Four Horsemen ft. Genesis, Scribez and Gabriel

before any of yall get to reading this.. yea its a little on the long side, but if you would be good enough to at least check a few lines from each emcee before decidin "fuck it this shit too longs..im off for some of that 6 bar shit", it'd be cool. i will return any feed, good or bad, with no hate. expectin full honesty on each verse from all yall. thanks for checkin it out.. now lets get to it...

The Four Horsemen of the Hiphopocolypse – IconIQ ft Genesis, Scribez and Gabriel

IconIQ and Genesis – Chorus of the Horsemen

The sun's eclipsed, by the Hiphopocolypse
Coffins split, we escape by rippin' out the lockin' bit
Never dormant, no! Not these Four Horsemen
The foremen, raisin' a dawn of war, on this mornin'
So start runnin', this is your forewarnin'
You can tell that we're comin', cause the storms formin'
Born swordsmen, every plague of the Lord gets more morbid
Feel the wrath, if you step in the path, of the Four Horsemen

Gabriel – the First Horseman – Strife

I will Bury ya Soul in trenches where its SCary n Cold
I'm known to look like the demonic christ and Carry a Bow
I summon every buried Pharoah Beneath Narrow in Streets
Dashin off my scorchin Barrels of Arrows to Seek
Righteous Prophets turnin them to Lifeless Objects
Spreadin the word to every ear that Christ is Gossip
That scientific theory is the only Right and Logic
Leavin the civilians faith minimize to Microscopic
I Literally Vividly Miserably rearrange History Globally
Cursen soul into flames like I possess Wizardry Sorcery
I let Every Breathin Deadly Demon Already Steady Feedin
Rip ya belly as no God can hear your Heavy Screamin
Possess a Tyranny Mind so angels will be Left to Violently Die
My motive is to leave Gabriel Pogress to Silently Cry

Chorus of the Horsemen

Scribez – the Second Horseman – War

Living amongst explosions Still can't even Complete the Notion
For some Reason we'll feel the need to keep it goin, with Deep Devotion
I Hate this Shit! Fuck Patriots! I Do this for Depression
To Level out the population with many different weapons
The weapon I enjoy the most is the possession of yur soul
Thats me inside each of you when you let yur inner weapons go
I'm The Rage and the Greed I'm a Caged in Beast
I'm a pyschopathic God of War Plus a Great Emcee
Just wait and See, as I'm a Criminal Junkie
Attempted genocide in almost 14 Different Countries
Believe the hype, I'm the most devious and evil type
I got Achievements like jesus chris getting freakin spiked
To the Cross, now tell me bitch! WHOS THE BOSS?
Fuck it, I'm the crowd of people throwing Fruits n Rocks!
I'm Hitlers Apocolypse Every Killers Hypothesis
I been killing since the beginning and I'm still Talkin Shit
Nobody is Stoppin it I'll be Murdering Forever
Unless the human civilization can actually get it together
Which will probably be never, since we can't live in peace
I'll continue to put you all through hell, like troops in the middle east!

Chorus of the Horsemen

IconIQ – the Third Horseman – Famine

Famines which scorch, the earth like a lit torch
Torture farmers, armed on their porch with a pitchfork
Atop a sick horse, I beckon Armageddon
You forgettin', you can't fight me with armour n weapons
See, Famine's complex in it's conquest
Ya guts behave like they concave, I flex convex
Ya can't con death, I take breath from corn fields
Nothin' torn heals, like the poor eels in porn reels
This kid sold me his life, for two bowls of rice
But get back to me dawg... I'll keep ya soul on ice
The whole of my advice, means you rollin' the dice
You stolen a bite? Aight... you stay swollen n nice
A fresh, edible mammal, for the cannibal crew
Hannibal? Who? The gang'll be man-handlin' you
Travellin' to the fuckin' oven, where you get shoved in
Hard combustin', the starvin' start munchin' that munchkin

Chorus of the Horsemen

Genesis – the Fourth Horseman – Death

I've crafted mixtures, of images, depicted in graphic pictures
From satanic figures, who predicted my existence in Catholic scriptures
Every chapter's sicker, each passage worse, in the pastor's verse
That said my after-birth, would impact the surface and crack the earth
At the church, I was labeled the angel of death
That would lay you to rest, strangle your neck, and inhale your breath
Traded my halo for lent, and tried to increase the murder rate
So I received an early fate, and was barred from the pearly gates
I hurdled straight to the second realm, stumbled out of Heaven and fell
Then was summoned by the Devil himself, from the ninth level of Hell
He said he could help, and gave me an artificial heart and tissue
With a death list, and an enlargened sickle, sharp as ginsu
Slipped through the dark to get you, as I rode on a knight's horse
Resurrected the soul of the Christ corpse, and he sold me his life force
My source of knowledge is perceived as a prophet's gift
So not even God'll live, on the eve of the Hiphopocolypse

