The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

By: Nash

Honest Abe, a complete equal to the enslaved
spent his great days saving the strays
he cared as a brave would though,
the guy only saw ONE horrible show
had his life blown away, just so a storm would grow

though soon, and much after i fear..
rain trickled for years, blacks got attacked and beaten
then the penny was made so they'd relax and believe in ..
this world that they'd bleed in ..what's a struggle, right?
keep it tight, living life.. in torn houses.. fearing whites?!?
without fights for speech, there'd be no talking with pimps
but isn't it OUR fault that the gangsters walk with a limp?
rainwater still sprints and dribbles, there's no riddle
we raped their travels, making an underground grow brittle
today it's a harsh storm, CURRENT poverty causes far more
it's now you all see ..what bus and railroad are for

"find a penny, pick it up ..all day long you'll have good luck"

but when you find it, you find you're stuck in this crude muck
it sucks, and it's worthless ..now is our replacement clear?
couldn't take it out on blacks, so they defaced the penny here
based on shear experience, I’d say the penny is physically dead
I’d rather hold a buck in hand ..than this silly luck in my head

"found a penny on tails today ..so i flipped it for the next finder"

and it left me with not a damn, proving an in-depth reminder
below old and wrecked sidewalks, thousands of Abraham’s die
but above the ground in jars, thousands of them save lives
it crossed their minds, under the surface they began to weep
Abraham still suffers, with nothing Lincoln them to the street
in conclusion, this copper metallic object is stricken to decease
but as long as they save children and brave the poverty

..Abe still breaths

wow, i really liked this. the point was very distinct and it seemed you had alot of effective lines in describing the emotion. a kinda played topic, but yours had some originality. it was well worth the read.

return feed...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319382

^you left that feed 1 minute after i posted the shit, i'm not hitting a link to someones shit that didn't even read mine. seriously, anybody can say "good emotion, imagrey, story was played, have a nice day" ..jesus christ ..

Link #1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...39#post5350739

Link #2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post5350757

dont forget to leave feed.

feed my brain ..

will feed on pieces soon and i will feed on any links that are left in here.

Okay topic. the flow was good but simple. also i felt that it needed some better vocabulary. but i felt the message u were say. fav lines:

this world that they'd bleed in ..what's a struggle, right?
keep it tight, living life.. in torn houses.. fearing whites?!?
without fights for speech, there'd be no talking with pimps
but isn't it OUR fault that the gangsters walk with a limp

'the structure was good. easy to read.also the ryhme skeme was on the average side, but i seen better from u. showed sum fair imagry , and good emotion
keep droping science...peep the sig

uhh thanks..

wtf, you faggots ..feed on this, leave me links.

i liked this piece,loved tha wordplay and vocab...tight rhyme scheme the story was layed out very nicely....very tight piece..lookin forward to reading more of your pieces..keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

Nice,

The Storyline was incredile. The Wordplay was great and the flow was smooth. I liked the deep emotion you put here, liked it alot. The Imagenation was clearly here or else the peice wouldnt be as good as it is. The Creativty was nice as well. Keep writing Aaron, you'll get HoF sooner or later.

~Jon.

"find a penny, pick it up ..all day long you'll have good luck"

but when you find it, you find you're stuck in this crude muck

...Right.

good verse but this wuz a dope idea. crude muck doesnt sound that cool. but its right.

cool verse tho Nash

i'll elaborate on that^


i dont like sayin anythin about the lyrical content besides props or lack there of (content) because you could of really took what you wrote 2 heart and it'd be a diss, so i dont do that normally, unless i want to.


k...

when i read that bar Nash, the find a penny line was a great setup intosomething...
then it goes... but when u find it, you find your stuck... is good 2... and i know that you gotta limit wordyness alot here but still i felt like the end... crude muck didnt flow that well, tho rhymed nice... and syllabul count is there... but it coulda been a 3 line elaboration... but ur verse wuznt like that which was cool how a bold line stuck out on its on verse type tip, but blended into the whole writ. good job is what im gettin at, but this work still didnt have that allure to me. u kno i dont like ur shit ne ways :P

lol 1 more thing... haha i dont like edits cuz i spell words wrong that i try 2 spell right so if i fuckup on something i can fix... it'll look worse... neways


the find a penny setup i was talkin about.... could be a setup for a punch... cuz u expcted to pick it up and get lucky... u kno.

but this isn't a text battle ..it's a topical ..don't read them in punch form, read it as poetry and rhythmatic shit rather than bullshit ..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by B.I.G. Nash

but this isn't a text battle ..it's a topical ..don't read them in punch form, read it as poetry and rhythmatic shit rather than bullshit ..

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i understand the difference man, i write better topicals then u... and battle verses but i lose... so that means im wrong but whatever i still do. and im just writing to you. right. not haten on ur verse but takin about sumthing u wrote...


and really, fuck poetry... cuz i kno poetry is alot different then what you do.
not always cuz you force rhymes that syllabally and rhymicly align like the penny line when you used crude muck... it still worked nice like i said but it doesnt flow correct. theres a correct flow, i dont care who says different there is. but ur verse was good. it takes alot to read topicals for me cuz alot drag the fuck on, but ive been known u nash an ill always lookout 4 a flaw or 2 if i can find 1. b ez.

rofl @ i write better topicals than you ..wtf, get outt'a here.

people talkin shit...hahaha

i think it would be a good battle between yall