachings to teach me God's way
to boss play like a child caught in an arcade with a smart brain
cuz y'all sayin' he's crazy gee maybe well at least I'm not shady
I been shading out the grays daily cuz they graze on us like dairy
fuck it it's like I'm a terrier with rabies chasing
y'all away gettin scarier and racy
with the pace hittin' jays and still rippin' phrasings...
y'all still are my play-things,
so take attendance...then pay attention when I say things.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ce-Gettin-High
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...show-SS-verse)

it's a wild, lifestyle... but I live a bit differently..
yes, vivid images fly behind the lids (I'm livin' imagery)

That was dope and probably my favorite part, I enjoyed the rapid fire rhymes and appreciate the above average vocabulary you used. Altogether this was a dope piece, there were a few instances the rhyme scheme became monotonous but it was still impressive to keep that going for that long (im mainly talking about the first verse). Thanks for peepin my piece and honestly those were not the original ending lines so you caught me there lol. I guess I changed it for, idk.. shock value? Haha anyways cheers on the feed, appreciate it. If you get time check out my piece "cloak the pain" and feel free to tag or pm me whenever you want some feed. Piece

'Imagine channeling negativity
til you're wired entirely and mega jittery
with your eyes spiraling and trippin' visually
it's a wild, lifestyle... but I live a bit differently'

What a great intro Whitesmoke96. I'm a sucker for flow and cool rhymes so I really like this.
I like the second line here a lot. 'Til you're wired entirely and mega jittery' lol Yep, that's great.

Favourite bars:

'almost instantly roles are switched unwillingly
cuz fuck history!'

'diligently dispelling tension in all planes
to keep y'all sane cuz I'm reaching the feats of arcane'

This just has an easy natured flow to it and I like that the msg doesn't beat around the bush. Straight to the point.

Flow wise, you were on, then changed it up a bit, flipped it, on again, so, it seemed to me like there wasn't a uniform pattern which
of course there doesn't have to be. If you do decide to flip it up, keep that flow happening, even if it changes pace, lets hear the flow.
Most of this rhymed really well, using words that aren't typical wording and that's great. Thing is, when you do rhyme well, bits and pieces that aren't rhymed so well stand out more. So there was a bit...

...'cuz y'all sayin' he's crazy gee maybe well at least I'm not shady(---------great line)
I been shading out the grays daily( ---- cool till here.) cuz they graze on us like dairy(---lost me with 'dairy')
fuck it it's I'm a terrier with rabies chasing y'all away gettin scarier and racy(----although I like this line, I just don't think it gels with
the other two above it.) Then you've got a killer last line, but those last words on these bars, don't rhyme.
That's what I'm saying, you've got great words, and rhymes, and the meaning of what you're saying is cool, I'd just love it to
rhyme in a way that's closer to what you've got. But that's just me. Just my opinion.

Other than that I think you're a very talented writer. Great emotion in this, cool imagery and nice use of words and rhymes.

Nice one Whitesmoke96.

Cool read.

"dope" hah music to my ears. eventually I'll record and post something in songs instead of om. bump bump in the trunk

Quote:

---

diligently dispelling tension in all planes
to keep y'all sane cuz I'm reaching the feats of arcane
beseeching archaic teachings to teach me God's way
to boss play like a child caught in an arcade with a smart brain

---

This part went in hard as hell fam!!!



Yo, this was a dope spit man. really feelin the concept and multi's too. Everything was hittin pretty solid. Flow was broken here and there with the rhyme scheme's but I was feelin majority of the content. The part i quoted was flames to me. I had to go back and read it out loud and it sounded even batter. Good ish my man. Lookin foward to seeing more from you.

This was dope. The flow of course was ill (it gets redundant, complimenting everyone on their flow, but it seems to be the focus now-a-days) As a braggadocious piece I feel like you handled it better than most. There were a few parts I wasn't feeling, the bruh part particularly, just don't feel that type of language works outside of audio, but for the most part your language was pretty creative and held my attention. Victiming threw me off, it isn't a word, and it just took a bit of the polish from an otherwise sick drop. Overall, this was pretty ill. Keep it up.

Yeah I'm aware that victiming isn't a word but for delivery purposes it got the point across lol Priceless of AQUALEO introduced me to having fun with words like that. (referring to the song "Skeletons") - "Tells a story but leave out the parts that's heridatory
I mean hereditary, it's very scary to think what you believe is false" and mind elaborating what you meant by "braggadocious"?

love the feedback y'all especially from you experienced writers. expect my name to pop up in OM again and I'll let you know if I record it. it goes a lot better with the beat i put it to, (brainless instrumental eminem from mmlp2)

uppin' fo mo feed yo, worked hard ;P

I know y'all are viewin' the OM now, uppin' last time

This was pretty awesome smoke.

I really liked your flow and rhyme scheme. Every line seemed to ttransition well. Good imagery here as well. This was all around solid I'd like to see more from you bro. With a little more polish this could have been great.

Imagine channeling negativity
til you're wired entirely and mega jittery
with your eyes spiraling and trippin' visually
it's a wild, lifestyle... but I live a bit differently..
Really nice opening, I enjoyed the metaphors you had goin here
yes, vivid images fly behind the lids (I'm livin' imagery)
chill, or miss this dope hit admissibly, I spit abysmally
don't get conned, get gone if ye' dismiss his consistency
convictions lead to constant victiming, call me victory
unlike y'all tikes in diapers in light of all this misery..
Wow, this flowed incredibly definitely perfect for audio. I felt wording was not as good for last two lines tho but still nice man

almost instantly roles are switched unwillingly
cuz fuck history! Imma show like lightning bolts
your limits is Benjamin essentially
infinite, eventually, you'll git it cuz when I spit it
I implement penance to sentence your sense of what a spirit is.
what I'm hearing is, remnants of Eminem's mentions
premises built on the guilt I'm trippin' on
so still the spillage and listen bruh...
it's a, privilege to listen bruh
once I've risen like yeast I'll be diving in different dimensions
Had to read this a couple times, at first i wasn't sure but after 3 times I was like, yeah this cool. U have to do this audio bro

diligently dispelling tension in all planes
to keep y'all sane cuz I'm reaching the feats of arcane
beseeching archaic teachings to teach me God's way
to boss play like a child caught in an arcade with a smart brain
whoaaa dude this was cool as fuck man... Damn. flow and mutli/inner rhyme scheme plus the content and imagery and everything was nice here I liked this
cuz y'all sayin' he's crazy gee maybe well at least I'm not shady
I been shading out the grays daily cuz they graze on us like dairy
fuck it it's like I'm a terrier with rabies chasing
y'all away gettin scarier and racy
with the pace hittin' jays and still rippin' phrasings...
y'all still are my play-things,
so take attendance...then pay attention when I say things.
I didn't enjoy the first 2 lines but the rest was nice good finish

Well damn dude, I erad your stuff when you first came here and it was nowehre as god as this. Its a nice read, and is close to NOM worthy. Keep doing your thing man you're gonna only get better. Like I said too, this shit should be done audio. Good shit