my links below. any feed appreciated and returned.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-383993.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-384991.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-385161.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-384941.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ad-385146.html

edit: fixed a few spelling mistakes... i am loathe to fuck wit cats verses but there was one or two glarin at me, n i had to change. apologies to my boys. lol

wow....well...nice shit guys....I liked this alot....you all flowed together nicely and kept the rythym with eachother...synced it well....the concept was ok...Ive seen similar writings to this, but not such a large collab....good job co-operation wise...genesis closed the piece nicely...the whole thing was put together really well....good job guys...rtf...peace....

This has to be one of the smoothies collab si have read in a while man. nice shit an di love how the story went but still kept it from straying into a more poetic vibe and kept straight with the flow man. the break offs was nice the chorus thing i aint really into...

breakdown...

Gabriel are you talking abou tthe hence forward gabriel? wait never mind i dont think so oh well anyways... your take in this was nice... i felt like at some areas the vocabulary to depict that section was over used. maybe for a deep type of war feel with some cryptic rhytmn but i wasnt feeling it... you had spelling errors man which bothered me with the flow...caus ei had to stop and re-read that line.

Quote:

---

Righteous Prophets turnin them to Lifeless Objects
Spreadin the word to every ear that Christ is Gossip
That scientific theory is the only Right and Logic
Leavin the civilians faith minimize to Microscopic
I Literally Vividly Miserably rerange History Globally
Cursen soul into flames like I poccess Wizardry Sorcery
I let Every Breathin Deadly Demon Already Steady Feedin
Rip ya belly as no God can hear yout Heavy Screamin
Pocess a Tranny Mind so angels will be Left to Violently Die
My motive is to leave Gabriel Pogress to Silently Cry

---

^^
This part stood nicely but still grammar problems but i quote these for you case these lines caught my attention fro your part out of creativity man. nice job.

Skribez ok your part was nicely done but fuckin spelling errors man.... don't shorten your words to make it sound gangsta' unless used properly dude. your verse was well spit with the flow but the grammar man...remember we cant here cause it aint audio its what we read and the spelling errors in here hurt my eyes props though man

Quote:

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I Hate this Shit! Fuck Patriots! I Do this for Depression
To Level out the population with many different weopons
The weopon I enjoy the most is the possession of yur soul
Thats me inside each of you when you let yur inner weopons go
I'm The Rage and the Greed I'm a Caged in Beast
I'm a pyschopathic God of War Plus a Great Emcee
Just wait and See, as I'm a Criminal Junkie
Attempted genocide in almost 14 Different Countries
Believe the hype, I'm the most devious and evil type
I got Achievements like jesus chris getting freakin spiked
To the Cross, now tell me bitch! WHOS THE BOSS?
Fuck it, I'm the crowd of people throwing Fruits n Rocks!
I'm Hitlers Apocolypse Every Killers Hypothesis
I been killing since the beginning and I'm still Talkin Shit

---

^^ I like how you kept it withing being you with a flow and yet still have a sense of emotion in it with a twist and hint cryptic ideal nah mean?... great sense of word choice and way of about things around in your verse dude props to you. but remembe rthis REVISING!

IconIQYou started of nice with your shit man... it flowed well off and had a little hip hop to it...you know i hipped and then i hopped! lmfao anyways but when it came wining down... you had a little slip with things and it was like fuck it im almost done with my verse ill just jot it down and not re-think it... i mean it went well but the metaphorical passage executed with it was just killing me cause it felt a bit forced... you just wanted it ro rhyme ya know... please dont ever try that again cause if it flows well off then let it be do not force a such thing.

Quote:

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Famines which scorch, the earth like a lit torch
Torture farmers, armed on their porch with a pitchfork
Atop a sick horse, I beckon Armageddon
You forgettin', you can't fight me with armour n weapons
See, Famine's complex in it's conquest
Ya guts behave like they concave, I flex convex
Ya can't con death, I take breath from corn fields
Nothin' torn heals, like the poor eels in porn reels
This kid sold me his life, for two bowls of rice
But get back to me dawg... I'll keep ya soul on ice
The whole of my advice, means you rollin' the dice
You stolen a bite? Aight... you stay swollen n nice

---

My quote of lines from you... nice shit man i loved the flow and the word assortion. you rcontent was strong and stood that way til the end.... not much a threat but a message to you saying "Revising is Key" props.

