Floating Rivers

Floating Rivers


Dance with these caged fallacies
Howling from the night
In desperation for attention
The moon settles its feelings
To shine for glory through my pain
Laying deep in my emotions
With the beauty of your eyes
Cry me your soul,
As I haunt your nightmares away
Decay your past features,
Center piece your heart with smiles
Figure eight you’re tainted passion
….as I begin ravishing your bone marrows to sleep

"-Kind ol folk pierce my heart with stitches
To patch the wounds left from battle"

Creation not known to man
Nor will it ever bare its knowledge
But the beauty of this notion
Crashes down on me to wither
This pain into the sands
Let me know your thoughts
As I will reveal my lust
For you and your tears from above
Linger around with fascination
But yet another one bites the dust
Hum me carnage of whispers
Beneath it all with essence
…. The particles of happiness wrap around as my syringe.
Catapult the dreams to me
Through your secret window of vain
Brush of the rusty pines
And wipe your feet at the entrance
For cleaning day is every once a month

"Kiss the lullabies with a "lolla lolla good-bye" Till we meet again my dear
And lonely sky"

Manicure my boned mind
And incline my past with present.
Hide away the left over
From tears to ashes; turn black the past
See you day after day
Collage images of your daily routine.
As your glare shines off my body
Drip down your pain for me.
But please let me handle this carnage
Bless the time I have spent,
Living with you right by my side.
Pass me your winks,
As I blink in a reaction for you to note.
Quote my every saying
For a new brand of quotes to use.
They play with my body everyday
Laying down for there personal purpose,
I forgive them when then leave.
Silky clean my body shines
For another adventure is partaken
As new kids on the block
…Come into town
As I stay afloat all pain
I am your floating river.

Bump UGLIES!

i thought this was good. nothing to really get a solid image off of but a real emotional piece nontheless. you had some little grammatical errors but that's a given with most pieces as well. you've come along way, and watching you get into IE and raise yourself against the odds has been an experience I never thought I'd see this early. One of my favorite pieces from you here, everything was real fitting and just slid perfectly into place. a few small slipups, but that's nothing. you also fused a couple old sayings or lyrics from other pieces into this piece i noticed, which i liked. like the "but yet another one bites the dust" ..good time and way to use these things. Liked this, keep writing.

thanks man appreciate it and i take it that your an old head....welcome back bruh

Meth the way you write is just so captivating! I was completly into this poem from start to finish. The content of this was great.. The imagery was really nice. You displayed a vivid imagery and never lacked in your story one bit.

Quote:

---

Dance with these caged fallacies
Howling from the night
In desperation for attention
The moon settles its feelings
To shine for glory through my pain

---

Loved it

thanks foreshadow hope you do well in the tourny read the mag on up...



thanks again

bump.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Method.

Floating Rivers


Dance with these caged fallacies
Howling from the night
In desperation for attention
The moon settles its feelings
To shine for glory through my pain
Laying deep in my emotions
With the beauty of your eyes
Cry me your soul,
As I haunt your nightmares away
Decay your past features,
Center piece your heart with smiles
Figure eight you’re tainted passion
….as I begin ravishing your bone marrows to sleep

"-Kind ol folk pierce my heart with stitches
To patch the wounds left from battle"

Creation not known to man
Nor will it ever bare its knowledge
But the beauty of this notion
Crashes down on me to wither
This pain into the sands
Let me know your thoughts
As I will reveal my lust
For you and your tears from above
Linger around with fascination
But yet another one bites the dust
Hum me carnage of whispers
Beneath it all with essence
…. The particles of happiness wrap around as my syringe.
Catapult the dreams to me
Through your secret window of vain
Brush of the rusty pines
And wipe your feet at the entrance
For cleaning day is every once a month

"Kiss the lullabies with a "lolla lolla good-bye" Till we meet again my dear
And lonely sky"

Manicure my boned mind
And incline my past with present.
Hide away the left over
From tears to ashes; turn black the past
See you day after day
Collage images of your daily routine.
As your glare shines off my body
Drip down your pain for me.
But please let me handle this carnage
Bless the time I have spent,
Living with you right by my side.
Pass me your winks,
As I blink in a reaction for you to note.
Quote my every saying
For a new brand of quotes to use.
They play with my body everyday
Laying down for there personal purpose,
I forgive them when then leave.
Silky clean my body shines
For another adventure is partaken
As new kids on the block
…Come into town
As I stay afloat all pain
I am your floating river.

---

I thought your poem was strong. Although I couldnt envision everything, it didnt matter becuase you use such strong words.

"See you day after day
Collage images of your daily routine.
As your glare shines off my body
Drip down your pain for me.
But please let me handle this carnage
Bless the time I have spent,
Living with you right by my side.
Pass me your winks,
As I blink in a reaction for you to note.
Quote my every saying
For a new brand of quotes to use."

