"Under My Chequered Skirt" - D.H.Brixton.

"..Under My Chequered Skirt".
Simon Says?



Simon Says..
You're such a good pupil in neutral ways, and don't stray
Away from any old traits - in these new school days.
Other kids wonder why.. when you reboot, they fade.
Their stereotypical last kick, just shoots to grey.
& they lose their way.. he says I'm a different teen
I mean what I say when I view in fray- I seem to breed
Batches of high class grades. Other minds are deemed deceased
In the books that crease when they grit their teeth!
But don't dare weep, as their chance did beckon..
& they should've took his hand in one to one lessons.

Simon Says..
I should see him more often for the tests that come
& that'd be for the best if I didn't tell my Mum.
"Coz it'd be a surprise, just imagine her eyes".. sounded fun
A beating's getting quieter, playing on this clouded drum.
So with it all summed up, we're like best friends with love
A cheeky hug moved slowly to a caress on the bum.
& at first it had me stumped, in a redundant thump
He said my nervous flowing hair hid my tracheas lump.
Which soothed my nerves, but to finally get what I deserve
Simon said he had to see what was under my chequered skirt.

Simon Says..
I was his favourite, his worth, his creamiest desert
But if we didn't finish it now, then his family would get hurt.
So the dessert was deserted, by a middle aged curse
& what's worse, there was no consent from this 12 year old girl.
Abused mute world, I had no escape with words
So DNA & evidence was left to dish the dirt on this perv.
Felt like soliciting curbs, I was made to feel undeserved.
NOW a tainted girl... I made sure the courts heard every word
So this vile animal of a man won't go chasing skirt.
Coz Simon says.. nothing now.. coz jail is worse.

Simon Really Said..
Nothing worth mentioning, its all a haze..
But a middle aged man shouldn't threaten my grades.
He offered after school lessons.. what I need them for?
Except to plant my pants in his bottom desk drawer.
Watch you gasp in aw, like it has never happened.
Lost his job, lost his wife.. it all follows a pattern.
"You'll flunk if you don't shape up", but I rattled his jaw
Coz now Simon Says.. everything in an appeal court.

- D.H.Brixton.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...0&page=2&pp=15
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319330

Ha.

Really nice, great use of imagery, and a creative topic, it almost reminds me of this perv teacher in my school district, probally gonna go into the OMHF. So i don't really know what to say but it was definately dope. And i really liked your wording it made the flow fit together.Dope.

*Leave some feed on my linked Om in the sig.

wow, very good. saddens me that a great childhood rhyme became home to a killer. the scary part about this is that it's true, and it really happens to people. i don't like the topic to be honest, not because it's not a good topic but because it urks me to think about shit like this actually happening, so technically it's not really your fault i didn't like the piece. it was written perfectly, and really well for what it was, vocabulary was intact, and the imagrey was almost too intense for me. really good piece, but it still sends shivers up my spine man ..


hit me up, i'm back in action lately.. you been missin out

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319422

^The Story of Abraham

^ lol, you musn't have read it properly. No killer in here man.

This was last week's SS verse right? I remember I voted for it. Was a cool piece man, I loved seeing something that was deeply ruited in factual events. I like that style too, but, I was waiting to see something the other direction. The flow was cool, really casual and accessable. Nothing to complain about here man. I may be adding it to me HOF noms once I decide to sit down and actually pick some. Liked the piece a lot man, I'd break it down more but I did already once in SS.

Hit me prequal to This is George... it's called, "This was George."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by D.H.Brixton

^ lol, you musn't have read it properly. No killer in here man.

---

typo, lol. child manifester :mad:


feed on mine hoe.

Risque. This drew the reader in and caused me to feel that eerie, uncomfortableness that would ascribe to the situation. That was the most stand-out here. It flowed nicely without any unwanted abrupt lines or breaks. I liked the word play I don't think many picked up on with the "cheeky" hug to a caress on the "bum" Ha. Not to draw it out but it might actually be better with another stanza added. The simon says deal is kinda played but if it was for a league then I can dig it. With the topic "checkered skirt" I figured there would have been more metaphors expanded on it, but this story take was appropriate for it.

As usual, good and to the point, Brix. It was well crafted and well told. I guess I'm on the one guy's side who said he was a little erked about the whole thing cuz I kind of enjoy ignoring the bad things in the world, but you tend to point them out in your verses... reading you is always like a reality check.

You're such a buzz kill, brix. =D

Anyways, a very cool verse, the flow picked up after the first stanza which was a little choppy, but then it was spot on. Good work. Keep pimpin'. Get back to SS. NOW!

lol, I am in SS I think :-S Couldn't avoid the no-show though!
This was an old school verse that I wrote. Its like a slick rick flow.
Thats what I base most of my raps on. Its fun, and works a treat.
Its the kinda flow nah' digs.

