Butterfy in a Tornado - Born To Kill & Jonathon

Butterfly in a Tornado...
By: Born To Kill & Jonathon

America’s blight, economy’s tight...
Wallets are empty...nothing seems right.
Except the urge to fight, that fits right in...
And within it breeds division like the wall did in Berlin.
Splitting man and wife, cuz insults blast like sneezes...
S’odd how heated breath sharp as a knife,
........................Doesn’t cut my heart but freeze it.
Leaving me cold inside, trembling on the out...
When storms collide in your own fuckin house.
That’s supposed to be safe, a haven of love...
But instead is replaced with death from above.
Hail that pounds; brings you down to the ground...
Cuz the shape of hate, now wears your wife’s nightgown.
Screams of “Fuck you!” and “Fuck you too!”...
“We wouldn’t be in this if it wasn’t for you!”
“You spend too much!” “No, you fuckin do!”
“You’re so goddamn selfish, I wish we were through!”
In this storm I cannot thrive, though I swear I’ve done my best...
But the strength of this F5, s’like Brock Lesnar’s my guest.
Blowing away emotions, precious memories are scattered...
Downing lines that power devotion, like it never really mattered.
And in the middle of this...in the middle of this shit...
A tiny butterfly repeats a pleading little wish.
“Please stop fighting, I love you Mom and Dad...
I’m in my bedroom hiding from the only family I have.
My little heart hurts; not enough tissue for my tears...
The words you two blurt bring life to my worst fears.
Mommy leaving Daddy, or Daddy leaving Mommy...
I know it’s all my fault...and the guilt weighs so heavy upon me.”
.
.
.
.
No fuel in gas tanks because there's no change in pockets;
Stock markets dropping so fast you can't even watch it.
Medicare is hardly there; removed by our government,
We're still in a cold war, the O-Zone's just tryna cover it.
But the coldness of our lives still chills the oldest -
Expected to carry a burden out but too weak to hold it...
Too weak to speak out - or reach out for what's right,
Blinded by our economy, & bein' rich isn't in sight.
Health is not worth the fight, black eyes bruise me -
Its worse down here but too dark for a news scene.
When I learned to ignore, then things became more -
sickness sticks to this aged body until it's claimed sore.
Throw me up because I'm down - mentally I've risen;
cancerous cells lock down my aging body like a prison.
Hospital bills seal the deal on my future -
I won't be able to pay for this, my kids need a suture.
The doctor claims I won't make it another week -
& only two days later my life monitor rapidly peaks.
And in the middle of this...in the middle of this shit...
A tiny butterfly repeats a pleading little wish.
"Please Daddy make it stop - the line is frightening
They tell me your dying, just take some life from me!
My little heart hurts; this is scaring me Dad
I need God or this doctor to save the only thing I have.
I'm sorry I was bad, wait - why is the beeping stopping?
I know it’s all my fault...and the guilt weighs so heavy upon me."

haha.///freaky styley little story compiled here....it messed with me alittle I was feeling for the "Butterfly"...the kid the parents had////that was dope iamgery and personification....

I woulda liked to see more complex rhymeschemes but whatever still doesn't take from the emotion and creativity of this piece.....

Good job to both guys.

I'd say I liked the second part better than the first....like how the kids in a hospital room with his dad....felt like I was in the room too....dope shit.

Stay up btk & jon....y'all better collab again...or else...lolz.

This was pretty dope, felt like some wording in the first verse (guess that's BTK) was odd in the knife lines. But the rest was pretty damn good. I liked the title which really is the only reason I came in here. (besides who the writers are and Jonathon feeding my collaboration) Some nice flow and rhymescheme delivered by the two of you and I really can say I enjoy reading you two collab and you should do it more often. Nice story and some ill lines. Keep writing and see the two of you in SS... I hope.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ld-379892.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-379805.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-379705.html

I'm really feelin' this piece yo

uppin.

Woah...

Real nice shit you added, J.

I liked alot how you repeated lines from the first stazna.
Gave it a dejavu kinda feeling.
Dope.

Thanks for the collab, man.

Peace

Hey! People... How about some feed?


:angelsmil

EDIT: & bell, wtf was that?

S H I T !



*Nominates*

Ok first of all I thought BTK opened this up perfect...the first few lines were a rhyming a little to rapid for my liking but then he smoothed it out...I thought he did a great job displaying the emotions of his character..the shape of hate and the F5 brock lesner line's I thought were very dope and would relate to that of a childs mind who could intertwine that thought with it's feelings some real deep emotional type shit...so that was very dope..the beginning part really brought that realistic feel to the piece like some sort of life story instead of the basic/creative ott drops you see in OM..so props on that BTK...I know you got kids and prolly fuss and shit with your wife so that could've been why so much of your part seemed so realistic..but IDK what you do @ home I was just saying for instace..so yeah dope shit on your behalf..

