My Real-Eyes Realize The Real-Lies

Cowards hide behind ther political super powers
sent the children to fight every hour
they died before the blossom became a flower
after the presidential greed devours
thers nuttn left but airborn explosives that scour
the shattered twin towers rainning cocaine showers
mothers cry as kids sleep beneath the rose flowers
its sour in my soul i feel some things decievin
like cracked side walks ther excuses seem uneven
i feel it in the air im breathin or in the faith i believe-in
bcuz bodys are bleedin
while soldiers carry M16'S through the garden of eden

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-381646.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-382032.html

Just thought I'd tell you there was alot of mispellings and some words were misused. Like make sure your grammar is correct ot whatever. We can't hear you saying it like its a spoken word piece so make your language more clear.

You had some okay imagery but your wording was messing with the storyline or whatever.
Work on that//peace.

ya i wrote it pretty fast, thanks for the feed tho man

I like the feeling of the poem, like dayvid said some of the words were misused. A lot of it rhymed but some lines couldve been left out or at least edited to be a little smoother.

Overall i think it was a good poem, you did a good job setting the mood. It was short but efficient

I felt that the rhyme scheme was real basic and that it took away from this piece. I know that you could have been more creative with this and could have put more thought into it man.