Love.

http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/8131/lllllllow0.gif

Love.

Wilted petals of a lilly bud.
Dispursed on a canvas of mind.
Subtle tears inept in blood.
Disguised animosity.........
..to which my hearts confined.

Tessellation of fears weilded into my heart.
Surplus emotions unsistainable to impart.
Questioning my darling, i stare into the abyss.
For my dreams tell a story..................
....................To hurtful to reminisce.

'When you wish upon a star...
Makes no difference who you are...
Anything you heart desires...
Will come true'

My heart dances on a silver lining.
I define love with the formation of stars.
Bliss glances, I'm forever unwinding.
For i dance alone no more............
.............on this magic of ours.

'What i gotta do...
To make you love me...
What i gotta do...
To make you care'

Heart ripped out and placed on a knife edge.
I weild the gun close to my temple.
To the woman i love and that i pledge.

For my darkest days are all to near.
I bid farewell my love..........
.......and i mean it most sincere.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317377
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316803

Looking for feed.

I liked this actually. It was kind of a fusion between poetry and topical but it was cool. The short line structure was different but cool. I liked your approach to the topic because even though it's been done a lot, you pulled in lyrics and a different angle. Your vocabulary in this was intense, maybe a little too much for some people, but I liked it. The picture fit well with the rest of it too and you had a lot of imagery. Overall it was pretty good, but I think you could have put a little more into it and it would have been even more amazing. RTF on the link in my sig please

this was pretty good, i think it was kinda more of poetry, but im not complainin, i really liked it. i see ur one of the more respected topical headz, and i know why now. the picture fit the imagery, it was nice. one thing i thoght was awesome, was ow unplayed u made this peice. topic is played to death yet u still made it dope.
good job.

Thanks. Feed Please.

dope yet short peace unlike others i red recently his caputerd and holded my attention from opener to closer,the rhyme scheme demanded my attention flow was steady and you came pretty consistant,the vocab in this peace was diffrent from your everyday words, good job at steping out of the box, although your topic as an little cliche'ish I didn't catch that frm the first time I viewed it, but you played it out in an diffrently,this is deffinently Hof worthy, rtf on my peace.

Thanks. More Feed.

Very nice piece my friend... it was well written indeed, though im going to have to disagree with others and say that it is not quite HoF worthy because of the plain and played topic, but it is most definately a step in the right direction... the changing rhyme scheme definately kept this piece fresh every verse and kept my attention throughout... also the imagry and wordplay was absolutely outstanding in this piece.. by far your greatest attribute to this piece and it carried a forceful impact on the piece.. also your flow was another one of your good elements to this, you managed to keep it on point with the short yet meaningful lines throughout.. the only problem with this piece in my mind is the lack of complex rhymes and the plain topic.. other than that this piece was phenominal, keep it up.

Thanks man.

More Feed.

Rizzle.

Sry took me soo long to leave some feed on this...

Anyways, Short piece made for a nice quick read, it some more poetry thoe, flow was iite.... Wordplay n imagery..... dont get me started...Simply DOOOOPPEEPEPEPEPEPEPEE :)

I unno pieces like this arnt normaly my style but i was feelin it :)

I like how this was very poetic with a little bit of a topical thrown into the mix.. I looked at the picture for awhile to see how you came up with what you did.. I like your take on the picture it was original..

Thanks. Rizzle.

Ooooooooooo, damn... pleasantly suprised with this one. I don't think I've read anything from you yet, but this piece was great. Extremely poetic, yet, aware enough of topical fundamentals to establish itself as Om rather than misplaced poetry. The concept of love, of course is very done, and as I've learned with that topic- however simple it seems, it's very easy to fuck up. You, did not. Nothing incredibly jaw dropping when it came to creativity in approach, but the emotive and poetic techniques you chose to use were executed almost perfectly. I'm debating putting this in HOF, it's bordline though due to the brevity of it... we'll see.

If you could,
Hollywood ft. Darfur

Wow thanks for the feed man appriciate it. More Feed.

Rizzle.

this was good...I really enjoyed the thought and detail you put in this...vocab was great and at times I think I needed a dictionary but all is good..I liked the concept as well i give you a 9.5/10 only because no work is truly perfect :) keep it up

Thanks hun. More Feed.

Rizzle.

Feed please.

Hmmm...like i've told yo before this was very very good and your adapted style is very fluid and emotive. Plus i beleive you tied it with the image good to further enhance the effect that the wrods had. I believe this is probably your current best piece though i'm sure if you carry on working you can only get better an mean. Like it has been said previously, this had a good balance or i could say a good fusion of topical and poetics..this is the kinda piece where the line between topicals and poems gets a lil cloudy lol..overall i very good piece, i'm personally debating on wether i should nominate it or not, you already know the reasons lol...also...if you could poll your vote it would be great, thanks.

Thanks man. Feed.

*Pushes it to the top*

dope piece friend. much more touched up with poetry than anything, emotions were overwhelming. I know you well and this piece was up to par with my standards of you. All the qualities of a good poem, emotion, word choice, decent scheme for an OM, and imagery was just right. very played topic, but nicely done on your behalf, i'm sure a lot of people end their lives this way, love man, its hard and thats that you expressed that well in this. props man.

rtf on the piece that i post up soon aite. thanks.

peACE

hmmm...this is the second piece ive read today that is really
unique style wise, and i must say shit is real eloquent fam,
i mean your flow looked and felt like it didnt work, yet it did
if that makes any sense lol, to make it more clear...dope
your vocab or rather word choice just added that xtra bit
of spice, and for the topic love u managed to make it interesting
and fresh,very well explored for how short the piece actually
is,overall solid piece , the only thing i hated was that second
verse in blue, i know that fucking song from somewhere, i
cant get it out of my head, though i dont know who sings
it, and its pissing me off...put me outta my misery lmao,
nice anyway...keep rippin those scripts...RTF hit the link, peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

that song is from Pinocchio.

this is a great piece of love...man you came unique yet you kept it real conservative for each stanza that was coming next ya know and you really didnt come expected you came in a real some what original way with the pic aswell was koo man real real deep man i iked the metaphors aswell...the wordage aswell was thought out and really wasnt cramped nor was it too much overused at all man really i liked this pice man keep it up!>

RTF on the link in my sig!

This was a pretty good piece man. I liked how it tied together with the picture so well especially. The wordlplay was nice with Imagery that blew me away. Despite it being so short it caught my attention immediately and I almost felt obligated to read the rest. Lol. It could've had better internals but the vocab. made up for it I suppose.

Quote:

---

Wilted petals of a lilly bud.
Dispursed on a canvas of mind.
Subtle tears inept in blood.
Disguised animosity.........
..to which my hearts confined.

---

^ My favorite part.

The topic was played which made the piece all that much better that you managed to write somethin' so good on Love. I guess that means...Maybe all topics aren't played ? Lol. Keep up man.

RTF on the first link in my sig please.

Thanks, Ace, Mansin, Silent and Mazerka....All four links will get done.

All Done.

Final Rise.

To be so short...this was pretty deep...that means it contained strong content...your wording was perfect...I love the way you write...with much emotion...and characteristic..creativity...for a love piece you handled it in full control differently than I could see any other writer do it...overall great read..nice drop...keep it up..and RTF..

Thanks. Links will be checked.

good OM...Nice and short, but got indepth with your words..vocab was good as it usually is for you...I just felt the ending was a lil to abrupt. Overall tho it was a good piece that captured feelings and flowed good :)

Thanks.

Last Upp.