Jon I thought you did a great job following BTk with a more realisitic approach to the topic and taking yours another route..the medicare and O zone lines were the ones that stuck out to me..some real deep emotion along with true facts...I felt as though you touched on alot of things b4 you really got into the depth of your drop which was again relateable....to the struggle of a son with a dying father...I thought your wording was a bit more sleek than BTK's as far as rhyming but you both did damn good in that department...neither of you used to many multi's but the flow was fluid..

overall I thought this was a real solid piece both writers brought a hell of alot of emotion and 2 solid storylines that meshed well with each other...and Jon carrying on with BTK butterfly thing was just mad sick...well executed fellas I'm glad I took the time out to read this...definate HOF...

omfg this was great. first off I wanna say this shit is HOF material for sure. if it doesn't make it I'd be fucking surprised... great read you two. I thought those bars that were repeated were fucking dope. I liked how that happened. it let's you see this in two lights... and the metaphor of a butterfly being their little girl was fucking tight too. your styles blended freakishly well. I can't tell who is who, but I'm assuming BTK was first... this was all just fuckin sick you guys... the point hit home for me, and the wording/vocab/story was all just right on par... this is above the average HOF piece as well IMO... it's one of those near legendary ishes to me... great read...


stay up...
BTK we need to collab too, we've never done it and I don't know why.



Jon, you know we're already collabin... so yeah...
peep my piece "Hold Me" if you would too, BTK already did...



peace.

appreciated fellas.

ok...ill say this at the risk of being black balled...but i dont really care because this is a forum...i have always heard all these things about the writing of BTK and I really can't see where the OMFG HOF sh!t is coming from...unless you have perfected writing...your mediocre pieces don't deserve to be busted a nut over(not saying that ALL your writing is mediocre...but im sure this particular piece wasnt your best)...but such is the way of rap battles...people get idolized and when they drink from a cup...that cup becomes golden. I'm sorry but there is no way that anyone should see this piece, especially the so-called "respected" writers on this site, and run around their rooms banging their heads on the wall...i could give you a site where...if you posted this, or most things we see on RB, they would chew your ass off and tell you that you know nothing about writing...they are snobs but still, it can happen...they make it a point to do it to everyone who comes. As a writer...really...you should read your pieces a couple of times and then not like them anymore...never be completely thrilled with a piece because that is where you stop challenging yourself....but whatever....yall will be how and what you are the way you want...it just blows me away the type of responses people get based off of their names.

anyway...to this piece

the opening stanza had a bit of a choppy flow to it and the end rhymes were a bit simplistic and predictable. That being said, the emotion was pretty thorough and fluid, it was just there...there was no denying it. It was also a well carried story line, but i think some of the mechanical elements did not just shine through.

I actually enjoyed jonothons verse a bit more...it had that same emotion and story carrying, but i think the flow was a bit more loose and wasn't AS predictable but it still hinged on that. the repeated lines were a cool addition...let us know that you two were on the same page. I also liked how you both likened the storm of domestic turmoil to a tornado which grabs everything around it...and the little girl as a butterfly...that was cool.

this was an ok collab guys but i actually thought your collab with Heychoo was better than this one...it was more complex...

so i say this at the risk of having every piece i ever write on this site again be trashed on site.....but....i'm just being honest these days...i find that it helps people.

here is my link...trash it if you like...praise it if you like....just be honest about it...thanks:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ga-379813.html

I really don't care what you think, my man...

We're all entitled to the opinions we have.

Thanks for the feed...and...

Peace

lol...ur welcome chief lol

This was on of the dopest writtens i've read in a while.
I don't really have much to say except it was a 10/10.
Everything was used to perfection and definitely should be HoF.

This is short only cuz there's nothing bad to point out to it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by writeamus Prime

ok...ill Say This At The Risk Of Being Black Balled...but I Dont Really Care Because This Is A Forum...i Have Always Heard All These Things About The Writing Of Btk And I Really Can't See Where The Omfg Hof Sh!t Is Coming From...unless You Have Perfected Writing...your Mediocre Pieces Don't Deserve To Be Busted A Nut Over(not Saying That All Your Writing Is Mediocre...but Im Sure This Particular Piece Wasnt Your Best)...but Such Is The Way Of Rap Battles...people Get Idolized And When They Drink From A Cup...that Cup Becomes Golden. I'm Sorry But There Is No Way That Anyone Should See This Piece, Especially The So-called "respected" Writers On This Site, And Run Around Their Rooms Banging Their Heads On The Wall...i Could Give You A Site Where...if You Posted This, Or Most Things We See On Rb, They Would Chew Your Ass Off And Tell You That You Know Nothing About Writing...they Are Snobs But Still, It Can Happen...they Make It A Point To Do It To Everyone Who Comes. As A Writer...really...you Should Read Your Pieces A Couple Of Times And Then Not Like Them Anymore...never Be Completely Thrilled With A Piece Because That Is Where You Stop Challenging Yourself....but Whatever....yall Will Be How And What You Are The Way You Want...it Just Blows Me Away The Type Of Responses People Get Based Off Of Their Names.