Genesisyou rot me had the best verse out of all of em' cause everyline fell right where it should have been placed. your wrote away emotion with metaphorical use but knowledge of the sheet and protected yourself with letting your rhyme come off the tongue nicely. nothing seemed a bit forced in my eyes though some lines i wish you could have done it abit more but you know still and awesome job dude!

Quote:

---

I've crafted mixtures, of images, depicted in graphic pictures
From satanic figures, who predicted my existence in Catholic scriptures
Every chapter's sicker, each passage worse, in the pastor's verse
That said my after-birth, would impact the surface and crack the earth
At the church, I was labeled the angel of death
That would lay you to rest, strangle your neck, and inhale your breath
Traded my halo for lent, and tried to increase the murder rate
So I received an early fate, and was barred from the pearly gates
I hurdled straight to the second realm, stumbled out of Heaven and fell
Then was summoned by the Devil himself, from the ninth level of Hell

---

I loved the catholic scripture line and the earth line man... shit was sick as fuck dude. The reason i liked yours more was because it stood with finese and had no spelling error and no grammar mistakes man.


Overall this was a nice collab... just something nice to read and let it be known. The only advice and tip i could give you is slow down on the transition between lines of when a multie will be placed man. Your errors hurt my eyes from misspelling to misuse of content in such area nah mean... keep ya head up though and i see you guys must be new... but dont stray dudes stay in this area. props again guys Pz.s

Quote:

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Originally Posted by James Cortez

This has to be one of the smoothies collab si
breakdown...

IconIQYou started of nice with your shit man... it flowed well off and had a little hip hop to it...you know i hipped and then i hopped! lmfao anyways but when it came wining down... you had a little slip with things and it was like fuck it im almost done with my verse ill just jot it down and not re-think it... i mean it went well but the metaphorical passage executed with it was just killing me cause it felt a bit forced... you just wanted it ro rhyme ya know... please dont ever try that again cause if it flows well off then let it be do not force a such thing.

My quote of lines from you... nice shit man i loved the flow and the word assortion. you rcontent was strong and stood that way til the end.... not much a threat but a message to you saying "Revising is Key" props.

---

i feel you like a priest in a choir on the chorus, they aint my strong point for real, i needs to work on em.

i wanted to twist the end to show how famine might twist the world once the plague hit, hence the cannibalisitic end, which might not be clear to all, so i can see how it could look like im jus pushin for the rhymes. obviously, i aint pulled it off right though, if thats how its come across to you. thanks for the feed dawg.

if you drop feed on this, leave me a link to RTF and i'll hit ya shit up in case i don't find a piece of yours. (gonna hunt for ya latest pieces, tactixx and cortez). 1

nah its nothing against you man the only problem i see the biggest fo ryou four is just the grammar when you are on this board the spelling shit does count cause a mispelled word just like WEOPONS when its supposed to be weapons and your instead of yur ya know... i said slang if you muist but make sure you pull it off but that YUR shit aint ridin right nah mean.... but props on this for reals nice....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by James Cortez

nah its nothing against you man the only problem i see the biggest fo ryou four is just the grammar when you are on this board the spelling shit does count cause a mispelled word just like WEOPONS when its supposed to be weapons and your instead of yur ya know... i said slang if you muist but make sure you pull it off but that YUR shit aint ridin right nah mean.... but props on this for reals nice....

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naw i feel you, i don't like reading poorly written pieces either, its a bit of a pain. but i will not and cannot fuck wit one of my boys pieces.. lol they wrote it the way they did for a reason (i hope), and i made a few spellin corrections, but i wouldn't ever take the liberty of straight up editin their verse, its like sacrilege lol. but even though spellin mistakes suck, im sure yall can realise not everyone is a master of the english language, or a grammatical perfectionist, n get past that n into they content rather then focusin' on the strictly technical stuff. props though dawg, i ain't misinterpreting ya comments on this stuff though, i can see where ya coming from n i can understand it, cause im much the same. 1

here is a link to some new shit...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ud-385248.html

....rtf if you can....IconIQ....nice bringin up a 5 yr old piece....thanx anyway...lol....nice.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tactixx

here is a link to some new shit...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ud-385248.html

....rtf if you can....IconIQ....nice bringin up a 5 yr old piece....thanx anyway...lol....nice.....

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haha yeah my bad man, i just went into your profile n hit up one of the 3 links you had.. i didn't realise it was like 4 years old til after i left feed. i'm a dumb drunk lol :alc:

jeeeah, one of the best collabs I've been a part of, uppin this shit...

