My Voice Within...

check it...

The taste of tears colored crimson, it’s an everlasting story//
Memories triggered from lashes, the scenes flash before me//
The threads of truth have been torn, the music violently faded//
The smiles and laughter now unworn the lies are silently stated//
Hidden behind the tied confinements, the yelling transcends//
Induced abuse inside the times spent, the fighting can’t end//
Tragic glances romanced, their heard words were unspoken//
Static chances won’t last, each crafted promise went broken//
I’m just a child growing up, yet each second spent is a threat//
The mind of mine rewinds the times to pray one day I forget//

hope you can understand it...
here's a hint: domestic violence...

something to think about...

peACE

threads i replied too:
"why do we exist..."
"the real prophecy"
"anotha keystyle..."

aight then...
:help: feedback plz
...anotha piece from the heart...

peace

This was pretty good i thought here....it was worth the read....this was a deep piece i thought, i was feeling this, it made me think....your structure was good in this, i liked that....flow was good i thought, stayed on through out it...your vocab in this was pretty good as well i liked it....Another thing i liked was your multies...overall this was a good piece...keep at it.

I found this extremely basic.. The concept had been done before.. You didn't bring nothing new to it.. It lacked all interesting and explosive lines.. Your rhyme scheme was okay.. with one or two multis.. no hate.. Pz

I liked this piece. Liked the vocab and flow. I could feel yhis peace alot. The only thing i didn't like was that it was short. Other than that good job. Keep spittin'.

this wasn't a basic peice at all

maybe if you just skimmed it u wouldn't catch the hidden meaning

i actually read it 2wice.

good flow and good vocab.

u approached this topic good.

ill look for more posts by u man, keep it up

yea I was feeling this .

good structure and worded good. keep it up .

yo dunny... this was a coo peice... ya flow is structure is tight... good flow an everythang.. this is was nice to read.... i was feelin it the whole way thru... keep postin... on3

thanx for the feedback peepz...much appreciation...
even if it was short...it was tought to write...took about
half an hour.........alright then....
peACE

dope i likd it alot....
im happy to see this kind of writing, even tho i dont do it, its tight

i liked this piece..stayed on point..had creativity..nice structure apart from the // which gets annoying...overall it was good i hope to see moer from you..

Pz..

thanks for the feedback, much appreciation. this piece is one of my unique ones. but I felt I had to get it off my mind. seeing as how I grew up with it. it’s the first time I actually put it onto paper…
peace

short but sweet....

this was almost perfect... it flowed well, vocab was awesome, you used multis and internals (which is a big thumbs up from me, I dont like much stuff that doesnt have multis) and the emotion was great... nice imagery and wordplay

dope lines:

The taste of tears colored crimson, it’s an everlasting story//
Memories triggered from lashes, the scenes flash before me//

I’m just a child growing up, yet each second spent is a threat//
The mind of mine rewinds the times to pray one day I forget//

The threads of truth have been torn, the music violently faded//
The smiles and laughter now unworn the lies are silently stated//

what else was cool is how u held back the true meaning, and let us interpret it in our own way.. u remind me of aesop rock

dope

9.75/10

:P

word pretty niice piece... painted some imagery for me...
"Tragic glances romanced, their heard words were unspoken//
Static chances won’t last, each crafted promise went broken//"
again niice piece pretty niice flow to it... keep posting...

that was tight yo man my town we have alot a domest violence shit so i feel u

thanx peepz^ much appreciation. glad to hear that you guys like it.
seriously. thanx again. stay coo
................
peace

I liked it......though I think you could have had more of a story laced within it.....an intricate story with plot development and such....oh well.....my only complaint.....too short....

otherwise it was pretty dope......the simple rhyme structure worked and flowed well for the perspective of a child trying to cope with fighting parents I'm assuming.....

^for sum reason i keep my rhymes short like that. i dunno.
maybe the next one i write i'll try extending it. but thanx
man. i appreciate it.
peace

yea i found that real Simple ....Pretty good read....ya structure was one of the good things...Ya Flow was good...Your rhyme scheme was okay....there was a Lack of Multis.....all and all a good read Peace
Return the Favor and hit Up My Open Mics In My sig Peace Kuz

Very heavy piece here, Ace.
To be honest, I didn't catch the meaning until I saw your footnote.
Thanks for adding that, once you did.
Damn...
I totally understood.

Good flow, real easy to read and rap to.

Nice complexity, subtle meaning, I'm sorry I mised it at first read.

Good vocab, ya went dictionary, but not ultra dictionary.
(I hate it when I see words in shit that no one would ever normally say)

Damn nice way of conveying emotion with this.

8/10

thanx peepz...i liked this one too...damn. wut should my new name be?
lol...grow up...............
.......................
.........
peACE