Anyway...to This Piece

The Opening Stanza Had A Bit Of A Choppy Flow To It And The End Rhymes Were A Bit Simplistic And Predictable. That Being Said, The Emotion Was Pretty Thorough And Fluid, It Was Just There...there Was No Denying It. It Was Also A Well Carried Story Line, But I Think Some Of The Mechanical Elements Did Not Just Shine Through.

I Actually Enjoyed Jonothons Verse A Bit More...it Had That Same Emotion And Story Carrying, But I Think The Flow Was A Bit More Loose And Wasn't As Predictable But It Still Hinged On That. The Repeated Lines Were A Cool Addition...let Us Know That You Two Were On The Same Page. I Also Liked How You Both Likened The Storm Of Domestic Turmoil To A Tornado Which Grabs Everything Around It...and The Little Girl As A Butterfly...that Was Cool.

This Was An Ok Collab Guys But I Actually Thought Your Collab With Heychoo Was Better Than This One...it Was More Complex...

So I Say This At The Risk Of Having Every Piece I Ever Write On This Site Again Be Trashed On Site.....but....i'm Just Being Honest These Days...i Find That It Helps People.

Here Is My Link...trash It If You Like...praise It If You Like....just Be Honest About It...thanks:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ga-379813.html

---

F.a.g.g.o.t.

Yeah, write...

Your entitled to your own opinion but, maybe its just me but I didn't see anything wrong with Born's verse. Actually, I think its one of the better verse's I've read since I've been back. & btw, about the 'golden cup' shit - you're right, no one should raise anyone above anyone else due to past goals accomplished; but do you see anyone else on this site dropping bombs repeatively like he has? If he wasn't dope, I wouldn't have begged to collab with him over and over and over again. He's a little old; but damn man, I don't see how you could just go out on a limb and say shit like that.

Regardless of what you or anyone else says, he's still by far my favorite writer on this site.

Once this month is over I can prove to you how little you know about good writings.

lol @ dagel with nuts in his mouth calling me a faggot...i stated that i have seen better from born...if i dont know much about good writing then thats on me...but because my opinion doesnt gel with someone else's it doesnt mean that i dont know about writing...my opinion was that i didnt like EVERYTHING about the verse...but i did point out what i did like about it...you people are acting as if i called his verse trash...but hey...yall got cats like dagel around here...so thats enough said...he feels like he is better than everyone yet when it comes to the "respected" heads round here...he gargles nut juice...its people like him i was talking about...look at his arrogance over his mediocre writing ability but let a "known" cat speak to him and he is like a lamb...people like that are a joke...but as far as my opinion...look at what i said about the piece again...i said nothing about it being trash or worthless...so i dont see why peeps are acting as if i did..lol

This was cool. You both created a picture with your verses. broken home, crying child, hospital room, etc. everything was written in the correct way. In some parts of your verses your flow was hard to catch, probably just me, idk... i ended up gettin it so w/e, lol. There were a few punchlines, they were ok.. nothing amazing. I don't feel that punches are really necessary when your speaking on a topic, it's just all about how you write your verse. However, punches can't hurt as long as they're up to par. Shit was kinda sad tho, little girl/boy idk lost both parents... thats pretty fukked up. But'chea, all in all this was a good piece.. keep at it both of you.. eazy.......

Yea this was a nice peice, not the best i've seen from both of you but definately a nice peice. this had a great deal of creativity put into it, the topic was creative as well. pretty fresh in my opinion. the imagery was very nice..i could imagine most of the peice, i felt the emotion. word choice was nice made the peice flow a little better and helped me grasp the idea of the topic better. overall i enjoyed this. nice work guys.

return the feed fellas.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ic-379800.html

Holy snaps this was masterful! I liked the brock lesnar line..and this has a methaphoric capture that negligence can only see with its perceptive and benevolent lense!

great work guys I really dug it...I always love to read pieces from experienced writers but also from the greeness aswell!

10/10

upp

i'm wow'd by this, great concept and how the girl is the butterfly in the "tornado"... i like the message it gives out and how you both didnt force your rhymes to make it work. The emotion was felt and im sure many people can somehow relate to this. You both showed different stories with the same message and collabed very well... i like how you guys used the dialogue and gave a descriptive image... the beeping part stood out to me and so did the fight between parents. I can understand why it's being nominated, but personally i thought it was great... which to me is a step below hall of fame statis.

peace.

Thanks, E!

uppity duppity.

upp

one last time for me, unless Born wants to up this again

I'm guessin Born to kill was the 1st to drop...

It's good to know there are deep minds on this site.

No diss to the second drop. I read it, but the 1st was enough.

Keep it movin.

^ & your retarded.

I got an idea for a collabo called "My Last Bullet" heard of it. Anyone want to collab let me know.