Real played topic to start off with, I think we have one of these collabs every month or something. Not the worst I've seen, but definitely not the best either.. you weren't consistent throughout the collab, it was clear 1 or 2 were better than the rest and had the ability to keep a rhymescheme going. Where as a couple of the others really forced theirs in and it really subtracted from the flow, forced in so much as to changing the way a line is written, I could see that through how some of the lines were worded.. it didn't come off smooth at all. Even the better ones of you miss-managed your multi's and were off and on.

It really seemed like you all were sacrificing the message for multi's and when having a collab topic like this you really need to find the balance between the two. Because it needs that strong flow but it needs a strong message behind it to really make the flow anything interesting or worth reading. I'd of liked to see a stronger vocab throughout, I just sensed that it was a little bit simple, where you could've got really grimey with a complex vocab and put across the importance of each other's mission. There was no real cohesiveness in the collab either, I never felt like you were riding together or waring against each other for destruction, it just felt like you were riding alone.. but there happened to be another person riding alone beside you. Feel me? Never really got the team feeling out of it.

Last of all you really need to get graphic and grimey with this topic, explicit content style like tell us whats happening in detail, what your gonna do.. when blood is gonna paint the walls and using bone to carve your thrones in the black desolate earth. For me it never really felt you properly got into the topic, you kind hovered above it.. taking little dives in places, but never fully jumped in.

Ok I'm not going to bullshit, I don't remember the whole piece but I did read it.

Just my general thoughts on it.

No matter how many times I see this topic, I always think it's a great idea. There's just something about this topic that just can't help people from being intrigued. It's just one of those topics that are mysterious and very open to your own interpretation depending on how you would see it.

The problem is very few people actually take advantage of that and it's usually the same old approach, which this was, more or less.

It was good, I'll start with that. The flow was pretty solid for all of you. And there was some cohesion between the all of you, and it didn't get too repetitive but you were all a bit vague. Basically what I mean is, had you have not mentioned innumerable times each, which one of the horsemen you were, minus one or two lines, some of them could have been substituted for each other.

My main problem: It was far too long. It's a 4 person collab plus a hook. That's an awful lot of lines and eventually it's going to get repetitive, which sucks for the guy who's closing it. Make it shorter, and give each line a greater importance and purpose.

There needed to be a little more differentiation between them. It was good enough to pass and not seem like they were the exact same, but they weren't all that different from each other. Same basic thing.

As Seyance said, the multi's were forced from some of you. Honestly, I could do without a piece having any multi's and just going straight in with a strong message and clear wording. Multi's are the least important part of text. Better yet, it's the most expensable part. It can be done without, where as good wording is ALWAYS a must. Not to mention, if your GOING to sacrifice wording for multi's which I would never prefer but some do... then at least make sure your multi's are ace. There were more than a few that were just pretty badly done.

There were quite a few lines that were a bit muddled with no clear message and served no real purpose other than to fulfill the rhyme scheme and sound pretty. You've all got the general right idea when it comes the message, but just focus on being more clear, while maintaining that edge of subtlety and vagueness. If that makes sense.

I don't think the grime factor is huge. I mean, sure, it's a portion, but you could also focus on making this a much cleaner version, based on the poetic importance of each figure.

I couldn't really see any commitment to an angle from any of you though. It was just a general description of each. Not the consequence of their importance, what they represent, description of their differences, etc.

It was more or less a "here's what they are and what they can sorta kinda do..."

Commit.

If I had to rank them... which I know your probably wondering, then it would be:

1. Genesis - Liked your verse the most. Well done and some great imagery. The line about bible scriptures was great to me. The rest was pretty solid but some inconsistencies and got a little tired. Really liked how you at least decided to talk the most about your origin. That was a different angle at least, and I'm not talking a line about it "I was conceived of... blah blah bullshit." It was actually well done and some what original. Good job.

2. Iconic IQ - Twas good. Got the right idea for the most part. Reminded us too much that you were famine. And we didn't need it. You did a fairly good job and it was easy to differentiate your character, so you didn't need to remind us.

3. Scribez - missed the point to me. You talked a lot about as if "you were going to come." 4 Horsemen are the result of "right now" so either talk about why the human race deserves this and you specifically, or about your wrath and abilities. You were kinda hit and miss. Also, reminded us too much of your character, I'd rather you give depictions of war then be that blatant about it. Also, watch for the word repetition. You said "weapons" twice within a few syllables.. and from punchline to set-up... bad mix. If it's set-up to punchline then it can pass. But not in two separate lines.

