Re: Black - The Masterpeace
links in the mornin
yup yup
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
I needed a break from studying, and I have a feeling I'm not going back to my material anytime soon now that I've read this.. my interpretations may be completely off since I'm going on no sleep, but here goes.
sub-saharan safari, a lone sandstorm unaware of the party
the scarabs who haunt me, the same enlisting Pharaoh his army,
Empirical, Godly, double-helix hologram entrusted to rule
cause every lost soul develops something to prove;
stuck in this pool of talking dolphins flying sporadically,
writing "thanks for all the fish!" inside a guide to the galaxy,
atom bomb collages painted high in the planet's peak,
I'll start by saying this is the first time I've heard the word scarab used in a piece. I dig the imagery, I dig the concepts. You manage to include two references within not even a line, which I find pretty dope. Sub saharan Safari.. a part of a large hot desert is that of a lone sandstorm, etc. The misdirections that you have as well, a scarab haunting, when a scarab was said to protect your soul right? I'm a little puzzled with the 'develops something to prove'.. why is it developing something to prove, and how? I know I'm being annoying, and I actually agree with you with the development, but a stronger connection between the soul and the scarabs and its influence would benefit I feel. Other than that, flow as always is on point, content is great
cycles of atrophy leave your garbage floating in bloodstreams
pyramids piercing heaven's barrier to open the sunbeams,
In Dr. King's footsteps - here, he hoped to become clean
realizing that he died because he only had one dream.
rolling the dutch leaves, inhale osmosis & puff steam
wasteland for stray humans that are socially drug free.
soaking in dusk's heat, cactus embalms this crooked animal farm
balanced upon insanity's mechanical palm -
relaxing & calm when we're held in it's intangible arms
until it sinks in, these actions never happened at all ..
Again, atrophy, wasting away of your body --> your garbage floating.. dope wording and concept.. I hope people pick up on that. Are the pyramids referring to the beginning? Or not neccessarily? Anyway it does provide a segway into the King concept which was cool, I took it as opening of the mind's gates as well and letting in the truth that he died for a simple yet powerful dream he had. Again, Animal Fram relating to the book, or at least I hope that could be a reference.. another good concept to relate to power struggle and going against tradition. Insanity's mechanical palm.. as if insanity is holding our world and has complete control over it. This was my favorite part of your piece, loved the content and analogies
castles of bronze, triangular and coated in limestone
could God create a rock that wouldn't float in a cyclone?
once you're so far displaced that it's hopeless to write home,
it don't matter how much music you can hold in your iphone.
sodium trichromes - genetic mutants crawlin across the floor,
beaten paths towards nirvana twist from boston to baltimore ;
gravity's anchor is blamed for washing the dawn ashore,
like left-wing candidates that say conglomerates caused the war.
blossoming, soft & warm - red roses grown in a casket,
rise everytime I use the phrase "if you could only imagine.."
thrown into madness, random visions covered with cataracts -
bathed in blood leaking from the hump on a camel's back.
stuck in this sandy trap, feeling semi-unconscious
cause any optimism spawns another set of mirages.
beyond the legends & crosses - humanity's indebted confinement,
it's all tangent vibrations and magnetic alignment.
The Masterpeace is simple, it's not lost treasure or diamonds
and you aint gotta trek into a desert to find it.
i'd trade a lifetime of white noise for a second of silence,
i even made my way out into the desert to find it.
so where do we go from here?
Castles of broze, triangular.. another reference to pyramids? I like the reference, I'm just not sure if there is an umbrella over all of these pyramids that is supposed to group all of the different concepts into one.. I'm missing something I feel. The twist line alluding to a tornado going from Boston to Baltimore was cool, and the gravity's anchor line is probably my favorite single line in the piece.. Dopeeee concept yet again. The if you can only imagine, red roses, allude to the lost souls developing something to prove? So maybe this is a calling for them.. kind of like a ''this is your time to make it right or make it that way you want''. The last line kills any kind of positive tone, which I definately like because if you had ended on a positive note it woulda been that much more confusing.. I feel like the whole piece has an urgent, eye opening tone and I'm glad you ended it that way. The last stanza was cool, again relating back to the desert in the beginning.. I think the first two lines of the last stanza define what the piece is about. The masterpiece, is everything going as planned, instead of people choosing to adjust nature's plans for their selfish needs.. Or not selfish needs neccessarily.. but yea.
Dope stuff overall, this should be Nomd for its content alone. On a side note, I'll get to writing the introduction and conclusion of ours shortly, finals are almost done for me. Keep writing and posting please, always refreshing reading your pieces
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
swag
i feel like answering the question at the end with a new verse
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
This was a dope piece bro. I really liked the multi's in this one and also how you made it flow with the multis and the structure is good as well. It's a real original topic to write about so props on that... and you managed to have some really good concepts in this piece. Content was great, might even be the best part of this for me. Great work!
