Breaking Concrete.

Breaking Concrete

http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/2667/bcyq5.jpg

I love today, I'll live tomorrow
just to see, if I can walk away
if you are there, see my sorrow
but only if I am still afraid.

There she stands, the new you
asking all about my misery
we hold hands; thinking of you
trying to create history.

It's been days, since our nights
too long of a tug on my pain
but it's alright, she's my heroine
and a addiction that won't stain.

I apologized, what more do you need?
Leaving was another of 'our choices'
sorry to have ruined your dreams, but
now, I can't hear any other voices.

I also apologize for being too safe
never attended to kill your addiction
I only wanted a LIVING soul mate
who hates any type of pain affliction.

Though I love her; there you are
under my skin, where you sleep
appearing now like an eternal scar
tearing my mind; breaking concrete.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ye-364190.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-364264.html

Really liked this piece, very good imagery, got a kind of soul to it.
It is good how you were able to put a clear image of your story into readers minds almost instantly, very well thought out.
In my eyes it felt like a sad piece but with a slight glow to it, and that is quite difficult to do with poetry.
A genuine hearty verse, very good.
9/10

Keep it up. ;)

Could you read my piece titled "Is this my answer?"

already fed your piece. You have potential, just keep writing and doing your homework. Thanks for the feed.

Rise to the fallen, I fed two more pieces today!

Word so it had beautiful emotion, very strong vocabulary and you placed each word carefully and poetically, the story was nice and easy to follow, and the pic went with what you were portraying nicely

I liked the drop, probably your best, worth a nom more than likley.

Thanks esse.

Bell, i'll admit you have improved alot since I last read you. Great job! This piece was clean cut, and run smoothly in most areas. The heroine metaphor is pretty used but fit well with this peice, good choice to show addiction. I call it a metaphor, even though it seems more like a similie, but it lacked like/as. But who cares? But anyway, this is just a short, simple, summation of the piece. I enjoyed it, and again, I think this was as clean cut as a freshly shaven beard, and that you have improved alot.

-Poetria.

Thanks again man..

*grabs two more links so this doesn't get closed*

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-362750.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-362913.html

wow this is a cool piece, nice rhyme scheme but what caught me in was the exceptional wording you used. right there that made this piece dope. emotion was nice as well, but shit son the wording just blew me away. yea this HoF material.

Thanks man.

Rise, this nominated masterpiece craves feedback.. don't let it rest in the dark people! LEAVE LINKS.

You've gotten a lot better, poetry-wise. I liked this. Awesome imager yand emotion was veyr realistic and heart-felt. I think you went out on a limb and it really pulled otgether for you. Glad to see that from you man. Keep dropping, this is definitely good man. Great job on this piece, keep working on your shit, you got it here in this peotry shit bro. Perace.

Hit up my piece, "Statues and Bananas"

will rtf soon. thanks.

bit more of an experiment, which is good as it isn't something I usually see you do. I liked the piece, I wasn't overly fond of they rhymescheme but I can't knock it as it read fluid enough. The main thing I liked about this was that it was practically one big lump of imagery. good work.

Thanks.. will get two more links once I up this once more after more feed drifts in.

I liked this piece, it had alot of good imagery that shows through consistintly through the entire piece. It flowed really good with the rhyme scheme, wich is plus, poems dont have to rhyme but it's always more fun when it's done right so good job with that. All in all i liked this piece, it was pretty good