That was my favorite verse I could relate to that one the most.
Your really good keep up!

thanks kay appreciate the feed. much love ma

first thing imo that i noticed was that it seemed u went for a creative emotional feel with this... however imagery was lacking, BUT it is not a must to have a good poem imo... you were brief at points and some were more detailed then other's assuming that's the angle u wrote then it's fine... i can't say it wasn't anything i didn't like about this... it had a honest feel to it.. n that i can appreciate in a writers ethic.. so word nice one hommie

thanks ^^

the philly man actually likes one of my poems

i must be doing somehting right!

lol

wow, I was surprised by this.. very pleasantly I might add. I don't remember the last time I read something from you, or if I ever have, but this was definately worth the read. at a few point I felt myself costing through, but overall I enjoyed myself while reading this. I loved how I would hit these gems: Center piece your heart with smiles
. these subtle lines that really just hit me. shows a strong sense of wording and understanding of being concise to be able to impress someone with a line of that length. overall I liked this a lot.. I'm concidering nom'ing it.

thanks atti appreciate the feed..

You start your poem off with a metaphor, fallacies to dogs or maybe wolves, I'm undecided. I say this because of the howling, the moon references and the fact that they are caged. You never really say it's an animal, but I think that's one of the strengths of the first stanza. You're not being too straightforward, you let the images speak for themselves. I'm still unsure as to why you used an animal when talking about fallacy, I don't see how it strengthens what you're saying, but it does give your poem some nice imagery, which I guess some readers need to get into it. Actually, I think I do understand it a little bit, these fallacies have gone wild, uncontrollable. So in context of what's going on, I'd say rumors were spread or something was done so that the narrator and addressee aren't seeing eye to eye, and there was nothing the narrator could do about it.

From there you go into this weird set of lines that are kind of morbid and romantic in vocab, but some really don't make sense to me, like 'Figure eight you're tainted passion'. What does it mean to figure eight something? I love the line about ravishing bone marrows, but that's the only really strong line you have in that set.

The part starting with 'Creation not known to man' took a few read throughs before I could get anything from it. What I think you're saying is that the beauty of creation (which, I'm reading as birth), even though you don't understand it as a man, is erasing your pain. I don't know if creation was a child birth reference, but I read it like that because I don't know how the notion of creation (from a religious stand point, maybe) would be comforting? I'd think that the certainty of an afterlife would be more soothing during painful times. But I know that having children makes you forget your own troubles. I'm probably reading too much into this, but I think you should be aware of how the words you use can create meaning like this.

I'm not sure what to think about the next part, lust gave me the impression your addressing a woman, but when you mention tears form above I think of God and then I'm confused. From that point on, for the rest of the poem, I'm not sure what your are trying to say. You use loaded words, but I'm not sure what they are supposed to mean in relation to each other.

What I got from this poem is that it's about a relationship. It begins with someone trying to sooth the other person over some misunderstandings, it turns into sexual interaction, where the narrator talks about the beauty of creation which, I guess would be sex rather than the actual child, and the last part, even though I don't get most of it seems to be about a prospective future that is happier than the past. I could be misreading this completely, but I think your a little too cryptic with what you're trying to say.

This piece reminded me of some of my older pieces... in the sense of the wording... I was actually pleasantly suprised... I don't think i've read much of your work, but hey i must say you're definately a talented writer... and one to watch out for in the future... There were alot of vivid lines in this piece that stood out to me... there was also some lines that kind of threw me off a little... but overall this was a very well writen piece... The line that i must say struck me the hardest was... "-Kind ol folk pierce my heart with stitches
To patch the wounds left from battle" Simply because it was elegant and well placed in order to lead onto the next stanza... I think you have a pretty good understanding of word placement and capturing your reader.

Hey i saw you tried out for Po... I'll definately be considering you man.

Peace.

thanks appreciate the feed...

This was ann overall dope piece, the topic was pretty uniqu and original and I like how you took that creative approaah towards it, aalthough I felt as th story went on you kind've strayed away from the topic, as if you wer just rambeling, buut it was some good rambeling though lol, it kpt me interested, I guess you were going for that smooth laid bak yet very emotional type piece, becausyour imagery just wasn't really thatoutstandingor up to par with the rest of your piece, your voccabulary was pretty damn good through out thiis picce you stayed faithful to the title for atleast the majoruiy of this piece and considering your excesive meta's this was a pretty ccomplex piece, I always enjoy your piece because it's almost a gaurentee pleasure everytime.

Plese leave Quality feed on thhis link fam

Yup the metas were very good right here.Really suprises me in a way.I remember you used to just meh at everything now you are blowing us all away.You still have a long way to go but you are rapidly walking up the right path.Imagery and emotion was just so strong here and in a way grasped more than your other pieces.You seem to like to write the emotional pieces and you do a very good job in displaying your feelings.Wll done on this

thanks man.