Intro to Mic rap

Hey all! Here is my intro to mic rap, hit me with your thoughts! Enjoy!

whats the word on the street, bstylz
his raps are more covert than the x files
rhymes, lyrical masses that go on for miles
so goony hes undergoing 2 trials
leave you broken after a battle, nine one one he dials
got a big house and a car, marble floor tiles
huge kitchen, might as well be grocery store aisles
spends one night with these girls, next morning he exiles
he slithers out the door, like reptiles
if he were an animal he'd be a snake
a broken leg he will fake
just to get a 2 day break
at home he's gonna start to bake
I'm not talking about a cake
taking so many hits, lungs start to ache
needs a glass of water, more liquid than a lake
BANG BANG BANG, police at the door knees quake
bstylz gone thru the back door, police making a stake
on his way to mexico, the border hes gonna make
si senor, " I am drake"
drops a rhyme or 2, border patrol gives him no shake
impersonating drake might as well say yolo
drop by lacoste cuz he needs a new polo
girls coming up to him, they want a photo
but he already know tho, that these girls gonna blow doe
and he gonna give it slow, whoa
coming to mexico was the best decision ever, yo
down below hes the status quo
every night a different hoe
living the life, buried in snow
every day it's a whole different show
knowing someday he might have to go
might have to hang low
but for now he drinks his bordeaux
and like a good neighbour, his lawn does he mow
undercover for months, like a pro
mexican police even lets him grow
algorithmic trading, need to restructure that code
made $38 million in high volume trading, lighten the load
proprietary program in his mind? what a chode
parties everynight, oh the champaign and beer flowed
some say he's playing life on hard mode
money, drugs, alcohol a simple life in his humble abode
but not maintainable, ready to implode
BANG BANG BANG, DEA at the door
picks up his gat, ready to reload
no way out of this, it was a good life he rode
shots being fired straight into a DEA's head
but Bstylz body isn't taking any lead
oh he's lasting longer than most, upping his street cred
told him to get down on the ground, turned around he said
no way, then ran out back to the shed
Wishing he took his morning med
because now all he starts seeing is red
fading to black, looks like he's dead

@goonyrapper see the rules son. get those links in.


i'll leave this open longer since you're new.

Flow was all over the place.....you need to tighten that up badly...maybe put 2 of your lines on one or something...I see you were kind of telling a story here but still it seemed scattered...your rhyme scheme was a simple as it gets, try to bring some complexity to it...Something to wow people because all of the thing your saying are kind of bland...Keep writing man

agree with sik here though I have to point out when the images come in it reminds me a bit of kool g rap on roots of al evil.....

leave you broken after a battle, nine one one he dials
got a big house and a car, marble floor tiles
huge kitchen, might as well be grocery store aisles
spends one night with these girls, next morning he exiles
he slithers out the door, like reptiles

if this was clene djust a bit this was kool g all the way. none the less if you were garbage id say that but im not cause all the potential is there and the more you write the more you will tap that potential.