What's Gonna Happen?

replied-adolescant me-west
sick sick sick rhyme- born to kill
barz-dropz
Verse 1

Sitting contemplating my future, tears streaming from my eyes,
wondering wat wud happen to me, but could only my demise//
I've only been writing for three months, but this rap game seems like an uncertainty,
will i ever make it mainstream hip hop? Or has God chose me a different destiny//
'What's gonna happen' to me? Wats the meaning of my life,
everythings thats happening feels like i'm being stabbed by a thousand knifes//
Fathoming the thought, dat one day i'll end unsuccessful and broke,
coz i know if i ever picked up a mic in front of a crowd, i'd probably choke//
16 years on this planet + wat have i seen?
Destruction, terror, humans being killed by other human beings//
So i pray harder then i've ever prayed before,
believe me ' if heaven was a mile away', i'd be the first to the door//
But i gotta get my life straight + do wat i gotta do,
keep rhyming + writing, till the day i'm through//
Shit? wat u think i'mma jus write on this website,
i gotta get noticed and that aint gonna happen if i'm on my computer every night//
So 'what's gonna happen' to me, i leave in God's hands,
coz whatever path i choose, i know it is part of his plan//

chorus
So whats gonna happen to me in a world like this,
with all the bullshit goin' on, i should be glad that i exist,
sooner or later i'm gonna recieve deaths kiss,
but we gotta come together to live our life in bliss//

verse 2

Now i've rapped about my life + the shit that i'm goin' through,
time to move on to more important, international issues//
We got bombs goin' off on the planet at will,
sooner or later an atomic holocaust will occur + will all get killed//
Bush + Blair are in the 'oval office' sucking each others dicks,
failing to realise, those who live in the streets only survive by selling bricks//
So this worlds gonna escalate to a massive drug war,
what the meaning of life? It musnt be jus to sell ectasy + draw//
Now i aint no 'comic relief' or another '4 triple 6 4',
jus wanna make u realise we gotta do something before, we knock on heavens door//
This bullshit goin' on in Iraq, got people freting for their lives,
Bush + Blair gotta stop before all the innocent die//
Believe me i wanna see Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein both dead,
but killing innocent lives, before this aint the way ahead//
News bulletins bout soldiers dying in Iraq, comin' up all the time,
yet politicians say; 'Everythings under control, everythings jus fine//
So how we suppose to survive in a world like this,
we gotta come together + put an end to this shit//

chorus
So whats gonna happen to us in a world like this,
with all the bullshit goin on, we should be glad we exist,
sooner or later we all are gonna recive deaths kiss,
we gotta come together, to live our lives in bliss//

hit me with some feedback cheers

This was alright here....some of your lines were stretched out though, try to shorten them down a bit to keep it structured good, cause stretched lines take away from the flow...your vocab in this was pretty good....try adding some multies though to make it flow better...but keep at it.

that was a good piece hommie, alot of feelin that. i feel ya dogg.
keep up tha good work hommie

pz

thnx for the comments masta c and remixed much apprecited


uppin

I found the tempo qute slow.. The was feeling the flow, some nice content, But until you reply properly to mine.. This is all you get hoe.

Pz.

This had no multis.. The vocab was average.. Considering this was topical it lacked any explosive lines.. any metaphors or wordplay..

My piece was a diss.. You didn't note any punches.. Recognize.. Potentcy..

On your ratings this was 1/10.. Just for the fact it rhymed..

:) Pz

uppin'

this was aiight......but ya structure was every where...Ya flow was Average.........NO MULTIS u need Multis....You Had Bad WordPlay....not a great read But still Pretty Good Peace...

uppin'

uppin'

uppin for feedback

Yo descent drop m8,You painted a picture here for me,felt tha emotion,try and even out your bars yout lines can have different numbers of sylabils but your bars need to more or less match to flow to a beat,keep that in mind,try an incorporate some wordlay and multi's or whatever,not too much jus enough to keep interest but yo not bad man,get at me.

Peace

uppin'

uppin

nice shit dawg keep ya head

yeh liked this piece. iv read sum of ur old rhymes and i feel u elevated a lot in that time. js listen 2 ppls comments and ull improve on ur weakness'.

YO WUS UP CHRONIC. THIS PIECE WAS AIGHT, YOUR FLOW WAS OK, VOCAB CAN ELIVATE, NO MULTIS.
BUT OVERALL OK.
A 5/10.