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Punchline
A paranoid android looks on.
Marred by pins and needles, scarred
By the ins and the outs of your life.
I’m sewing myself together again,
Tear by tear, and thread by thread -
Until I have a patchwork, unbound by
Devotion!
Hell’s kitchen –
A bowl full of clockwork oranges,
And mechanical apples.
Cogs grinding in my dome,
A drawer full of silver spoons.
A drawl full of empty beer bottles and
Full moons. Crescented crescendos of
Light, with six octaves of clarity.
Cyborgs partake in lavish cybersex with
Swedish prostitutes,
It’s all invigorating masturbation to
The onlooker, or to the purveyor.
The slayer of dragons, he is aroused,
He cannot help himself -
Saint George, he is a pervert, of the
Worst kind.
The lines, of kings and queens by their
Thrones, holding hands, igniting candles.
The canvas is muddy,
Turner and Shakespeare look on in horror.
Chaucer turns in his grave
(But in his grace, he turns away).
The ancient reams of my country’s history -
Are falling apart.
The book is being eaten by mites;
The mites are gathering an army
It would seem. Insurmountable they are,
Deadly.
...
Now I am looking in, on a windowless chapel.
All boarded up,
And with my narcotic-stained arteries,
I trip out.
The congregation seek out the dusty man,
The one with the white beard.
The priest holds his hands aloft and raises
The people’s hopes.
Define hope - is it in some way parallel to debt?
Set’s servants and serpents are crawling
In the desert, my skin is crawling with them!
My kin is crawling with my skin, into shadow.
Shadow is falling over the mortal plains;
It is plain.
And I am pained - I am so pained.
The congregation are standing now,
They lift their stiffened faces.
In walks their god.
And they exclaim,
In their excitement –
“Speak of the Devil!”
And it's all like a punchline,
to a bad, bad joke.
I vomit quietly in a corner,
Repulsed at the sight of so
many grinning human skulls.
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I definitely recognize this piece, and it is most definitely deserving of high praise...
Phenomenal imagery man, the way you weaved the web of this story draws the reader deeper and deeper into your theme and once the "punchline" hits it holds great power because of the way you built up to the climax. I found your word choice to be excellent as well, and the way each stanza serves to intrigue as well as answer the questions of the previous stanza really improve the overall quality of the piece, most exemplified IMO as far as intrigue in the second stanza. Lastly the end of your piece delivers a satisfying resolution and overall this was thoroughly enjoyable, great job Jek, 1luv.
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Thanks for replying Franklin. I'll peep one of yours later when I get more time.
Laydee Sniper or whatever, you need to be blocked from this forum.
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yea, i remember this from you before, but it is definetly one of my all time favorite of yours... it is beautifully written and carefully crafted with something so forboding, so deep, behind it...and the end was fabulous ... i just loved everything about this entire poem... your words were so powerful, creating strong and vivid images and emotions as you read on ... you did such a great job and i am glad that you posted this up again so that i could enjoy it a second time ... wonderful job babe <3
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Thanks, I can't see nothing of yours to reply to, if in the future you need a reply on something let me know.
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Up.
Really, anybody who gives a decent reply to this will get a reply in return, that is a promise.
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Thank you for the thread Jek. Seeing as im new to the poetry game, i think this was very, very nice.
Now I am looking in, on a windowless chapel.
All boarded up,
And with my narcotic-stained arteries,
I trip out.
The congregation seek out the dusty man,
The one with the white beard.
Favorite segment, your very detailing (if thats a word) when it comes to poems, OM's etc. Your strong point is also your emotions as there expressed highly. I really enjoyed this
Check out Death Bed please :)....Its my first poem so go easy on me.
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real imaginary man and creative.. great smooth flow and this was real enjoyable to read..great vocab and wording... you put sum thought into this peice.. i can tell cuz its really great and is really sumthin.. i'll add this to my favorites list.. great poetic skripture..! this was real nice overall rating 9.5/10! :) keep it up..(im hoping to see another thread/drop from you)
have a good day
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u came smooth and it was an all around good poem.............u got talent and some good shit goin..........the imagrey was good shit............the way u set this up was creative and dope.............deap shit good shit 9.5/10
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really abstract and off tha wall but very intricate poem...i liked tha deep imagery and complexity of this piece..you layed it out very well and it connected in tha right places....very smooth.....i loved tha vocab you used aswell it was very thought out and almost genious god.keep droppin tha hottness.~1~
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Wow! This peice is definatly one of the best that I have seen from you in quite some time. Your imagery was absolutley perfect...crystal clear completely through the entirety of the piece. The way that you have written this poem out came across to me as nothing short of pure genius... word placement came out to be great, everything made sense to me and it was actually very intreguing!..... It takes a great mind to write like this....
I would have to say that what I gound to be the most genious part of this poem was:
"Hell’s kitchen –
A bowl full of clockwork oranges,
And mechanical apples.
Cogs grinding in my dome,
A drawer full of silver spoons.
A drawl full of empty beer bottles and
Full moons. Crescented crescendos of
Light, with six octaves of clarity."
and My favorite part of his poem would be:
"The congregation are standing now,
They lift their stiffened faces.
In walks their god.
And they exclaim,
In their excitement –
“Speak of the Devil!”
And it's all like a punchline,
to a bad, bad joke.
I vomit quietly in a corner,
Repulsed at the sight of so
many grinning human skulls."
Overall you've done a great job with this poem! :thumbup:
keep droppin
....bless
~*UnO*~
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ha i like the almost absurd word pairing... clockwork oranges... while grinning human skulls sealed the end on action-packed journey.
some nice lines throughout...
Shadow is falling over the mortal planes.
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