The Photo

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-388398.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ok-388578.html

I look through the eyes obliged in front
among the hunt of stories and astonishing outcomes
amongst the greatest outdated emotional canyons
Wives daughters sons only choice was the gun or a noose
we refuse and refuse til we loose, life comes swift
stories shift in boxes distraught feeling captured mistakes
faked by truths abused daily to date today
a lonely soul lies under that man standing afraid
devils paid covenants made by a broken soul stuck and grave
darkness blows out the light which falls to night
a long dark path in the backgrounds peripheral sights
flights of birds glistening bright, cold dark night
obliged to find out about history affront
missions no decisions a adventure abrupt
endless oceans of devotion depicted only by captions
distractions every corner screams concern
holding fuel over fire hoping nature forgets to burn
memories only hope is heavenly held with grace
paradise a fruitful place cherished by many folks
who spoke in immense realities outstanding without hope
a tree behind a secret unfolds truths and lies collide
a family divides subsides encrypted with another woman in life?
selfish hungry bastard countries own promise for freedom
karmas words portrayed done in the hands of the four fathers
presidential encounter betrayal glamour turns to rags
flag half massed AMERICA turned to zigzags
children died photos told truths and false lies of stories unknown
a picture may say a thousand words but a photo holds more than we will ever know

Rhymes are very basic, but from a poetry point of few? tight shit! See you got a lot of shit on your mind, keep dropping that shit man. 1.

thanks for the feed i appreciate it. this was written off the top of my head i was just letting emotion kinda pour out. there wasnt much direction it was supposed to be a man describing a picture he was looking at and the stories this picture told.

uppin.....

word word. Real poetic. I had trouble rapping this in my head, but I'm sure it works when you mumble it to yourself. You obviously are going for the gloomy poetic feel, but on some of the bars, it feels like you are just saying things at sound gloomy and poetic, rather than using those words to convey what your trying to say.

Beginning was a little off, unless this was a poem, then it doesnt need to rhyme of course... but ill review it as a drop since this is in the open mic section. Flow was aight, nothin special. vocab was def good and somewhat innovative, you said pretty simple things but worded them in complex ways... that can sometimes be bad but in this case is was good. hate to say, nothing really stood out for me in this. its was good man, keep writing, stay up. id appreciate some feed on "Melee Mayhem" thanks

The beginning was a bit off, and this was more of a poem. Anyways other than not, flow was alright could've used meta's. But it was pretty creative and basic piece to read.

RTF.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...os-388788.html

nice.............eveyone said the beginning was off but i just assumed it was a poem

it was very poetic and i felt that......i like the way you used the vocab which was nice

i got the visuals in my head which was pretty cool.....i think it was poetry with multis and i got that feeling through the whole read.....i guess you can say i got the picture....

nice drop............and thanks for the feed on my drop i really appreciate it............

As others have mentioned the beginning could of flowed better but as a poem this is dope
Vocab was sick
seemed to be real with the emotions and shit

thanks for the feed its appreciated... im working on some new stuff right now it will be up next month

Damn? Next month? I usually write my shit in about 20 minutes man....

haha this shit was off the top of my head. and if i take my time i could finish a piece in a few days. but im working for HOF nominations and this is the end of the month so i wont waste my time now when i can drop pieces for next month

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lurid

haha this shit was off the top of my head. and if i take my time i could finish a piece in a few days. but im working for HOF nominations and this is the end of the month so i wont waste my time now when i can drop pieces for next month

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I definitely feel you on that

my next goal tho is to make the mixtape of 09 i gotta start gettin back to beat making and audio tho.

anybody wanna do a topical collab or somethin let me know

thanks for all the feed