Innocence?

The mind is a strange thing, patterned with feelings
Layered with rage, as thoughts splatter the ceiling
Battered and bleeding, from years of negligence
My intelligence is going through a renaissance
Now provide your analysis, show me your thoughts
Throw me to god, let him repair me……I’m flawed

For I once was a thinker, at one with my mind
I moved on with society, while that tumbled behind
Mentally blind, my wit withers and dies
amongst flittering eyes, women and clothes
Cars, athletes, football, swimmers, and boats
Winters are cold, but my heart keeps thumping
Three tickets were sold, the guitar keeps strumming
I’m off my seat jumping, amalgamated faces in a blur
Car races in the ‘burbs, we’re wasters smoking herbs

Is this my life? Puberty has passed, lost in the past
No riposte and no laugh , I feel sad and lost on this path
The spot on the map, of my minds eye, leads to anguish
My life is a plane and I need it landed
Can’t you see I’m vanquished?

Heart beats in the distance, heart beat in my chest
Do I live for myself, or live for the rest?
The death of society, is our need to mature, we’re torn
For none is more innocent, than one recently born

Insolent, belligerent, ignorant, but vigilant
Choked in paranoia, my soul’s a refrigerant
Childhood is bliss, innocence at it’s pinnacle
But now I feel, old, worn, and hypocritical
I remember my friends, the beach, the toys
As I chill to an old record from the beastie boys
My influence, the path I chose to lead, they revealed
As my heart broke away, tore, and gradually pealed

I decided to write this, while I can
Life, our existence, this whole world, is a scam
We’re hurtfully bland, cursed on this land
Children are peaceful, so live in bliss when you can
Because there is no such thing as ‘The Innocent Man’

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post5429065
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...73#post5429073

wow.. wit, this is that next level that you haven't been able to reach in previous om's. to me before, all of your pieces were nice to read, but there was no true depth for me beyond the surface value. there was a bit of awkward wording, and some forced rhymes, but still.. the content was just powerful to me. also, I'm not a fan of breaking every line with cama like you did, I've always felt that it breaks down fluency in the piece but with this I was so focused on the contectual aspect and how much I was enjoying what you were saying that it wasn't a big deal. great piece, I want more of this.

Very good, real...

First off, I'm crazy about multis and it seemed you place them in good spots...and you didn't force them...That's what I need to work on...

Anways...This was very very REAL...I like the frist section that kinda set the stage, your lines were placed very well in the parts they seemed to fit most in...Your story/concept was consistent and you actualy KNOW HOW TO USE VOCAB...Half these kids just put them in to sound good, but you actually did them justice...

Very real, very well written and beautiful used vocabulary...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322451

thanks to both. upping

Hey.

Hey.

Yay.

This was a pretty good piece my man. Your pieces are like all the same yet they show improvement, I mean I could just read an anonymous piece and tell it was yours because of the kind of flow and language you use in here. Pretty tight-knit flow man, the fluency and the swiftness of this read was mint - and very dope. I liked this one - the language was fresh outta the box, and the read was just perfect on my eyes. The metaphors in the adjective strewn part were so dooope, and I liked that about the piece. Overall, the multies and the feeling of this piece were probably the hilights and I advise you to keep it up, or you'll have to deal with me. :mad:

- Leave feed on StuporHero

Wow



im worried that when you get married i won't be able to read this kinda ish. I love your flow it was so smoothy an almost made me orgasim. Very fluent and easy to read and to get into. Metaphors were fresh and good as always goofy would like dis read , multies wer also nice all throughout the piece and my god its just crazy to see how far you came and ish props and cheers


go disneyland!

word sonz, up

up.

This was such a nicely put togther piece, your opener alone had me intrested and wanting to read more, Your flow was beautiful on every line along with your vocab that fit in perfect, every word just went nice with the next and had me reading all through and not getting bored. This has to be one of your best and deffintly is worth a spot in the HOF, dope piece, hit mine please lol. peace.

this wwas prertty good

Upping.

Ver nicely done--as i have read part or much or it before it was good to revisit the piece. To me this was more controlled..you kept the emotion in but also kept the technicalities in your mind and created a dope piece...i liked how it was worded and the flow. Though, what makes a piece Dope for me is how many clever lines it has, how many good concepts put in..how the imagery has been seamed within the lines..and yeah to me..this piece fills up most of the correct criteria. WEll...let me think...other than 1 or 2 points this was a very good piece. So yeah..Stay up^ and keep on the positive....on another note: BELL IF YOU SEE THIS SHORTEN YOUR SIG.

I'm gonna be a little harsh because
you're in my crew and you'll learn more.

parts of you're flow are really really strong,
and while multi's are present through out there
are a few instances where i feel they came off a
little bit forced. (the hypocritical line) - the
content was very personal and it showed you
write best when reflecting on yourself. i read this
in your battle in SS, and while you got praise for
the refrigerant line, it came off a little cheesy for
such a personal verse. just my 2 cents. overall, this
is one of your best, it showed, keep it up.

Pretty nice drop. It was well worded and flow was smooth. Image was clear. However, i have to agree with Kev about the refrigerant line... it was a bit of a reach. Other than that... well done.


Oh... and eff yo couch... lol

I am really, really impressed. by far the best you've ever written. That flow was just damn well done, like, reminds me of me... the way I do. Wow. Fucking huge jump in your talent in one piece. Immediately shows off why I've always liked your work. This is your current crowning achievement to me, man, there was so much TRUTH in the piece... I have to go read it again, man, this just really caught me off guard since I was just looking into it as a favor, LoL...

Anyways, bravo, I see it was already nominated so I don't get to for HoF, I've never nominated one fucking piece and I finally feel like honestly doing it and I can't... Been beat to it.

Oh well, nice work man, I hope you can continue to drop this dope, this better not be some anomaly you came up with while on shrooms or some shit.

Thanks, upping

Hey man, this piece kept it real. I liked the overall idea presented in this piece. The flow and multi's were incredible. The only thing that I think could be worked on is the number of syllables in each line, but it still flowed well anyways. I give you props man.