4. Gabriel - didn't say much. Strife is a hard one because it's not well understood but your vocab left a little to be desired and your multi's are fundamentally "ok" but do need some work.

All in all, it was decent.
Definitely read-able, but needed some refining. :)

ok
already alot of feed on this pecie!
I have to say I enjoyed Genesis verse the most, Scribez, u started off real sick then fell off, gabriel, u had a few dope lines and IQ did good as well...

gabriel: this was dope:
Righteous Prophets turnin them to Lifeless Objects
Spreadin the word to every ear that Christ is Gossip
That scientific theory is the only Right and Logic
Leavin the civilians faith minimize to Microscopic

the rest was filler to me, to me!!!

scribez: this was dope:
Living amongst explosions Still can't even Complete the Notion
For some Reason we'll feel the need to keep it goin, with Deep Devotion
This was Great, but could've been worded, way differently to sound much more dope!!! still cool>
I'm The Rage and the Greed I'm a Caged in Beast
I'm a pyschopathic God of War Plus a Great Emcee
Just wait and See, as I'm a Criminal Junkie
Attempted genocide in almost 14 Different Countries
Believe the hype, I'm the most devious and evil type
I got Achievements like jesus chris getting freakin spiked

IQ:
I felt like it was too forced! nothing flowed really well.
Only shit I liked was this:
Famines which scorch, the earth like a lit torch
Torture farmers, armed on their porch with a pitchfork
Atop a sick horse, I beckon Armageddon
You forgettin', you can't fight me with armour n weapons
See, Famine's complex in it's conquest
Ya guts behave like they concave, I flex convex
Ya can't con death,
After that u said:
I take breath from corn fields,
Nothin' torn heals, like the poor eels in porn reels/
I dont get that line, mabye its me, I duno!!!

Last but deff not least: Genesis:
This was ACidic: Loved it:
I've crafted mixtures, of images, depicted in graphic pictures
From satanic figures, who predicted my existence in Catholic scriptures
Every chapter's sicker, each passage worse, in the pastor's verse
That said my after-birth, would impact the surface and crack the earth
At the church, I was labeled the angel of death,
That would lay you to rest, strangle your neck, and inhale your breath///

then u said u'd trade ur halo for lent??? not sure why ud do taht!!!

then u said this:
and tried to increase the murder rate
So I received an early fate, and was barred from the pearly gates
I hurdled straight to the second realm, stumbled out of Heaven and fell
Then was summoned by the Devil himself, from the ninth level of Hell
He said he could help, and gave me an artificial heart and tissue
With a death list, and an enlargened sickle, sharp as ginsu
Slipped through the dark to get you, as I rode on a knight's horse
Resurrected the soul of the Christ corpse, and he sold me his life force
My source of knowledge is perceived as a prophet's gift
So not even God'll live, on the eve of the Hiphopocolypse

which was dope as hell!!!
so ur only mistake was, Shorten ya lines a bit, so they'd flow smoother, and that lint line.
besides that Dope verse!

I found alot of filler in this colab. but at the same time, would sound ACIDIC on audio.
its only in text that you can pick apart the lines, I find ne way!

Madd propz all around!!
Would like to see scribez, gabriel on da site tho!!! genesis???

I give this peice a 8.5 outa 10!!!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fazeT

its only in text that you can pick apart the lines, I find ne way!

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Far from it...

BTW.. To anybody who could:

RTF on the piece I have up, Literal Value..

'preciate some of the indepth feed this joint is getting. although it seems the 'text heads' would have prefered more vocab and poetic metaphors instead of lyrical work with multies, which is cool, everyone has their preference. but speaking for myself, I write everything in audio format, as opposed to 'text' format, so when it comes to the grammatical errors in some of the other's verses I gives a fuck, it's more important to me how it would sound rather than how it looks.

and as far as the length, I think long joints are a pain in the ass to read too, but I acknowledge the fact that a longer piece takes more skill and work to write, rather than a collab with 4 half assed verses and no chorus, so overall this joint is more suited for audio type shit, but it is what it is, props to all for the feedback.

Oooook..
But its lyrics and words...

What do you want us to judge it on?

How it would sound?

Well there's a lot of variables in that..
It's the same problem with people who claim "it's keystyled, I gives a fuck"..

What do you want people to do?
Accommodate for you based on how it would sound/time it took to write?

People critique on what you give them..
Not the circumstances..

Juuuuust saying.. :), no hate or nothing.

