Hold Your Halos

http://www.infogirl.org/img/sept05/t...lit%20path.jpg

Hold your Halos: The true path

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
Timothy 6:10


Mr. Luosdas:
"Hello, I have some interesting news for you. Please come in and have a seat, close the door behind you. Your going to be a rich man, just like me."




I lived a holier life than the rest, so tell me why with hours I invest...
I'm doomed to trek the same path as crooks, mobsters, and special interests
If I'm truly blessed, than why does scripture appear so peculiar and odd
Why can a man kill on free will yet still allowed to break bread with MY god?
Do we worship the same man? Forgiveness I understand but this is bogus
A faithful man wouldn't think of himself first, yet everybody already knows this
And is opposed, shit... politicians flood the net, promoting what this dud led
A president that will only serve his country.... oil after trading for bloodshed!
Yet men like these get praised? Like people haven't heard a word hes spoke
How can you spill the blood of the innocent and retain a popular vote?!
& with this chip you tote, when is the end of it all? People begin to bid
As this culture of greed and self-indulgence gets passed down to our kids!
Culture so stained with sin, when pain is grim, scripture remains mind boggling
The stairway to heaven is gone forever, cuz Damian's finished remodeling
& through this I still search for reason... through days which turn to seasons
Seeking the corresponding path that will lead on route to meet my Jesus

Until.......

A friend in need is a pest, but let me look through his eyes for a sec...

The CEO Friend...:
thousands left unemployed, bankruptcy a blunder? I wonder where are we
I'm off the map, the company's under... and I'm really feelin Ferrari's
To new heights I can reach, as ME is now the ONLY thing which I seek
and I ain't going to hell, unless hell is a mansion on a tropical beach
And still for words i seek, yet i continue to stumble through slurring speech
I can get all that I need, but still possess an emptiness down deep...
But, Of money I reek!
& I'll leave so many jobless, cuz in this culture, u do whatever happiness cost
So it's not a surprising I tossed faith for lies when me and temptation crossed
What have I lost? I'm on top, so consider me sleazy with this advice I'm given
Once you make greed and envy your friends this world is a lot easier to live in


Client: "So you mean, sell ALL of my shares?"

With these words said, I turned instead an opposed view of these maladies
Why not put myself ahead of others when God is dead in our new reality?
Why be mad at me? And if god wanted me to stop, it gets strangely odd
Cuz I haven't felt his presence in a while... & my conscience won't do the job
So this withered path I step, it just won't last to trek, this is okay tho
Cuz now I've joined the millions of others with horns..... to hold up my halo


One year later...

Mr. Luosdas was suspected of insider trading, and after a relentless investigation of his previously spotless record, it had been determined that this year his clients had began to receive numerous tips from Luosdas prior to many big company's either taking huge hits on the market, or folding entirely. After taken to trial, Luosdas plead not guilty and denied all charges. He was then found guilty by a jury of his peers and sentenced to 6-8 years jail time, and a fine of over 1,000,000. (More than double his profits.)

My message is this, in life be honest and take only what you've earned
Cuz the passage is shit if you stray from the path and take a wrong turn.

Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=326371
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-336354.html

Good Shit!

imagery is there, the emotion was spewing, the rhyming is there, the struc is nice, the overall piece is dope, i like the story line and i like how u plotted it out with a message, like a few of my pieces....i just dont tell what the message is...good shit though A.

Let me say first, the message of this piece is great. your vocab. was a bit simple, but that didnt affect that you had some nice ideas and delivered it in a good way. the best part about this is that it was an entertaining read. i thought that you grabbed my attention and had me wanting to finish it. work on your complexity a bit and you'll be just fine...


still got ants in the pants? lmao.

Thanks guys.

Uppin for more feed.

Don't sleep on me hommies.

This was good,
I had a clear picture in my mind.
Your vocab was a bit simple.
The metaphors were dope period.
You could use improvement but dope.

Thanks dog, bumpin for more feed.

Final bump.

Told you that you would make a nice outbreak man for writing man... when you showed me this verse i was pleased so of course others would be aswell nice pic add by the way it was nice asset.

