infidelity

infidelity
Prince Carter

Fallen from grace
lost is my faith
I drop to my knees
See it all in my face

I wish i didn't know
Ignorance is bliss
now the last sliver of my heart
is stricken cold

Thicken the plot
you sickened me, babe
till death do us part?
kindly give me the grave

Rid me of this poison
detox i desire
now i wither from the ether
eaten by the fire

Sinking in the mire of my sorrows
wash me with intoxicants
inebriate me with your lies
alleviate me of your eyes

recreate me more the wise
rebuild me from these ashes
form flesh from my death
reform my breath
conform my ribs to the truth

Undo what you've done in harm
unsnare me from your charm
restitch my heart as whole
take me to a time before yours
started to mold

and lastly hold me together
with elation, not fruit from the devil tree
i lost my smile in these eyes
that caught you
in your infidelity

1luv.

Dope peice man,

I really felt this shit man. Incredible Creativty and Imagenary. The wordplay kept the flow flowing very well. I really liked the story plot you had here. It was very mature and well put. I could image this in my head. I was reading this with a Atmosphere beat, which came to a dope Audio lol. 10-10. I will nominate this for Legend. Maybe we could collab sometime. Peace.

Thanks a million god for the recognition, i deeply appreciate the feed and the Legends nod, elevation is key, 1luv.

I can relate to this peice for some odd reason. I like the structure that you used and the rhyme scheme was actually really nice. You vocab was simple and the topic a little played out. But overall this held alot of emotion and was a good drop.

Thanks a lot man, i appreciate you taking the time to read it, 1luv.

Damn mman, this piece really rung a bell with me, i was feeling how you flipped a familiar topic and really put some emotion into your work, i konw you've been working on that so clearly this is a touchy topic for you. You handled it really well, great job Prince.

-Fiasco

Well sir, Before I say anything...

Thicken the plot
you sickened me, babe
till death do us part?
kindly give me the grave

^^ This was absolutely great. If I only had a dime for everytime I wanted to write a stanza like that but never really had a concept for a poem to go with it... i'd have like 2 dollars and 30 cents =P ..

I liked the short stanzas.. and in the beginning you did a good job of keeping most of the lines to 4-6 syllables. But that kind of dragged on and get longer as the piece went along. Your diction was great. Each long had proportional strength in your choice of words. The only place where I felt it slipped up was in the ending.. But hey that's just me.

Your emotion, imagery, and the choice of vocabulary were all good. This had a good title aswell. It leaves the piece open for interpretation and makes the reader soak up the whole piece and figure it out.

Good stuff esco.. Keep writing and what not.

Pz.

- Po'

Thanks greatly man, i actually have to agree with you in reference to the final stanza, thank you none the lesss for taking your time to read it, i really appreciate the props, especially on that particular stanza (the one you quoted) i appreciate it man, elevation is key, 1luv.

You know, I didn't really like it at first... but I just had to adjust to the style to be able to apreciate it. It just seemed wierd to me that you were using line breaks, but none of your lines really ran one to the next, but rather all had an undenounced cama that just was there without actually being. So, once I figured out how to read, and how to go about forming this all in my head I could apreciate the quality of it. Almost every line, despite being around 5-7 syllables long each, was its own seperate counter part. That takes skill to be able to condense so much meaning into that short amount of space. Overall a nice read man, topic was kind of done, but your approach and structuring of it made it unique.

When you get the time...
Black-Sheep Abacus [Act Ø: Scene XII]