'Wish I May"

His cast Iron hands seem
to weigh down my frail soul.
I can smell the strong stench of
an alcoholic beverage as the sweet
nothings reach my auricle.
.
Whispering how much I remind him
of the love he once denoucned
upon arrival of incest and adultery
.
.
I think it's casual. The love he
shares with me and the hate
I don't declare to him. When he
speaks with his eyes instead of his
mouth. Listens with his tounge instead
of his ears and thinks with that "second
head of his."
.
.
With the inability to stand up for myself,
I'm forced to lie down. While he performs
more traumatizing acts of fatherhood.
A revoltingly gross expletive.
.
.
Those cast iron hands now seem robotic in
repeatitive movement from thigh to torso.
He exuberantly compliments my growth.
I feel the filth between his nails gripping
my soul, as he caresses my heart with
memories of him holding mother.
.
.
He act's as if there is no sacred place.
.
Where mother and I sit and discuss.
Where I see her smiling down at me.
Laughing at him and even shedding,
a few tears once every blue moon.
Placing that one heart shaped leaf
upon my lap, while I sit under her
favorite tree. Wishing I were there
with her.


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e1...reckleface.jpg

Instead i'm stuck smoldering
feelings of confusion, that
arise as quick as his errection
did his first time.
.
.
Penalized for my exterior beauty
by his inner beast. To young
to see the damage but feeling
the pain eating away 'with me'.
.
The years, months, and days.
I've suffered from his sexual "chevy".
Fearing the sound of his tires tearing
asphalt, as he "approach's my driveway".
.
.
His eyes yelling out these harsh feelings
.
again ready to
.

Listen with his tounge instead
of his ears, thinking with that "second
head of his."
.

.
He act's as if there is no sacred place.
.
Where mother and I sit and discuss.
Where I see her smiling down at me.
Laughing at him and even shedding,
a few tears once every blue moon.
Placing that one heart shaped leaf
upon my lap, while I sit under her
favorite tree. Wishing I were there
with her.




'Wish I May'
Written By: Ntalek




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...as-364649.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...gs-364671.html

This was the best poem I've read from you, period, point blank, done. You ripped it man, topic was a little ehish, but you wrote this excellently. That second half, after the picture, just settled it for me, you made me understand perfectly from that point, though the first part was good, you wrapped it up nicely man. Good shit. Peace.

Well you know I said a lot about this already in I.E but here you go.
This shit was like the best shit your ever wrote in a long time.You knew it was if you pulled out a upset of the champion of IE with this,you put your heart on the pen.You had dope emotion,on top of a fucking Dope Storyline which a lot of people really don't go for.You imagery was just as good as your emotion.I also like the way you picked a spot to put the pic at it fitted in greatly.Your wording was iight could of been a tad bit better but with a read like this shit like that doesn't effect the greatness.So all in all if I was to rate this out of ten on some noob shit you would get a fucking ten by far your best piece.Hit that link or TBFL Champ match.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...lf-364330.html

word thx....I got you on the RTF...in a bit.

^you better.

lol word last ups. for the night.

ups.

wtf ups this!!!

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...de-365033.html
first off, for you... "The Other Side"... dedicate to mothers everywhere, read it to your mother like you wrote it, I bet you she'll cry.





well, it beat poeta didn't it? the piece was dope... I said this. I liked the concept a lot. not DEEPLY original, but not often written about either. more of a think you see movies about on television more than anything. an only child with a dead mother and a sexually abusive father that raises her... it's a common story, but you executed it damn near perfectly. a couple bumps here and there for me like I said before in the battle, but nothing so big as to ruin the meaning and beauty of the piece. I definitely liked that little hook you had going, and it ended this piece with a passionate connection between a dead mother and her daughter. It focused on positive life in the midst of a rotten one. keep the shit up... if this hasn't been nom'd already then pm me, but I'm sure it has been so keep writing man....



- Nash




hit that link up... thanks bro....

appreciated...feed returned.

Man, from the second that I started reading this, the first stanza, I was hooked throughout. The imagery you had going was really good, you didn't make things TOO abstract, which was really nice considering sometimes people don't want to be as upfront on a topic like this, it's a touchy thing to write about, but that was nicely done.

One thing that really nagged at me was

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ntalek

His eyes yelling out these harsh feelings
.
again ready to
.

Listen with his tounge instead
of his ears, thinking with that "second
head of his."

---

I can see why you've done it, as in, broken the stanzas up, buttt I think it was a bit overdone and a bit TOO erratic by here you know? Just the three words at this section just seemed a bit short... But maybe that's just me and my personal preference.

The emotion was on point, really made me feel sympathy towards the daughter, which obviously is natural considering the circumstances, but you just really made it hit home with the things you said and the story about her mother.

Nice drop man.

word...appreciated..ups. and the smaller parts were to slow the read down a bit...

This made me laugh out load and not in an insulting way, but in infact a very good way.This poem was crazy, for me it dragged in at the start and felt as if it was going to be "another one of those poems" but bang halfway through it I though "ahhhhhhh I see what he's playing at" and you could not have done it any better.I won't say you should ad more imagery, creativity or anything else, because you already had it.The story itself was gripping and really felt as if it was from the heart.Just brilliant my man....lightened up my day ;)

-Dyl

Yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed this, man! I can see how you've varied you topical and poetry styles for the last few months. I think the style you're using now is perfect though. The emotion in this was great, it made me happier in some ways, haha. The wording was cool, as Lec said, the enjambment was a little erratic at times but apart from that this was a great read. Please hit this up; http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...th-365480.html