Quote:

---

I lived a holier life than the rest, so tell me why with hours I invest...
I'm doomed to trek the same path as crooks, mobsters, and special interests
If I'm truly blessed, than why does scripture appear so peculiar and odd
Why can a man kill on free will yet still allowed to break bread with MY god?
Do we worship the same man? Forgiveness I understand but this is bogus
A faithful man wouldn't think of himself first, yet everybody already knows this
And is opposed, shit... politicians flood the net, promoting what this dud led
A president that will only serve his country.... oil after trading for bloodshed!
Yet men like these get praised? Like people haven't heard a word hes spoke
How can you spill the blood of the innocent and retain a popular vote?!
& with this chip you tote, when is the end of it all? People begin to bid
As this culture of greed and self-indulgence gets passed down to our kids!
Culture so stained with sin, when pain is grim, scripture remains mind boggling
The stairway to heaven is gone forever, cuz Damian's finished remodeling
& through this I still search for reason... through days which turn to seasons
Seeking the corresponding path that will lead on route to meet my Jesus

---

Wording was a bit choppy and vocab use was simple but the flow was excellent and the content was great man you pulled it together to take away sucha poetic feel and add a new RAP FLOW TOPICAL POETIC VIBE man... which wasa nice execution from you bruh nice shit man.

Quote:

---

Until.......

A friend in need is a pest, but let me look through his eyes for a sec...

The CEO Friend...:
thousands left unemployed, bankruptcy a blunder? I wonder where are we
I'm off the map, the company's under... and I'm really feelin Ferrari's
To new heights I can reach, as ME is now the ONLY thing which I seek
and I ain't going to hell, unless hell is a mansion on a tropical beach
And still for words i seek, yet i continue to stumble through slurring speech
I can get all that I need, but still possess an emptiness down deep...
But, Of money I reek!
& I'll leave so many jobless, cuz in this culture, u do whatever happiness cost
So it's not a surprising I tossed faith for lies when me and temptation crossed
What have I lost? I'm on top, so consider me sleazy with this advice I'm given
Once you make greed and envy your friends this world is a lot easier to live in


Client: "So you mean, sell ALL of my shares?"

With these words said, I turned instead an opposed view of these maladies
Why not put myself ahead of others when God is dead in our new reality?
Why be mad at me? And if god wanted me to stop, it gets strangely odd
Cuz I haven't felt his presence in a while... & my conscience won't do the job
So this withered path I step, it just won't last to trek, this is okay tho
Cuz now I've joined the millions of others with horns..... to hold up my halo

---

some words should have been spelled correctly...dont ever substitute a word for a slang...kills it and makes it look trashy...so change that but this was a nice way to end it...i loved your story line through out man props on this big ups dude..and keep writing...

Thanks for the feedback, and the inspiration man.

This was by far a different peice from our collab. You wnt from a dope, clown sotry. To a serius story. I never saw such a intake on a topic like this. It was very, different. I liked it though. The wordplay was strong and thought out, mature and well placed. The Imagenation was there, very creative. The image i saw was differentfrom the picture, which is good. Means you are showing us rather then telling us. The Emotion was deep, impactive. The Flow was great. But a predictable outcome, work a bit on that or tad it up better. Nice read though, keep it up.

this was a real nice piece..i liked the imagery
wich was dope in every way..and the emotion
was what really set this thing off..it came out real nice
and the structure was on point with this one too..nice drop
stay up and keep writin

hommie that was tha tight as hell man.i respect u 4 that

good peice. excellent imagery consistantly throughout. good flow, good rhymes. topic was very interesting and it showed a lot of creativity within the peice. overall a very well written peice. good job overall. keep writing

I like the political edge to it. My favorite part is the last line. Such hot imagery to have horns holding up your halo. Probably the sickest thing about this piece.

I agree with other feedbacks, rhyme was simple, but creative, and there's some intelligence behind the prose, so that's always a better start than most.

Keep it up,
Peace,
Watt$

good stuff my friend. alotta strong imagery in here. the content progresses in a logical string of events by is tied down by a simplified message. overall it is insightful. not much bad can be said about this piece. i like most narratives, and whats better than one thats in a class of its own. good job.

hit my piece up in return please. thanks.

peACE

Very nice story line my friend....Had good imagery man...I could actually picture these two people meeting and discussing the conversation........I like the way you ended it aswell

this was a pretty dope piece...


Keep it up!!!

Nice drop.

Alot of emotion in this piece as well as alot of recent events , talking about the oil and war, sinners being able to be by god etc.. they flow was good as well very easy to read i didnt break stride once. Imagery well what can i say it was alos great I felt it from every line, I would dare to say you are speaking like the voice of experince in this matter for how you put it down was perfect, very witty as well you used alot of your material.

I like the story line as well, multiple conversation with more then one plot, I liked the political outlook as well, very creative. Wording was a little here and there I did see some slang and cursing but hey thats justr shows you do your own thing rather to sticking to the guidelines, that I respect more then anything. Your Opener with timothy 6:10 was very good and it gave me that heart to heart feeling as soon as I strated to read it. The moral at the end was the icing on the cake really not only did your verse capture my attention it also made me think of the life I live to this day, I take alot of things for granted and sadly to say im all about the money and any oppertunity I get to make it I do it w/o thinking of the entire picture and the possibility of the consequences.

good piece fam!

9/10