Drifter

Visitor amongst the shadows..
Silent friend, you come and you go..
You never hang about long..
Just enough to reassure and know..

Drifter amongst the soul..
Come and stay awhile..
Sit at this mad tea party..
It just might make you smile..

Come and drink some tea, let’s talk..
We are just evil racing thoughts..
Yes you have those too..
We are childhood fears and forgotten what nots..

You do not visit us enough..
Let us toy within your mind..
Let us weaken the lasting strength..
Break down that empty swine..

We come to you in the dark of night..
Interrupt peaceful dreams..
Awaken you with frigid sweat..
Ultimately never letting you be..

If you would just stay awhile..
Take an unforgiving chance..
Look us in the eye, and..
Amongst the shadows dance..

You will see we are not so bad..
So stop trying to push us past..
Live within yourself..
Make this change forever last..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140595

word. interestingly cryptic, yet you need some work on your vocabulary. I liked this, don't get me wrong, but I felt you could have given it more intensity if you had chosen more descriptive vocabulary. nice work though

thought your vocab could have been uped like spitacular said, your rhyme scheme was ok, it was the rhymes i didn't like, example- \/ they don't really seem to rhyme, but you'll get alot better-good job and keep posting

Come and drink some tea, let’s talk..
We are just evil racing thoughts.. <
Yes you have those too..
We are childhood fears and forgotten what nots.. <

Thanks

nice piece its been said before but the vocab would have made it a lot better if it was upped but your new to the site so here is a tip.. read the poetry of veterans and your vocab can be upped... just dont bite lines
keep writin too..
elevate
pz DF

This was good you had some real nice details but the imagery was a litle choppy but I made my way through it.

Thanks..

Decent drop, keep me interested through the read. Like spitacular mentioned, it could have used better vocab. You have a nice style, kind of simple but complex in message, keep it up...

bounce

This was a okay drop...I too feel that you could have went deeper with the topic. Because the title itself holds so much meaning. You did alright because it was a pretty solid drop...and you should keep writing because you can only elevate...You have talent...
~oNe~

Thanks

Closed. Read the rules. No more than 2 open poems on the front page.Ill leave ure other 2 open for you, and close this, since it has more feedback given already.