^lol nah it's all good. my verse had no grammatical errors, so I was in the clear on that, I was just stating what I look for when I critique a joint. and yeah it's lyrics and words, but writing in audio format and text format are two different things, you can take your fav. rappers best lyrics and type 'em up sloppy, they'll still be dope lyrics. ultimately writing for just 'text' shits will get you nowhere, no matter how grammatically correct it is.

props on the feed all.. ima get to answerin some of the shit tomorrow, its like 5am.. ill be returnin the feed n all. 1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Genesis

^lol nah it's all good. my verse had no grammatical errors, so I was in the clear on that, I was just stating what I look for when I critique a joint. and yeah it's lyrics and words, but writing in audio format and text format are two different things, you can take your fav. rappers best lyrics and type 'em up sloppy, they'll still be dope lyrics. ultimately writing for just 'text' shits will get you nowhere, no matter how grammatically correct it is.

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If your dope enough it doesn't matter if it's in a track or on paper, they'd be dope lyrics. And if anyone writes a text verse different than an audio one, shoot yourself in the face.

aiight, this is some of the most indepth feed i've ever received, so props for that.

seyance - theres always been a lot of back-and-forth about the usage of vocabulary to the extent that you can often come of as sounding like your spouting straight from websters. if you don't naturally use a sophisticated vocab, there isn't much point in forcing it in to make yourself seem smarter. yes, there are often times where rewording can help with imagery or evoke a stronger emotion, but as with anything, its never worth forcing.

as some may have gathered from the chorus (or perhaps not), this was never intended to be a strict topical, rather an amalgamation of lyrical showcase around a central theme.

and i also agree ALL pieces should be written as if they were to be audio. otherwise its uh, kinda pointless i think.

caderyn - yeah, its a beast of a piece, but hey, its an epic tale lol. in so far as we came off vague, i wouldn't neccesarily agree, but i can respect an opinion and can see how subtletly and suggestive power can't always be picked up so easily.

fazet - yur deog/oddtodd from rapcap riigh..? the cornfields bars - famine, obviously, occurs as the widespread destruction of crops and a general lack of sustanance. 'i take breath from corn fields, nothin torn heals' once the crops have been destroyed, they ain't comin back, and growin food becomes an impossibility. famine as of current effect usually lasts a long time, and at the apocolpyse, it'd be forever.

also to anyone who didn't understand the relevance of the cannibalistic references in my final four bars, i believed it a logical end to the widespread famine - nothin left to eat? okay, im gonna put dahmer to shame.

"but at the same time, would sound ACIDIC on audio.
its only in text that you can pick apart the lines, I find ne way!"

absolutely not. the lyrics remain the same, written or vocalised. you can up on your delivery and emotion, but thats a whole other story. if they aren't written well, it won't help to spit them because the message does not change.

also fazet, you know what Lent is, right? its uh.. very very different to lint.. lol. go wiki it or somethin, and gen's reference will make sense to you then.

and to all, regarding flow - its very hard to critique flow of a written piece, because everyone has their own styles. some are ridiculously complex, others simple, and often if you got your own lil twist on a fairly general structure, it can be hard for people who don't use your techniques to pick it up. hell, i always reply with crit on a flow, but always remember that i prolly can't work your flow if its a little different. it really has to be heard audio for a fair analysis.

ALSO!!!! please leave links for RTF so i don't necro threads again!! (*cough* sorry tactixx haha)

but chea, props on the feed all, on some indepth shit. 1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IconIQ

seyance - theres always been a lot of back-and-forth about the usage of vocabulary to the extent that you can often come of as sounding like your spouting straight from websters. if you don't naturally use a sophisticated vocab, there isn't much point in forcing it in to make yourself seem smarter. yes, there are often times where rewording can help with imagery or evoke a stronger emotion, but as with anything, its never worth forcing.

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Yeah I'm definitely not saying force it in, but I was pointing out a more complex vocab at times throughout the collab would've made it abit less predictable and more interesting to listen/read. There's a balance between vocab and flow, just need to find it properly.

Please don't blow off my opinion as "hey if that's what you see"...
There were bars in the piece that said nothing...
I'm fine with suggestive power, but there was no substance to them and little purpose...

Some were good
Some were bad..

Please don't blow my opinion off as a noob's opinion...
I've been around text upwards of 16 months...
I'm on an alias account here... so :)

Have a wonderful day...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Caderyn

Please don't blow off my opinion as "hey if that's what you see"...
There were bars in the piece that said nothing...
I'm fine with suggestive power, but there was no substance to them and little purpose...

Some were good
Some were bad..

Please don't blow my opinion off as a noob's opinion...
I've been around text upwards of 16 months...
I'm on an alias account here... so :)

Have a wonderful day...

