Eye For An Eye ft. Grimreapa

Eye For An Eye
Mariah
Grim

But you know, the drug and I share the name, Krystal
My thoughts lead me to death, I won't shoot the pistol
Leaving in an instant, I am here, but not yet focussed
Doors opening for sin, leaving my life bare and hopeless
Now lost in the moment, confused, but living my dream
I can't make sense of it, but I do drugs...I'm hitting 19
The truth is I love them, yet the atmosphere burdening
With lungs weak and veins parched, myself hurting me
The music blares, my nostrils flare, my mind everywhere
I am not obligated to do them, but closely getting there
Taken back quick, my eyes light up like the matchstick
Imagining the times with them, the drug life; fantastic
So I keep it up, my brain torn and tossed from reality
They say I'll crash and burn...WRONG! I'll burn calories
Blinded by wrong, worthless when nothing's around you
My dad's drunk and I'm fucked; no person to call out to

my life bottle after bottle, drink after drink
impaired, unable to think,alcoholic to the brink
my daughter does drugs,but really i dont mind
shit,she lives her life,and i live mines
if she wants to destroy herself,i'll let her
really if i stay out of it,it seems a bit better
well liquor makes me happy,and ends all the bicker
add a bit more crown royal to get drunk quicker
she says i have problems,and that i have to solve'em
slides me a paper that says AA,and said i should call'em
well i beg to differ,im an occasional drinker
it calms me down,settles me,and makes me a thinker
now i can ponder about shit that really matters
not my daughter,but where im gonna find a new latter
well before anything,i need to buy some more beer
cuz i need to relax and make my mind a bit mote clear

Please now, let me refrain and restart this life again
I don't need it, but then I depend on it like a friend
I love the life I could have, I imagined once or twice
No more a life of wrong, now just a new love for life
I am getting out of here, I'm leaving this shit behind
Stop and rewind...no more of blind leading the blind
So I leave, a man followed me like our shadow stalks
I turned to look, he wanted to walk and have a talk

"Now listen here girl, you may be tired of hearing it
But I am a friend, sent to help you from experience
So I need to let you know, this isn't the way to go
People love you still, if you don't mind me saying so
So I regret the life I've lived, so I am here to help
There's nothing to fear, except maybe death itself"

In the moment I was capivated, taken back to places
That I'd been before I made this, transfer into hatred
So now my life is aiming in a new direction completely
With a new beginning and nothing now can beat me

waking up in a hospital,unsure what took place
i remember driving,but the truth may be to hard to embrace
a car crash,1 dead a female,young,name unreleased
it occured on main street,heading due east
one man injured he was driving drunk,was flown to the infirmary
the female,she died on impact,that what there determining
just then a doctor walked in the door with horrible news
why did i crash,this pain isnt what i would have choosed
the news he gave was that i killed my own blood,my daughter
was i really even capiable of this slaughter
she had said i had a problem but i didnt listen
now shes gone,and shes what im missin
the doctor leaves,my greive is overwhelming me
hope that god forgives me,then i drop to my knees
pick up the nearest scalpel and cut into my flesh
if i killed my own daughter then i deserve this death.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323621
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323637

pretty dope shit people....Mariah, I really like your multi's you used in this piece.....very dope.....also I like how the imagery progressed to make me actually picture the scenes, and want to read more.....

grim, pretty dope son......some things could have been worded, or written better......but it flowed nicely

both verse flowed well with each other.......good topic people


keep it up...


Pz.

uppin stop sleeping in this.

i like this shit. mariah verse was the best out of the 2 of u. grim u need some more work while mariah gots all the skillz to write legendary shit.

i like thiis line from her

I love the life I could have, I imagined once or twice
No more a life of wrong, now just a new love for life

shit was deep mariah

Mariah you continue to improve. Well done. Your voice in this collab was very clear and never seemed out of place, it remained steady and told the story in a very matter-of-fact sort of way. You've definitely been getting better every few pieces or so you manage to do a better job of internal rhyme and meter, keeping unneccesary words out of your pieces and keeping syllable counts on track... Very nice.

Grim, you were a bit overshadowed I suppose, also your part in the story, though it seemed like the character should have more emotion, actually came out feeling somewhat flat and tough to really connect to. I think you need to work on keeping one thought and staying with it and developing it so that people will get a clear picture of what you want to say... a Beginning-Middle-End helps in that regard. Also some touch-ups on your word choices and the length of some lines made it drawn out at points and really hurt the rhythm. Not bad, but you still have work to do.

overall, well done, nice to see an OM out of Mariah for a change and Grim you can learn how to master some of the basics from her at this juncture, keep writing and improving.... Later.

This was a good collab. I think both did good, liked the topic etc... goodjob.

Great work here guys.

Maria: I can easily see since I last passed through the forums, you've come a long way. You approached this piece differently then Grim, which was great, because it showed two different shades to the story. Your verse wasn't extroadinary in vocabulary nor multies, but it was a great effort, that should be congratulated. With that said, I noticed that you probably let yourself fall into this piece, as the ideas just seemed automatic, and every word flowed fluently, smoothly, and consistently. Excellent job, and congratulations on your improvement.