Good shit here, a nice traditional flow you got going on here, very strong in many points but im pretty positive and sure this isn't one of your best altho its good i've read more interesting drops from you nevertheless im still impressed....well who wouldn't be? everything in the cats. you can name was in the drop from emo to img. structure and flow and everything nice take on the topic by the way i was gonna do the same topic last week but i chose never ending story....more personal approach but anyway props as always

Thanks X. Rememeber to leave links.

I write about this kind of stuff all the time, and I liked this. This was kind of heartfelt in a weird, saddened kind of way. I liked the creativity because I didn't know where you were going. I don't understand how everyone thinks you aren't back to normal because this is up to par with your other pieces. In fact, I think this is my favorite. I really like this Simon Says spin off. It makes you think about stuff that happens everyday similar to this. Your imagery is on point as usual. I was feeling this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by D.H.Brixton

Thanks X. Rememeber to leave links.

---

I did leave a link you liar :(

I felt it. it wuz a dope piece through out, and ur flow was clean. The imagery and overall attempt at it was exceptional. some lines i liked..........
"(Other kids wonder why.. when you reboot, they fade.
Their stereotypical last kick, just shoots to grey.
& they lose their way.. he says I'm a different teen
I mean what I say when I view in fray- I seem to breed
Batches of high class grades. Other minds are deemed deceased)"-Some of the iller lines fa sho. also...............
"(So the dessert was deserted, by a middle aged curse
& what's worse, there was no consent from this 12 year old girl.
Abused mute world, I had no escape with words
So DNA & evidence was left to dish the dirt on this perv.
Felt like soliciting curbs, I was made to feel undeserved.
NOW a tainted girl... I made sure the courts heard every word)"-nice ending, everybody sees where you going wid it and what ur saying. Nice drop and keep spittin. -1- 5/10

Well, to be quite honest, I didn't find this piece to be as disturbing as everone else did, though it is a reality check. The opener was excellently done and drew me into the piece immediately. Internals kept the piece consistant and smooth. Your vocab intrigued me really, it wasn't over the top and it wasn't under the bar, yet you utilized many words that people never say.
There weren't many meta's but I still feel as if the piece was okay without it. I really don't have any quarrel's with any part of the piece but I'd have to agree it would have seemed better with maybe another verse in there. There's not any part I think I want to quote as my favorite, it seemingly just all flows along as a whole, but, like I said, you had a good opener and the ending was nice too. Overall, a pretty good piece. Keep up.

And when you get a chance, RTF on "Battles of the Sexes" in my Sig. Thanks.

I agree with Mazerka it wasnt disturbing at all...more played out than anything since everyone open mic likes to talk about girls being abused by their dads or the life of this girl that girl its all played out... girls being abused at home/school its all the same and ends the same. I thought this was merely decently put together because at least it weaves together in the end. I couldn't tell if this was poetry or rap, im guessing its poetry because a lot of it didnt rhyme such as... Paragraph 2 lines 5 and 6 Love/Bum doesnt really rhyme also same paragraph 9 and 10 deserve/skirt doesnt really rhyme lets skip paragraph 3 and go to paragraph 4 ...lines 5 and 6 of paragraph 4...Happened/pattern they dont rhyme at all, and also the last two lines Jaw/Court dont even sound alike.
If this is "indeed" poetry, this lacks so much deep thinking which is usually associated with poetry; deep and thoughtful ideas, philosophical ideas, rhythmical composition,
exciting pleasure - by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts. This i can assure was none of the above but it did have its right to be on the open mic page and to be criticized by others with the basic idea you did.
Overall No hate, I thought this piece somewhat good and it stood out more than most pieces on open mic but it wasnt very remarkable...Merely O.K. Drop 5.5/10
Elevate and keep dropping D.H.Brixton from M24 and a total of 2577 posts.

...And could you please RTF on 'Battle of the Sexes' in my sig ? It will be much appreciated.

Nice,

As always, you have impressed me D. The Wording was great, flow was straight and smooth. The Emotion was very deep. Twizted story line lol, the Creatuivty was here appearently or else there would be no peice. The Structre was nice and basic and the Imagenation was wild here. Keep it up Mr.Moderator sir :).

~Belligerant.

PS: When we gonna colaberate?

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319448

... you hooker :love:

Ooops I will.. top.

True Down To A Capital T.. Things like That Transpire everyday.. The Truth Is Always Real.. Nobody Can Knock That.. Great Work.. I Liked It Alot.. However No Respect For the Charracter In The Tale..Lowest Form Of A Person..

Dope piece. Love the topic, especially the twist of the topic towards the end. Imagery had me awed when i seen her chequered skirt. Flow was on point, and the vocabulary was nice. Dope. One.