---

^relax, you're coming off real condescending, you can't tell a muthafucka how to take your opinion, at the end of the day that's all it is, one person's opinion, but your feed is still appreciated anyway. and as far as you being a 16 month text veteran, lol hop down off your high horse for a second homie, I've peeped your drop and if that was a direct representation of your level of skill I'd say you have some work to do, you're not gonna elevate if you already think you're better than everybody else.

you admit your shit is only suited for text, as opposed to having it in a structured audio format so that you could actually spit it, which is contrary to the basic principles of rap- putting rhyming words to rythm. if you're just writing for text you're going nowhere, fast. work on song format and start elevating your style before you come on here with that 'know it all' attitude, be easy. 1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Genesis

^relax, you're coming off real condescending, you can't tell a muthafucka how to take your opinion, at the end of the day that's all it is, one person's opinion, but your feed is still appreciated anyway. and as far as you being a 16 month text veteran, lol hop down off your high horse for a second homie, I've peeped your drop and if that was a direct representation of your level of skill I'd say you have some work to do, you're not gonna elevate if you already think you're better than everybody else.

you admit your shit is only suited for text, as opposed to having it in a structured audio format so that you could actually spit it, which is contrary to the basic principles of rap- putting rhyming words to rythm. if you're just writing for text you're going nowhere, fast. work on song format and start elevating your style before you come on here with that 'know it all' attitude, be easy. 1

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Lmfao...
Basic principles of rap?

It's fuckin text for chrissakes...
Half of these dudes fuckin stretch the god knows fuck outta there bars jut to get the intended effect...

Text does not follow audio rules, I'm sorry to honey, but it doesn't...
Text allows for more imagery and different uses of content and lyrics because it's just written word..
Text is more like poetry then audio to be completely honest...
It's visual, so it allows for such things as compound wordplay..

i.e. Insane/In Seine [river]

That would never/barely ever be able to work in audio, but it can work nicely in text if done properly...

&

I'm not trying to be a song writer, I do this shit to kill fuckin time when I have a little bit extra.. I'm sorry that I don't act as reverent as you do... lol...

And I only get condescending when it's thrown back at me...
Icon tried to say I didn't understand the subtlety and vagueness in his drop, despite the fact I can break down every single notion of what he said whether intended or not...

The fact that you took inners for direct multi's in my drop is asinine and all feed on this site is follow the leader and say what the kid above you said...

I gives a fuck about elevating...
16 month veteran as in been around the text atmosphere... I fuckin barely ever write if that...

"High horse"

It's the internet, take it for what it is...
I'm not going to sugar coat the shit outta my feed and input a bunch of useless notions of friendship like "buddy, fam, etc." to make you feel special...

Fuck that..
You got my honest opinion..
I've seen much better drops then this and I can point you to them if you'd like to see them..

I know "text"..
I give a fuck about being a good writer..
But I understand its dynamics better than most people who've been writing text for years.. :)

Have a wonderful-fuckin-day.

^haha ok that's cool, now your feed makes sense, it was given from the perspective of a text mc, rather than a real mc. I just hope you "gives a fuck about' you or your feed being taken serious when you admit you just fuck around with text shit and don't take the actual hip hop art form serious.

and having 'stretched lines' and 'punches that would only work in text' and all that bullshit you were trying to justify is considered a bad thing, because unless your planning on publishing a poetry book, in the long run writing joints like that is pointless, and only good for 'internet props' haha but really it's no hate, do what you do, have a dandy old time with the 'text' shit that ultimately leads to nothing, you're really going places kid. lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Caderyn

Lmfao...
And I only get condescending when it's thrown back at me...
Icon tried to say I didn't understand the subtlety and vagueness in his drop, despite the fact I can break down every single notion of what he said whether intended or not...

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so if you can break down every single notion, it wasn't vague was it? anyway yeah you've had your say, s'all good, now lets leave it there.

I'ma feed this later.
But whoever wrote the first verse better start re-writing because it's not Strife.
The four are as follows; War, Death, Famine, and Pestilence.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Steve Najmola

I'ma feed this later.
But whoever wrote the first verse better start re-writing because it's not Strife.
The four are as follows; War, Death, Famine, and Pestilence.

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Actually, it's Strife-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Ho...the_Apocalypse

Forget ANYONE saying this wasn't damn near a masterpiece..

..TOO LONG?? THIS SHIT SHOULDA BEEN LONGER!!!!

i dug this the whole way through..and i was MAD SKEPTICAL just from reading the intro, like saying it may be too long..

the Rhymes are the most important thing NUMBER ONE IN RAP PERIOD...
and these rymes were all on point..no struggling to find the scheme or nothing.. VER NICE ALL OF YOU ...
.. the chourus was the only thing holding this thing back,,, it should have went ONE line from each horsemen, describing what he did and how he does it.. IN MY OPINION OF COURSE...
other than that...