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
i guess to add onto that ^^^^
my favourite bar of this piece was probably the opening:
sub-saharan safari, a lone sandstorm unaware of the party
the scarabs who haunt me, the same enlisting Pharaoh his army,
^this kinda set the topic and i guess flow for the piece. the rest of the piece had almost the same consistent flow of the opening line which made it smooth to read.
also another line that i liked in this piece was
In Dr. King's footsteps - here, he hoped to become clean
realizing that he died because he only had one dream.
Not a line that made wow but I really like how this was worded and executed.
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
well... thanks yo
and i never properly thanked essen - btw whats good with that verse kid?
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
Very good. I see potential in you, keep practicing, keep at it, and I promise you you will be one of the greats on RB.
7/10
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
thanks guys..
ill keep your advice in mind...
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
No doubt, I PMed you my verse about a week ago fam, let me know if you got it and what you think of it.. I just got done with a lotta papers n work so the intro and ending should be done shortly..
Consider this an up, mods, or delete the post eventually
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
Yo forreal, I hate you for this,
Shit this was just too fuckin dope,
Bro please bless us with audio
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
trust man, i have plans for the future..
thanks a lot.. but fuck you.. cause that still not feedback..
asshole..
:hung:
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...017/index.html
New collaboration from Cry and myself, check it out friendo.
This was a fucking hella dope read. The wording was just perfectly placed (no dick riding intended, for the homo viewers) and the flow was simply enjoyable. I felt like Atmosphere reading this piece. Kinda strange, yet dope at the same time. The idea itself was creative and original, though Soulstice, and I both, have done similiar to this topic before...buuuuuuut....not as good. lol. Anyways, fo sho hof piece. Keep writing, we need to colllab you whore!
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
honestly, you don't fail to impress. I just read your SS verse last night, and thought it was dope, but I think I may like this verse more. Here we go.
The whole beginning was dope, I loved it.
Quote:
sub-saharan safari, a lone sandstorm unaware of the party
the scarabs who haunt me, the same enlisting Pharaoh his army,
Empirical, Godly, double-helix hologram entrusted to rule
cause every lost soul develops something to prove;
stuck in this pool of talking dolphins flying sporadically,
writing "thanks for all the fish!" inside a guide to the galaxy,
atom bomb collages painted high in the planet's peak,
what best describes this catastrophe? a title - The Masterpeace.
I can only describe the imagery used here as "controlled chaos." The images all carry their own levels of meaning and importance, and somehow they all flow together on the same path with each other. It is no easy feat to make them get along like that; you're like the Phil Jackson of imagery. It was "the beautiful disaster" so to speak, since a lot of those images don't typically carry peaceful connotations (sandstorms, lost souls, armies, a-bombs). But as I said before, somehow they fit and seem natural.
Quote:
In Dr. King's footsteps - here, he hoped to become clean
realizing that he died because he only had one dream.
rolling the dutch leaves, inhale osmosis & puff steam
wasteland for stray humans that are socially drug free.
That Dr. King line was sick, I had to rewind on that one when I first read this. There is an authoritative voice to your writing that passes any thought as Truth, and that is an exceptional trait to have as a writer.
Quote:
blossoming, soft & warm - red roses grown in a casket,
rise everytime I use the phrase "if you could only imagine.."
...
stuck in this sandy trap, feeling semi-unconscious
cause any optimism spawns another set of mirages.
beyond the legends & crosses - humanity's indebted confinement,
it's all tangent vibrations and magnetic alignment.
The Masterpeace is simple, it's not lost treasure or diamonds
and you aint gotta trek into a desert to find it.
i'd trade a lifetime of white noise for a second of silence,
i even made my way out into the desert to find it.
this whole last section was dope. the imagery of beauty arising from death, the illusion of optimism, the blurring of science and superstition, all of it was a feast for thought. Very provacative. I also liked the repetition of the rhyme "desert to find it" since it emphasized the journey that it takes to make sense of this "masterpeace." Not much else I can say about this, I have no quarrels with any of it to be honest. It was an excellent piece.
please rtf http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...021/index.html
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
cycles of atrophy leave your garbage floating in bloodstreams
pyramids piercing heaven's barrier to open the sunbeams,
In Dr. King's footsteps - here, he hoped to become clean
realizing that he died because he only had one dream.
rolling the dutch leaves, inhale osmosis & puff steam
wasteland for stray humans that are socially drug free.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^I was feeling this section
this was a nice piece Black, I can always count on you to bring something ill
it read smoothly to me, your usage of vocab is still uncompared from what I see
usually people throw around vocab to sound ill
you throw it around and make it bring your piece full circle
this was nice, I wanted to see it go on further but it ended nicely
not how I would expect...still good....keep writing brah!!!!!!!!!
