"By and by I fly"

http://i270.photobucket.com/albums/j...en1/motion.jpg

By and by I fly, a simple wire guy.

I hold the tools of influence, a question mark
at hand, with grace and force to say
"no" to the butcher of comic sans.
The butcher of new born thoughts,
choice cuts of envy to take home and
soak in the blood of youth, stick pins
in and give back to the free world.

By and by I fly, yes I, a simple wire guy.

So the skull of crystallised ideals
enjoys my bounds from the front row;

"I was once as you are"...

Interesting.
I crave the smell of a higher ground; you all
look lost lacking breadcrumbs - watching
a deserted stage.
A lonely man, prance about his days.
No words to give his grace
but those that his strength of heart would say:

"And you will be as I am"

Dear sir, what a fine statement made...


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-359499.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...en-359579.html

you should of wrote this in the R.I area to the pic in the same thread.

(you dont have to post this as a seperate piece..unless you want to ..just posting in that thread will be fine) just so you know...

but if youd like to get feed on it then it is cool so.....lol


Very good piece...I really enjoyed the take ont he topic. It was executed really well and some added lenght could of only benefited this piece. The words where full of added meaning and depth. the short little lines here n there also added a sense of wonder..sorry for the short feed, but its a short piece...

I hold the tools of influence, a question mark
at hand, with grace and force to say
"no" to the butcher of comic sans.

^^those 3 lines..started this piece off great...n it kept rolling

a short piece but held some power none the less...

Not even waiting for you to post links. This shit was wonderful. The concept of it was very well done. You really took the story of it and made a remarkible use of elements. The imagery was just beautiful man, you wasted very little time on just doing descriptions.. you actually seemed to think of them and then write the in ways that most can not dream of doing with a very wise choice of wordplay. The emotion was settled in a special way, and this is one of those pieces that get you thinking "wow, never saw such a original ending coming" very original, very creative, very nominated.

I know the deal haha, i decided it would be better reposted as a seperate thread though as i'd like some feedback on my attempt at writing once more. I've been out of the routine for a while now so yeah, thanks for the response guys! One more link to come.

you and I will get WV back up in this shit.

Yeah...this is one of the best pieces I have read on RB...since I've been on it.
Rating: 10/10

imo...this piece was perfect I loved the concept of it..."Simple wire guy".....
it gave me the vision of how we as people can be daydreamers....
and its like we try to shut that part of ourselves off...
so I love the lines where its like "I am as you once were".

dope man lots of imagery and metaphor in it....
its sublime but direct at the same time...

I liked that

thanks for such an interesting read.

short but it had all the nuts & bolts to a fine poem.

Quote:

---

I crave the smell of a higher ground; you all
look lost lacking breadcrumbs - watching
a deserted stage

---

Excellent.
Handy language used, fit well with the piece. Creative at least. This piece is probally so simple to figure out for you, and probally others. But it opens up so many ideas for me, I have come up with 5 different possible summaries about what the poem is about, when it is probally something simple. Awesome piece, I throughly enjoyed. bye

Man you had great control over the flow in this piece, the shit was tamed, not everywhere and choopy and shit. Your picture was deffinently click'n with the title and you described the both well. Dam meta's were so deep you almost lost me in the first stanza, good drop man.

Thanks for the feed, bumping this once to see if I can scavenge some more.

I feel like writing something new soon, there's an idea on my mind.

Liam, Liam, Liam...tut tut tut, dude im playing, fucking awesome piece man, i enjoyed a hell of alot. Very creative, the emotion the wording the imagery all work very very well. Loved what you did with the topic. Solid solid drop man, well done. Nominated. Sorry for the shitty feed im rushing to get out.

It's cool - don't nominate it though lmao it's from Feb and it already got nom'd.

Thanks though.

Okay, this piece was interesting. I thought the repetative line "By and by I fly, a simple wire guy." was actually quite haunting for me. In the sense that
it seemed sarcastic yet in a strange way sinister. Especially along side the picture, it made me feel un easy in the sense we are all afraid to be "alone" and the character clearly is alone in thought and generally feels alone in his ideals, or lack of ideals should i say?... the first line was probably my favorite line in the whole piece... It was just the perfect set up for the rest of the piece to me. The fact that the character questions things automatically brings to my mind that he/she is independant and that is the brings the picture to life for me. I also like the narative, when you're talking to the dude that follows rules and has no thought of his own, then the word interesting was nice as it showed self reflection, and that also sums up the message of the piece for me. Self reflection int erms of knowing yourself and what YOU like and how YOU think, rather than what is socially accepted to be the truth or rightous. So although a very small part as it was one word... that actually changed my view of the piece it kind of made it more personal to the reader, And also makes the reader think aswel. The second verse was the best verse in terms of message delivery in my opinion. Which i think was the right time to dig deeper as the first verse was there as a set up for the rest of the piece. In terms of the techinical side...
Emotion:
Okay, it was quite a morbid feel, yet at the same time almost sarcastic and had a dark humour to it which for me made it eery.

and i'm bored now, so there lol

LMAO at not even adding to what I already saw at yours, you lazy fat cunt.

And wow at posting when you've got the ULTIMATE babe right behind you. Either you're gay, emo, have black hair and white skin, or you're a fool. Pick one, it doesn't matter.

Remember: It was me O.o

Thanks for the feed man.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Celz

LMAO at not even adding to what I already saw at yours, you lazy fat cunt.

And wow at posting when you've got the ULTIMATE babe right behind you. Either you're gay, emo, have black hair and white skin, or you're a fool. Pick one, it doesn't matter.

Remember: It was me O.o

Thanks for the feed man.

---

She's in the shower lol

This was real good.
You had me right into it.
You had alot of good things..You made the title go to the peice so well..You had good vocab and when it was done I wanted to read more....lol...

But good job man Ill be looking for more of your stuff.

10/10