[Wk2] Edicius vs Deacon

Verses Due: Thursday October 15th
Voting Ends: Sunday October 18th

Topic: Obedient Mind

im cha cha checkin in folks.......should be in by thursday but thats when i get back from vacation....if not in thursday forsure friday...

-1-

In^^

Gluck....

im goin 15 prolly

Alright i just finished a great piece and it was screwed over by an error sign......wow that pisses me off....i didnt save it so im starting over..be done in 15 mins hopefully...

-1-

Thats fucked up ^^ lol

I post 2nite, ..

Im off now...

A mirror image of obedience

In the mydst of it all i profess..
paint me with your image, sinlessness
animate and recreate my iniquity ways
Catapult my innocence to a brighter day

Measure my faith in a matter of T.I.M.E
a Tiny Interlude Mydst Eternity to shine
a consequence which led me to believe
my pain preceded me easily, like the salt in sea

my body a chapel to council my brothers
your word conserves me to reach out to others
embody me to acknowledge all truth
You are the way, the name, my root

use me dearly and as for you the same
let death be my last enemy, amen

blah ahhh got rid of it finally....

haha

dont even ask me....my comp is being an idiot and it posted it twice....alright delete one of them

-1-

:.Obedient Minds.:
A confused industrial complex,....tryin to maintain a unprecedented hype,
tryin to fit in,fail's so they try harder hidin behind alter ego's of any type.
bein obedient,tryin to protect, them selves from a painfull furter hummiliation,
Cuz in side their head its just a dubious unaccountable destroyed organisation.

:.Maybe its becuz.:
Consequently incorporations of... releasin... pain,
Resultin in a struggle,flowdin,in every single vain.
And its providin,crucial fuel for a symbiotic relation,
or are obedient minds just a victem of their own misinterpretation?.
Hidin behind, statements, of others,why so afraid to express themselves?,
bein obedient,to reactions intstead of lookin inside listenin to their selves.
Cant stand the thing called constructive critism,
indulgin,.... curious obidient minds their cynism.
Seems they are unable to orchastrate,.... plans to avoid the unwanted,
gettin exceptionally tense waitin impatiently on a place were wanted.

:.I Guess.:
That its always gonna stay the way is, ..same as peeps die'in daily from slugs,
Like imaginin a future,where the most valuable currency is not cash,gold,drugs.

I just wanted to say nice verses to both...

I would vote but I really dont understand topicals well enough to do so...

Sorry...

Props to both writers though
Good reads from both

Thanks alot man...lets get the votes going.....


start your engines.


-1-

Short And Simple, To The Point..
Edicus Tried Too Hard.. To Force
Rhymes And Make It Seem More
Complex Than It Needed To BE
But What He Lacked In Experience
Deacon Lacked In Length. Deacon
Had An Alright Verse, But Was Not
As Good As Suicide's...

Vote: Suicide Edicus

Thnx ....Its not forcin tho, ...but thnx for the feedback ,..now i know the aspects i can work on...cuz its nor forced, writin, ..but it looks like that, ..but ill try to work on , ..it so people, ..dont think its forced...^^preciated...

Edicious's verse did seem more deep
Deacon yours was original and cool
I think edicious did take this one
I generally preferred reading his verse
Also it flowed and raised better aspects
of the topic.. Pz

Vote-Suicide Edicious

^^ I just love jackin peoples steeze.. lol

haha...no disrespect to Edicius....but this is a complete suprise to me....i've read over both thoroughly and i honestly can say your piece was rushed, half of the words are miss spelled alot of the words dont even fit or relate to the content of the piece.... Saying my piece wasn't deep enough..you need a little medicine...h this is a sad day in America...votingmust go on...word

Erm swayin?

W/e man ...

Spellin errors, ..is in my case normal^lol but their arent to much..and it wsnt rushed...
And sayin it wsnt relate?...
....lol^^this is funny 4 real...i never said ur piece wsnt deep nuff, ...

Topic Obedient mind

My verse was my view on obedient minds...

I dont know what u talkin about :)

not you man.....someone else said...not intending to sway at all...having sureal's vote alone will sway some votes for you..no worries...

-1-

Man the fact he voted for me is a suprise, ...

He hates me..^

Now u talkin bout urs was better 'no worries', ...what bout that?...

Man...its all coo^ with me, ...do w.e u want...

deacon.. stop swaying.
dont be a hoe.. i dont like them..
although i did think you won .

deacon- kept it short and sweet. a good read. rhymed, nice font (lol). good imagery, let me use my imagination.

edicus - urs was also good. seemed rushed and forced. probably not nearly your best. a bit too long... shoulda kept it short like deacon's.. good imagery, not quite as good as deacons .

vote- deacon.

I also felt that Edicius's verse had forced elements. Some hesitations, then you'll have points with too many words stringed together. There's no need for some 4 adjectives attacking me at once. A good deal of the message was very nice, but the presentation put me off a little. Mispelling is okay, but only as long as you can still immediately decipher the correct word, or the mispelling allows the reader to pronounce it the same. Were and where are different words. Deacon's was nice and simple. Cool presentation as an outside source. The technical elements were on point, he didn't make many "mistakes".

Oh, and chill out with the arguing/swaying stuff. Both of you have very true and valid points, but bottle it, it's off-putting.

Vote-Deacon.

yeah...i agree..i got upset and i let it get to my head....sorry man..lets keep these votes coming...

-1-

Deacon- Very poetic. I really enjoyed reading your piece, and I thought the bar with the whole time acronym was really dope. Your metaphors were good, and your flow worked well. A little short though. Don't sway anymore or I'll have to pimpslap your beatnick ass =)

Edicius- Shitty assed flow. Word on your flow. If your flow is terrible, it in turn makes the piece terrible, or at least closer to terrible than it is to dope. You had some very nice lines with very nice wordplay, however you forced your vocab so it made your flow wack. I think if you had taken the time to play around with your words, this had potential for dopeness.

vote-deacon

Oh well , thats ur opinon , ...under, oldo in my opinion , ..it wsnt forced, ..it maybe looks to u like it is but its not, ..

When u use high vocab , ...dsnt mean its forced, its writin, not audio..and i think the flow restored at the end of the lines, ..but its to bad, that when u have hard words, in a row, people think its forced, ...

But 3-2 Deacons way...

U had a nice verse, ..poetic,..and short, ..but to me it wsnt totally on topic, ..but still a nice piece...

Up^

I feel the same way. I think the first kat, deacon, was deeper than needed and I feel the story line thing more. Thought it was nice though. Edicius just seemed to relate to the reader more and felt more solid.

PS: Dont know too much about topicals like this but what feels better thus... i have to go.

vote - edicius

deeper than needed.wtf...Obedient minds= deep subject...blah blah you suck and what not....hah and the not on topic comment...hmmm..im trying to think where its not on topic....cant find it...
-1-

Already commented that I liked both pieces.......

But I just felt deacons more...

Nothing against either both cause both were nice...

Just deacon's connected with me better

deacon wins.
[closed]