Revenge From The Sidelines (My Inner Demons Personified)

He said take a Suicide slide
no thats not for me
that requires initiative
I can still hear my inner little league coach yell'n
PITCH IT IN
PLAY THROUGH THE PAIN
GO GET THE TEAM SOME GATORADE
his orders go right through me
at full volume
to this day
all this kids are chanting
dont-fuck-up
dont-fuck-up
but i was indifferent
never a team player
no I in team
they said
but there is a
m and an e
I was never
much of an
athlete
standards that i
cant meet
some body
feel free
to stop me
before I
leave
YOU FUCKING LOSER
WHY DONT YOU TRY WINNING FOR ONCE
DONT YOU KNOW HOW NOT TO BE A KLUTZ?
shut the fuck up
your driving me fucking nuts
think your better than me
just cuz you have a job
and a gut
Id kill myself
If i was 45
and still wore sweatpants to work
YOU LITTLE JERK
I'LL WRING YOUR FUCKING NECK
ILL TEACH YOU THING A OR 2 ABOUT DISRESPECT
its not my fault
that youve got a crappy life
or that you just got divorced
from your 5th wife
and she took the house
and the kids
and now there both bastards
why dont you do yourself
a favor
skip the child support and
get yourself a stairmaster
YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYTHING
YOU LITTLE FAGGOT GO SING A SONG
MY LIFE MAY SUCK BUT YOUR'E NOT GONNA LIVE THIS LONG
your probly right, me living that longs not likely
but the way you turned out it
looks like somebody up there likes me
SMART ASS KID
TAKE OFF THAT UNIFORM AND PUT ON A DRESS
I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE THERES TOO MUCH FUCKING STRESS
you think it's stressful to be insulted
what a revelation
oh my god
youve had a
hard day of ego manifestation
get this man another hot dog
that'll fix that
I THINK IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK
(falls to the floor)
alright, whos next up to bat?

this is definetly my weirdest piece so far
THE CAPITAL LETTERS ARE THE COACH TALKING
and the lower case letters are me talking
any feedback would be highly appreciated, thx

read dis plz
then lemme know what
you thought of it, thx

Wow....kind of like a mini story to me....hmm....i like the line about having an m and e in the word team..well thought out...very nice!

hmm...it may be weird to other people..but in your eyes it is probably the most beautiful art work....so don't let other people get you down....

Very painful is what i got out of it...i could be wrong..i'm just telling you what i got out of it....kinda of reminded me of a child being picked on..and then reminding me of past fears..that catch up and haunt you..
Nice..
God bless..1..

thanks for the support and feedback LadyTrinity
Your interpretation was interesting and very much appreciated
Any other comments or criticisms are welcome and and encouraged!

upp'n
this
thread
like
wonder
bread

^^^^^^
plz
read that
and
feed back
thx

lemme know what you think of this, thanks

This Was Definately Different...
The Scrolling Part Was Annoying
But Still Worth Reading

Your A Player Without The Jersey
You Win Or You Lose..Inbetweens
Unacceptable Unless The Word
Player Is Used In A Different Context

This Made Me Think Of Eminems Song Kim
Which I Dont Even Like But Emotionally
You Were On That Level With This Piece

Pushing The Limit Is Good And Being
Creative Is A Gift Embrace The Talent

Peace

This was quite raw, you used a very on the edge style. Which was used to fairly good effect.

I liked how you got right into the 'mind-set' of the situation. Just kept it going without relenting.

The desperation also appealed to me.

Nice read...

..resp..

Thanks for the Compliments
varentao and Content Flowz
I respect both your work and I'll keep
writing if you keep reading
:Peace:

any other takers?

so you really think that u'r that kid that dishes out the insults? dude, u make like 25 fuckin posts a day, and yet you feel that you're not gonna turn out to be like that coach. Really man, u'r obsessed with just a fuckin website, just chill out man, it's a fuckin website. so definitely quit acting like you're better than other people when u'r probably on the same level of pathetic as them.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by 2%
^I'm not even going to dignify that with an original response

---

GOING
GOING
GONE!

um.....wow this is an interesting piece.........i really don know how to respond to it....def like a mini story as was said.....

this is....well....wow

interesting parts:
that youve got a crappy life
or that you just got divorced
from your 5th wife
and she took the house
and the kids
and now there both bastards
why dont you do yourself
a favor
skip the child support and
get yourself a stairmaster
YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYTHING
YOU LITTLE FAGGOT GO SING A SONG
MY LIFE MAY SUCK BUT YOUR'E NOT GONNA LIVE THIS LONG
your probly right, me living that longs not likely
but the way you turned out it
looks like somebody up there likes me
SMART ASS KID
TAKE OFF THAT UNIFORM AND PUT ON A DRESS


lol there were many parts of this that acctually had me crackin up...fun drop man wish i could read more like it

different but clean,i little long but never tha less good,it was a lil sketchy at first to but you got over that quick,nice piece,keep elevatin and spittin~1~

Sup 2%..
I dont think I've read anything from you before but I was really feelin this..Never read anything like it before..I liked how you were able to switch back and forth in the dialogue without making it confusing, also the structure, I thought, added emphasis to certain lines, rather than having it all bunched together in one paragraph..I also liked the whole baseball theme, how it was touched on literally and metaphorically in the beginning, middle, and end of the poem.
I thought this showed mad creativity and abilty on your part, and
I look forward to reading more from you.
Nice work.
Pz.

wow praise from the queen
*bows* (lol)
but seriously, thanks a lot
for the in depth feedback
It means a lot coming from you
I'm glad you enjoyed it
and I'll keep on writing
if you keep reading
Peace

Quote:

---

Originally posted by nypdemon
so you really think that u'r that kid that dishes out the insults? dude, u make like 25 fuckin posts a day, and yet you feel that you're not gonna turn out to be like that coach. Really man, u'r obsessed with just a fuckin website, just chill out man, it's a fuckin website. so definitely quit acting like you're better than other people when u'r probably on the same level of pathetic as them.

---

It was once said, that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. Im thinking you could benefit from that advice nypdemon.

^word

If you got feedback, Id like to hear it, THX

nice piece, I was feeling it...
you could feel the desperation and the thought just running thru your head...
this was not a played out theme, nice shit dawg.
keep droppin
peace

and thats the ballgame?

that was off the hook...i loved that story..the fiisher was crazy...it was pretty funny as well at parts...i liked the word play some parts pretty simple but the you structured it all it seemd good,,,all in all great art right there...keep it up

thanks for the compliments rule, split-eyes and tourniquet
*thinks to self*
hmmmmm, maybe this should be nominated for RB legends

dat wuz pretty good... style wuz unique which i liked da best... u also switched back and forth from characters which made it interesting... i liked how u went back to baseball at da end... nice...
me is in team... not dat great.... but ok....
overall reaal nice style and everything...
aND DaTS... Da BaLLGaME...

^thanks for the comments
this actually did get nominated for RB Legends
but I don't think it's gonna get in
cuz it's all bout who ya know
oh well, upp'n fo' tha last time!

sometime you just need to let go...
and if someone replies...someone replies....
once again..I think I said this was good like
a year ago...now im saying it twice....

...without saying why cause I probaly said
and dont remember how I worded it all...