inspirations chain

He gets inspired:

He battles with crawling arms and is subdued
wanting to pursue but his blows are so crude
that he has no other resort but to withdraw
so he goes home and lays his body in sprawl
his mentality dying slowly like a diseased bird
wings fluttering and bending in ways absurd
it falls out of heaven and closes its eyes to rest
dies and cries into the earth making a crest
suddenly the creature is brought back to life
it gets up, looks at the sky then begins to strife
he reflects on his being and then he drops tears
because since a kid he’s been addicted to beer
so he stays up and really thinks about it
his mind clouded and thoughts crowded
a drink, he’s never gone a day without it
I'll stop drinking!, to himself he shouted
so he trotted the bottom of the dark city
and he kept thinking about his mentality
he came to a poor apartment building
he stared in a window, saw a man beating
a child, a toddler barely the age of five
a mother running to the sound of a cry
she shielded him from the fathers abuse
but to a grim way, it was of no use
so the coward man with bottle in hand
beat the woman till she couldn’t even stand
took the child and threw him against a wall
he cried as his mother slowly crawled
she picked herself up and stood by the child
the coward continued to hurt with actions wild
the scene of the unjust was to hard to bare
so horrible that he could no longer stare
the child, so bad did he want to help him
but instead he ran and left them abandoned
back to his hole where he would try and forget
but that night was one that he will always regret
as morning came he again passed the apartment
a gruesome scene, he had a chance to part it
but instead he has to witness the victims
problems of life, and he coulda fixed 'em
the boy was dead and so was the mother
the man cried again at the thought of her
he left the scene behind but it would always remind
of the night of his life that he could have been kind...
again back to his hole where he would wonder
could he have helped if he was only a bit stronger?
so the inspiration came to him in a strange way
the plot of his destiny was set so damn stray
he was inspired, he would now get a job
he wouldn’t have to find someone to rob
the mother inspired him for that
he became an officer and moved up the ranks
he became a great man with great strength
now he would have the greatest of friends
he helped many people and saved many souls
suddenly it didn’t seem so hard to overcome obstacles
he thought of others and his heart grew in size
as a sacrifice to the poor child’s demise
to his life, the mother and child made a great part
because the coward was the one he fought from the start.......

this was written for a topical battle but i still wanted to see wat yall thought of it.

cmon, some one has to give me sum feedback...uppin

that was a pretty good peice, i only read bout half it, cause it was to long for me haha, but what i read was pretty good, vocab was pretty good, and it flowed nicely. keep it up and keep elevation, look forward to seein some more from you

peace

oh, i was hoping ppl would read it all. i think that if ppl would read it all that they would find it a better piece. peace

yo i really like this...i did read it all the way thru and i liked it alot.... how long did this take yah 2 make? its really a gud peice that can prove a point.

uppin, i think more ppl might enjoy reading this..

please, can some one read this. Its not that long and I'd repay the favor to anyone, im sure ppl have 2 mins to read my poem and give me feedback. I will go through everyone's poems and reply if i have too, just please sum one give me your opinion.