:)

Grim: What can I say, your verse was nice also. You too have improved, but your sounding a bit like Eminem :P Lol. But seriously, your verse was intellectual, and at the same time, had sensational flow. At times it drew me closer, and at other times, it made me bored. Never the less, from this piece, I know you have great ideas, and unique concepts inside your imagination, and in the future, I'll be looking forward to reading these thoughts.

"my life bottle after bottle, drink after drink
impaired, unable to think,alcoholic to the brink"

I dont know what this bar did for me, but it worked magic, lmfao.

Peace.

lol thanks good feed. [sarcasm]tebo=best feed ever[/sarcasm] keep it up...uppin,

this was a nice collab both blended in well mariah you came with nice expectations girl really you are improving no doubt and your wording is getting better aswell in my eyes and your part was well rounded and full of good emotion that suited the scene or situation.. grim though man ive seen honestly better pieces from you bruh.. seriously your part was good dont get me wrong but for a guy i think with your talent you could have came well more enthusiastic man...too me it felt like you werent feeling it as much as mariah did ..or something man both did well all in all with your content and decency with vocab and wording...grim try getting more intact with your thoughts to create a betteer view of emotino

holla back

link in the sig on the right RTF both of you pls.

ok so i feel bad for not feeding this... cause all i really did was throw some text over a picture and add 2 borders...

The truth is I love them, yet the atmosphere burdening
With lungs weak and veins parched, myself hurting me

i thought that line was dope in the first stanza^

The music blares, my nostrils flare, my mind everywhere

i thought that last word just ruined that line... way to simple.

i thoght the use of fantastic also threw it off a few lines later

So I keep it up, my brain torn and tossed from reality
They say I'll crash and burn...WRONG! I'll burn calories

dope^

hmmm i thought grims stanza there held it down with the flow, but the vocab was very simplistic, although mariah had multies in hers i just thought grim had more natural flow. but defiantly needs some work on complexity.

no really outstanding quotables in your next stanza mariah... nice and simple to the point to draw up the girls story... good work.

hmmm unexpected turn here... and i thought this stanza had more complexity and a little less flow which is nice... i thought this stanza and mariahs first where the best of the collab...

i keep seeing people say mariah did a way better job... and maraiah no offense but they are saying this because you are a girl... don't let it get to your head too much... you just barely outwrote grim on this one.. and maybe even pretty even...

both of you keep it up

Twix.

This was ok, mariah you had the most common problem among newer writers which is your wording, I explained most of it to you on AIM...re-read your first stanze to
"I can't make sense of it, but I do drugs...I'm hitting 19"
and see if you can tell why that^ line doesn't fit. you did a much better job on yoru wording in your second stanza.
I felt some of Grim's rhyming was forced, but overall you did a solid job with your part, nothing amazing but nothing below average, both of you were pretty mediocre...Grim you started your last stanza very nicely for the 1st 4 lines, but then you started going back and forth between 1st and 3rd person and it got a bit confusing
Overall an ok job, keep writing

Mariah's verse was o.k. and Grims was hot to me.
That's really how alot of people's lives are but you don wanna influence that type of shit but I know it's just rap

Mariah your too young to do drugs ( Im not going all into detail we do that in the lounge ) but yeah good drop all together .
I was feelin it .

I give it 2 consecutive thumbs up
100

for a damn quick type up this is actually doing pretty good. good feeds and good comments i think me and mariah keyede this up quick wrote it all in like 15 mins. but thanks for the looks.

uppin once more for some good feed....

Let me just say first of all, loved the story. Omg. Very good.

Mariah, loved it. You really caught the emotion and drew the reader in. Very nice. You made it feel so hopeful. I like that you made a personal connection with the girl and the drug with them having the same name.

Grim, wasn't really feelin your style. It just didn't seem to fit the part. I didn't feel like you were speaking as a father. And honestly, I don't believe any father does not care at all for his little girl. Even a drunk one. Otherwise, why would he have killed himself at the end? If he didn't care about her and what she was doing with herself and her life, than it wouldn't have mattered to him and he would've gone on living his drunken life.

^ because of self-realization. Really liked this piece, I read it awhile back but I've only just found time give feed. I really like how two completely different styles blended so well. For fifteen minutes, this was pretty well written, a couple miniscule word misplacements, but nothing drastic. Grim I've read quite a bit of your work and it's dope how you change your style constantly, but always progress. Whatever style you choose it's always the right one for the topic, no wonder you've made it so fat in SS. Mariah, you shine a lot on collaborations, like I told you in the other one I responded to. Since you're so young, I'm actually kinda of scared to see how far you can come with it. Anyway, props and keep doing your thing

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bev

Let me just say first of all, loved the story. Omg. Very good.

Mariah, loved it. You really caught the emotion and drew the reader in. Very nice. You made it feel so hopeful. I like that you made a personal connection with the girl and the drug with them having the same name.

Grim, wasn't really feelin your style. It just didn't seem to fit the part. I didn't feel like you were speaking as a father. And honestly, I don't believe any father does not care at all for his little girl. Even a drunk one. Otherwise, why would he have killed himself at the end? If he didn't care about her and what she was doing with herself and her life, than it wouldn't have mattered to him and he would've gone on living his drunken life.

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lmfao...that was the point of the storyline me not caring the realising wtf happend...dumb ass... :boobies: