My Memories

This is a story, about a few boys and girls ..
.. each grew up a sad life inside a sadder world

Zach
Born in a broken family, dad was a lord with felonies
Mother was a whore that was always selling weed
School was hard on him, kids loved scaring him
"Look at Zack, you would never see him with them"
At nine, cocain came into his life, its how he'd survive
A young age wasted on the addictions we deprive
Later on through life, his heart skipped a beat ..
That beat was never found; so Zach I have 3 words ..
.. rest in peace

Travis
Travis was a friend of mine, it was his birthday; his 21st
Going from a couple of drinks to something much worse
Him and Kenny were drunk that night; haveing some fun
When Kenny decided to whip out his most favorite gun
Like I said, it was Travis' birthday; his fucking 21st
Kenny just sat there thinking you to *Fake* shoot first
"Hey Kenny don't aim that shit at me dude, its not safe*
*Come one Traivis man, fucking learn to be brave*
And sure enough, Travis was shot in the head
And I will never see his smile, rest in peace my friend.

Danica
A woman of natural problems, pregnent at 12
The father was a drunk janitor; the devil of her hell
Her mother couldnt afford any type of adopion
And being Christians, abortion wasnt an option
Her mother made her leave the house, one bag of clothes
At 13 she joined all of the other women known as hoes
She spent 10 years, living that horrible life style
Death was the final chapter of her sad denile.

Krista
My ex love, a woman I cared very much about
A few moments started in hugs and ending in a shout
But we were pretty fucking perfect, until she left me
For a fat kid thats four hundred pounds named Jeffery
She's gone now, I'll remember her forever and always
No, shes not dead just in nother place; a bit daised
I'll find another woman, oh wait I already have
Though Krista is stuck with her sister and drunk dad.

These were true stories about real life people
Who's lives were corupted and later on feeble.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...40#post5425540
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...50#post5425550

Let the feed drop now...

Or just be faggots and sleep on this :bored:

yo i was feelin the whole shit every word of it
rhymes were simple but this wasnt about the rhymes it was just from the heart thats killer and i wish more artists did that stay up
peace

Thanks, by the way these were true stories.

it is so obvious that you have improved alot since the last time i read from you you came with a look at the life of kids that aren't perfect a loo at the story they don't tell you and thats dope

if you can check this out
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323096

Done.

upps

good shit, straight structure how u told about everyone, stay up 8/10

thnx, upps.

ups.

a sad coincidence
the flow was cool and topical was very relevant
and the dieing of each person was a good ending of each stanza
a scary concept but very real
im sure alot of emotion was put into this
stay up

I Think This Is Probably One Of The Most Indepth Pieces I Have Rear From You...i Think Your Emotion And Capability Of Expressing To The Reader Exactly How To Feal For The Subjects Is Right On Point, However That Being Said I Think The Complexity Of This Ryhme Could Have Been Upped Using Some More Imagery And Also Acquirig A Bit Depper English...overall Good Write

Thnks.

Upping.

I swear to god. Rise!

This was good, no doubt, but it needed more difference, a few I caught from Runaway Love, but in any case, This was a good song, but still seemed a bit copied. 7.5/10

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324095

Are you stupid? I made this up, these were people I lvoed in my life dude. RUNAWAY LOVE? Fuck that, These are true stories that I was a charetor of their life story. RUNAWAY LOVe, shiiit.

TRUE STORIES I LIVED THROUGH.

Don't say crap dude, I know man, I know, I'm just saying, from what I noticed.

...

Pretty good piece, one of your better reads no doubt. Structuring and other presentation issues were in majority all in check, so that's aight. The main concept behind this was good, done before, but writing on truth is always a good way and is what writing should be primarily used for other than escapism. Overall, i found that though, tat time the language wasn't wow...everything was adequate and in totality, provided a good and full read. Nice work, stay up^.

Thanks. you too.

props on this one neatly done
carryed out well an eplained 5 peps perspective
dont see this much on here
keep it homie..........

thanks.

Upps.

Its all too simple and basic, you need to add more intelect and poetic devices, imigrey was weak left nothing to the imagination or to think about, which is what peotry is all about, you told a story but thats all I felt it was. Try being more artistic with it, cause after all poetry is art, story telling isn't as much, keep up hommie.


peace

You dont know anything about Topical do you?

The flow to the piece was nice and smooth, and you had me hanging onto every word. The vocab was decent, but not perfect. It really doesnt matter though, cuz Im not really the type to base a piece on vocab. The emotion was very strong, no lie. It sucks to live a fucked up life, I know... My mother was a crack-head, and a bad one, too... I mean, I dont know if she was a whore, but she might've been. My mother threw me to foster care, when she claimed her addiction. I guess, she knew from the heart she couldnt raise me properly... My father split when he busted the nut, so... This piece really struck me the most... Im sorry I couldnt get to it soonier, but it was way back on page like 3. Im diggin through all the old stuff now, cuz im caught up with the new shit. Im sure you know how it is.... The overall- fucking dopeness, man.

Thanks.