...now, to me, EACH verse, in it's ENTIRETY.. were all fantastic.... but i want to quote the main things that stood out...

Righteous Prophets turnin them to Lifeless Objects
Spreadin the word to every ear that Christ is Gossip
That scientific theory is the only Right and Logic
Leavin the civilians faith minimize to Microscopic


...wow...nice..

Just wait and See, as I'm a Criminal Junkie
Attempted genocide in almost 14 Different Countries
Believe the hype, I'm the most devious and evil type
I got Achievements like jesus chris getting freakin spiked
To the Cross, now tell me bitch! WHOS THE BOSS?
Fuck it, I'm the crowd of people throwing Fruits n Rocks!

...VERY SICK..i love how you just came up with this..i know it all just fell into place as you were writing this last part... sick....

Famines which scorch, the earth like a lit torch
Torture farmers, armed on their porch with a pitchfork
Atop a sick horse, I beckon Armageddon
You forgettin', you can't fight me with armour n weapons

...this intro is fucking amazing.... sick ryme play.....

Traded my halo for lent, and tried to increase the murder rate
So I received an early fate, and was barred from the pearly gates
I hurdled straight to the second realm, stumbled out of Heaven and fell
Then was summoned by the Devil himself, from the ninth level of Hell
He said he could help, and gave me an artificial heart and tissue
With a death list, and an enlargened sickle, sharp as ginsu

...yeah... the 'Second realm- 9th level of hell' rhyme was sick as fuck...


This worked well.. You guys meshed well.. Yes, this is a USED concept, but yall did it.

....Upper Echelon Ichiban....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Genesis

^haha ok that's cool, now your feed makes sense, it was given from the perspective of a text mc, rather than a real mc. I just hope you "gives a fuck about' you or your feed being taken serious when you admit you just fuck around with text shit and don't take the actual hip hop art form serious.

and having 'stretched lines' and 'punches that would only work in text' and all that bullshit you were trying to justify is considered a bad thing, because unless your planning on publishing a poetry book, in the long run writing joints like that is pointless, and only good for 'internet props' haha but really it's no hate, do what you do, have a dandy old time with the 'text' shit that ultimately leads to nothing, you're really going places kid. lol

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Yeah man..
Honestly..
Fucka education..

Who needs that..
Focus on lyricism..
Fuck an ACTUAL career
So what.. everybody wanna be a rapper these days?

Who the fuck needs a university degree..
Nigga, don't just fuck around with this shit..
Take it serious
Take hip hop serious..

If you listen to hip hop..
You should write hip hop and take it serious..
Anything less is a waste of time..
You should be uppin your ZOMFG lyrical ability
You should be tryin to go somewhere with your music..

Who cares if you write just for the fuck of it..
Nigga.. there is only one dream in this world..
Be a rapper..

Anything less is a failure..

It's the American Dream..

Do you feel corny yet?

^haha you're an idiot.

props to Mums for the feed.

yo man i do like this shit had a lil trouble finding flow wit the chorus at 1st but utha than that nice one boys n gurls (if any of u is gurls lol)
heres a few bars i thought were quite hectic -

I Hate this Shit! Fuck Patriots! I Do this for Depression
To Level out the population with many different weapons - sicc plain n simple

Just wait and See, as I'm a Criminal Junkie
Attempted genocide in almost 14 Different Countries
Believe the hype, I'm the most devious and evil type
I got Achievements like jesus chris getting freakin spiked - nice mayn n tha jesus bit made me chuckle.

I'm Hitlers Apocolypse Every Killers Hypothesis
I been killing since the beginning and I'm still Talkin Shit
Nobody is Stoppin it I'll be Murdering Forever
Unless the human civilization can actually get it together - luvin the concept n so tru

Atop a sick horse, I beckon Armageddon
You forgettin', you can't fight me with armour n weapons - very nice, ya get a cheeky feel to it init

Traded my halo for lent, and tried to increase the murder rate
So I received an early fate, and was barred from the pearly gates - set out well while hectic rhyme scheme blah blah blah

all in all a heavy piece geezers propa to ya, would be kool to hear this lemme no if ya got a link.
Peace......

thanks for the feed, mumstheword and s3d. leave me links to RTF and i'll get at 'em.

we ain't got this recorded, not all of us got access to recording shits right now, which is why we stuck on text, not really my element, but yo, what ya gonna do lol. propz 1