Rememberin Us: Based on a true story

Replied to:
['My Last Supper'] - it's been a while, vets might remember me by Lowd Mowf
Interpritation Of Imprisonment by Explict
NUCLEAR CONCEPTS PRESENT: HOW HIP HOP FELL CYPHER(featuring the 7 realist cats) by WORD~PERFECT

I remember when we stayed up all night on the phone togetha/
Constantly sayin we loved each otha and we'd be togetha forever//
Our love wuz strong, only had hearts for one anotha/
Thinkin of us doin late night stargazin unda a cova//
I wuz heaven sent and u were my lil princess/
Then it went downhill and we started becomin distant//
No more late night talks, insecurities started to form/
Arguments arose, always ended wit us hangin up the phone//
When it rains it pours, and we were in a storm/
We tried to stick out but our differences wouldn't conform//
I tried so hard cuz I didn't want to break ur heart/
But my foolish persona continued to drive us apart//
U's my baby momma and I'm sorry for all of the mad drama/
For startas, my decisions caused all of the bad karma//
The truth is .............I can't see myself wit no otha/
Let's start ova and take our relationship a lil furtha//
U my only lova and I want the whole world to know it/
If u gave me anotha chance, gurl, I promise i wouldn't blow it//
Just give in to the temptation of havin me by ur side again/
Let me send sensations down ur spine while layin on bed linen//
Remember when u said u'll always take me back/
But if that changed, I guess I'll have to live wit that//

Uppin for feedback.......................................... ...................1

Holy shit dawg much props.. your peice just painted a whole god damn picture..i was really feelin it.. nice imagry and creativity i like it...one of the best i've seen so far... structure was nice and easy to read....10/10

Return the Favor: My open Mic

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=95629

PZ

Thanx for the feedback. It's only my second open mic. I put my heart it to it. Uppin for more feedback

can you plz return the favor and check out my open mic

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95629

propz for that...love...i feel you on that dog...i have myself a princess at the moment too...we're in the stage that you were at the start...i'm hopin it doesn't end the way urs did...but i can relate to that tho...in one way or another..and the way you expressed it, i don't know if i coulda done it any better than that, i was feelin it...i felt the heart...its probably wut makes it so great...keep it up dog...one god, one love, one way

peace

Thanx Ace. Uppin for mor feedback.

Since this is your second open mic it is obvious that you had alot of experience. Your rhyme scheme, line length and imagery was on pac. Good Shit Dog Im gonna keep lookin for your work. pz and luv

Thanx man. Uppin for more feedback

Still uppin for feedback

i like this piece, everything was in place, wordplay, vocab, immagery, the topic was used to good effect.

overall a very nice drop indeed, not much to criticise.
8.5/10


please peep 'breakin', by myself and white lightning, when i put it up in the next few minutes.

I'll try to peep it. Thanx for the feedback. Uppin for more feedback.

This was a good drop, had some really creative wordplay and not stretched lines which was nice had a great flow a lot of vocab a well writ piece 8/10

could you hit up my battle that is in my sig wit an honest vote...thanks mayn pz

You had a dope rhyme scheme here...the flow was basically 'off-the-hook'.....every bar was simply a lyrical excelliancy. You had dope internals..flow as i said was immense...smooth.

Liked the topic behind it.. pieces like this are what in my opinion keep Open Mic alive.... love shit like this.... you used the right words, right phrases to really express your feelin's here..i loved the real gritty emotional bars that you used here...dope...

Nothing to critize to be honest..full well deserved 5/5 - not too many pieces get that from me... we gotta hook up sometime dawg...

keep this shit up..

Thanx RT. I'll get @ u wit sumthin. Uppin for some more feedback!

Uppin one last time for feedback

The flow was well done, and it got carried by some nice syllable work here and there - although sometimes it jogged, it was pretty much perfect all the way through

the style of your writing isn't as unique as it should be if you want a lot of attention from readers - you need to find a way to write that hasn't been done a lot, wording and such

but i liked this.. nice piece

Thanx for the feedback.