Deacon ~vs~ Twizzle Stix

Topic: A love relationship...taken a chance

Im sick of dark subjects figured we'd polish our love sinks...feel me..

-1-

due date: friday

good luck mayne

I dig......lol

In.

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~The essence of my love~
Next to her every second blurrs the pallet in my mind
I tried to paint her face with words but the colors aren’t defined
The lines they all connect from the start to the end.
We started as friends but now all my heart strings are stretched
Across the canvas and what my thoughts imagine maybe ought to happen
The two of us hand in hand holdin on to all the passion
Never touched and when I think of it makes my hands sweet
starts to flood the river beds of my finger prints
Im sinking in pass the depths of skin her inner beauty is a testament
I need scuba gear to catch my breath again.
Cause ive been swimmin in a blood stream worrying
When the sands of time will flooder past and bring our current in.
With purple lips from the temperature
Im knowing id be better off if I cuddled next to her.
The time I spend with her is never satisfying
From long walks to star gazin at an empty sky that’s flyin
Shuttered my eyes tight and lettin no light in
So nothing perverts an image in my closed eyelids
My mind is dominated by her presence im sold by her essence

~is it fate~
Regret is worse than I ever imagined
Cause underneath the night sky my wish had never been granted
My chance to advance is diminishing fast
The whole evening seems like a minute had past
A blanket, a night, wrapped around the two of us tight
And I held back all my urges when the mood was just right
And the moon set the light and the wind played a tune
Afraid its too soon for me to be making a move
When the truth fairs all I really wanted was her lips
Pressed against mine revitalized by a kiss
Im looking forward to our days together
Im never pressuring her but second guessin if we’re fated together
Because I waited forever and now it seems im still waitin
To give her what she wants god I hope she stays patient

~Takin the chance~
So now im sick of takin all this time to be sure
So I’ll put it on the line but first remind her its pure.
Im shaping more than just my fate in my hands
Without being sure I should respond in takin a chance

i'm really lost with the topic...i dunno why..so i'm just using love
as a loose basis for the piece...if you dont mind.

We speak of magic moments
of love with deep devotion
and always there's a battle
to reach the limits of emotion.
The reader just has to feel
every pulse of our pain
as we tell our lovers lie:
we'll not go that way again.

We speak of rainbow colors
as we beam our rays of love
and to show how deep it is
we point at the skies above.
Stars are but a blink away;
rivers are filled with dew.
To show the strength of it
we'll move a mountain or two.

We speak so clearly of dreams
like cameras from our eyes
and the photos which develop
are so easy to visualize.
None other but we
could recall such dreams
as to make a wish be true
or life bigger than it seems.

We speak of tears and fears
days and years, luck and bust.
Romance and tragedy visits
even upon the best of us.
As poets, we speak of love
but show only tiny parts
of what lingers in our souls
and deep within our hearts.

There's always feelings left
we have yet to express
but being poets who know it
we create amongst the best.
Little else comes even close or
that fits like a hand in a glove
not much can satisfy the psyche
as when "Poets Speak of Love".

Even though I dont think I can vote, here is my opinion...

Opener - Stix ( how it flowed )
Vocab - Deacon
Allusions - Deacon
Imagery - Deacon
Rhyme Scheme - Tie ( both where simple )
Metaphores - Deacon
Synonyms - Deacon
Flow - Deacon
Attention Graber - Deacon ( nice read )
Emotion - Deacon
Topic - Deacon
Closer - Deacon

Vote - Deacon ...UPPIN THIS...

-I think you should have PM'd him to be sure what the topic was. But he just had it all around pretty much. Both were good, but deacon just rained over on this one. With the emotion in it...........

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion

^Thanx

I myself believe deacon got this...but can i get some feedback
oh and be aware my piece is a poetry piece...written on the topic of love..
Deacon was cool with this.

Uppin for votes and feedback plz.

Sorry Lib but deacon got this

He had the better verse....told the story well, looks like he felt the topic and had good flow

Vote Deac

umm thanks uppin for responses./.................................................. .................................................. .........................
-1-

um uppin on this everyone...........
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-1-

well, maybe its cuz i just suck at topical but i liked twizzles more.. deacons rhyming was a little shaky, yet i felt his topic. i dont like long reads though. im gonna go with twizzle sticks this time. nice topicaling from both though. to be fair i only read half of both, i really just couldnt stay focused.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=96961

hmmm so vote doesnt count.....hahha maybe thats why he didnt post....
.................................................. .................................................. ....
-1-

the breakdown....

deacon...
You really went head first into the topic and the content showed... but... your flow was off a few time... 1 or 2 syllabuls over is ok but some lines went 3 or more over

starts to flood the river beds of my finger prints
Im sinking in pass the depths of skin her inner beauty is a testament

the approach was good, i personally like topic flips more but this one didnt allow it...good piece

Twizz...
Abstract! Your rhyme scheme was very consistent so it had a nice flow...i think you should have done more than an

A
A
B
A

because later on that pattern did fall off... the content was good, but imagry was what did it for me here

vote - deacon...consistency

p.s. Stix, try and flip the topic next time... or choose a topic that can be apporached anyway...this one was pretty straight forward

Come on know,we all know
who got this game rap up
in the bag from his flow,
meta's and punches????????


Vote= Deacon
My bad I can't vote yet but
When I do It is going to be
somthing nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Good battle from both
Emcee's.



>>>>>>>>>>>PEACE TO THE MIDDLE EAST>>>>>>>>>>>

I have to say I think deacon got this.
Twizzle u know I aint got no beef with
u so my vote is valid. We're both in
Wits End ;)
I was just feelin
Deacons piece more. peace
-1-

thanks for the votes everyone if we could get some more so this thread could be closed ....woooow that would be great
-1-

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Killjoy
Come on know,we all know
who got this game rap up
in the bag from his flow,
meta's and punches????????


Vote= Deacon
My bad I can't vote yet but
When I do It is going to be
somthing nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Good battle from both
Emcee's.



>>>>>>>>>>>PEACE TO THE MIDDLE EAST>>>>>>>>>>>

---

Quote:

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Originally posted by The Realist

p.s. Stix, try and flip the topic next time... or choose a topic that can be apporached anyway...this one was pretty straight forward

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Dont tell me how to write topicals..i would own you anyday..ho
i was in a rush..i did what i could w/ the time....

Uppin some votes for deac....you Sek-C bitch

Umm uppin guess.....come on just a couple more votes...blah blah desperation when its allowed....

-1-

Opener - Twizzle
Flow - Deacon
Emotion - Deacon
Rhyme Scheme - both
Metas - Deacon
Vocab - Deacon
Topic - Deacon
Closer - Deacon
overall - Decon

well deacon got this,even twizzle admits this,but cus this is in elite ill break it down,

deacon - showed some real good imagery, i built up a mental picture from your verse,
really got into it and stayed interested,flow was good,some peeps dont realise
you dont have to have the same length lines to achieve good flow, vocab worked well
overall a dope story, real good piece.

twizzle - felt you went more in to the poetry side, flow was a little hard to catch at first
but it improved later, some good lines, i liked the first 4 lines of the 3rd stanza,
overall good drop, just not as good as deacons


twizzle did well but he didnt grasp the topic as well as deacon, deacon a a nice little twist
with his story,twizzles was more just a straightforward talking about love, didnt real bring anything
new,

vote = deacon

I Polled A Last Vote.
-Axe