From The Heart

From The Heart


Who Says You Can'y Die From A broken Heart?

http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j1...h_lw/heart.jpg
Beat...
Beat...
Beat...
Beat...

Still down his chest lies

Beat...
Beat...
Beat...
Beat...

Reason enough for goodbyes

A year earlier

John was never the kind of boy to let loves gleam catch his eye
A few easy ones by and by, until he felt it was time to say goodbye
Then they would cry,and he would be off on his on again, those sins
Done as soon as that angel swept in,he was down for the pin,that wide grin
On his face; she said my name is lynn, her skin outshined the glow of the gym
Her scent of honey,the body of a goddess the first girl one to intimidate him
As he approached her his heart thumped you could see his gleaming sweat
his forehead was so wet,he had to stop and ask a friend for a towelette
he wasn't finished yet, reapproached her this was his last chance, in a trance
Wanting his first real romance not just lust what he felt was enhanced
And as he first talks the vibrant beeating starts
His first real love comingform the heart

6 months after they met

Love flames the problems of the worls are not of concern to them
John and lynn, it was said that thier love you couldn't condemn
Hither an eternity had passed to john, on day at 12 noon mowing the lawn
in his work clothes he asked for lynn's arm, she said yes the day was blessed
lynn began to search for a dress, john for a tuexedo trying to look his best
for the only thing that mattered to either, time passes the days get sweeter
the love turns deeper, flawed affection from neither, sipping love by the liter
And as the days draw nearer the vibrant beating starts
Hes about to exchange vows form the heart

The night before the wedding
John going insane after not seeing jane for a week
decided to go home real quick ans jsut sneak a peak
he drove silently then pulled up on the left side of the street
got out and heard the voice of his fiance and a steady bed creek
he burst in and saw lynn on top of another man,with clinched hands
he cursed god himself and out the doop he ran, lynn came after
apology's flying left and right, john replied with a crying luaghter
his pupils small and red, with fury he ran away
And as tears stream down his cheeks the vibrant beats races
from the heart a sudden change of paces

A week From That Day

John stoped eating, and started pleading for death
To live for there is nothing left carving hearts into his chest
He was found in his room hung both his wrists torn apart
and john recieved his death ultimatly form the heart

Getting links DO NOT CLOSE

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317376

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317368

okay

that shit was raw and emotional.... that fuckin got to me nigga.... nice work.... keep it up

Kinda deep there don't you think truth and i see you rock'n the sig i made for the crew lol but on to the point this was a pretty solid drop from opener to closer very impressed by your progress which is elevate'n at such an unexpected rate, this piece you showed more and more imagry and emotion and thas what really stands out and plus the made the story in the lines of which people can relate to the subject so props to this drop homie your get'n on another level soon enough

Thanks X i appreciate the fact you think i am elevating

serious bro im feelin that for sure descriptive vocabulary although im no where near as good as u guys give me time and im sure ill turn sum eyes ill take this as serious learning progression and then ill ask Malice for the next lesson keep up man ur elevating faster then the speed of sound at this rate i dont think u'll ever touch the ground good job bro be EZ Payce

Yeah word dude, you're getting better at this stuff lol :D This was a good piece.

You're flow was smooth, which is always awesome to see. Imagery was nice. Emotion was packed into this piece, which was awesome also, and your multies were great :)

You really captures my attention with this piece, you've improved heaps.

Kudos to you man, and keep up the great work.

RTF if you can, on one of the first two links in my sig.

Peace. :)

it was alright, i guess i'll give it an 8 out of 10. structure was good. you didnt have a lot of big words but hey, like you said, your shit came from the heart.



John was never the kind of boy to let loves gleam catch his eye
A few easy ones by and by, until he felt it was time to say goodbye
Then they would cry,and he would be off on his on again, those sins
Done as soon as that angel swept in,he was down for the pin,that wide grin

Quote:

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Originally Posted by S.N.I.C

it was alright, i guess i'll give it an 8 out of 10. structure was good. you didnt have a lot of big words but hey, like you said, your shit came from the heart.



John was never the kind of boy to let loves gleam catch his eye
A few easy ones by and by, until he felt it was time to say goodbye
Then they would cry,and he would be off on his on again, those sins
Done as soon as that angel swept in,he was down for the pin,that wide grin

---

lol big words thanks guys

Wow dooopeeee pieceee

I seen the ending comeing soon as i read the frist few lines of the third verse the whole cheating then suicide thing, but it was realll dope

the imagery was wicked as i pictured this completely (even the way jonh looked being dead) the flow was dope, Me and u seem to have the same style of writen?
Anyways this was full of emotion

his forehead was so wet,he had to stop and ask a friend for a towelette

That line seemed out of place thoe forced if u will

But besides that great piece inspiration for me to write some thing now :)

Mabi we can throw dwn a colabb :O

Anyways stay up

RTF http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316803

Up Up yup

Gotta say man since i battled you way back when you started i have to say you have improved so much, this piece was very nice...your emotion in this was top notch and your imagery was good. Your flow was fine and it read well, what i have to say is this piece had alot of ability in that it just drags the reader into it...But overall keep dropping good man and you'll go far no doubt. RTF on my piece ' Love '.

:2thumb: thanks

Wow...ok man thia piece was mad deep and i liked the way you set it up like a story the way it all got better with each paragraph when you uped the dates...nice peice i really liked the way you set it up where lynn cheated on him basicly and then you made john really make the title come out....this is good i liked it

This was a deep peace and pretty onsistnt with the imagery have seen peaes done like this in an while,you used an ryhme scheme that I haven't seen in an while, vocab wa an bit complex witch is an good thing forme bec ause im tired of seeing the same cliche's, the emoton in this peace complimented you imagery, very litte wording problems, ind've got board when reading it becaue it just hd an problem with holding my attento afte capturing it.

yup thats whats UP

dang up

This was a decent drop- definately are elevating which is the important thing. The main thing that I didn't like about this was the outside narritive stance you used in your earlier stanzas, however, you tighted up your naration later in the piece. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors aswell, so, just be careful of those. Uuum, your strong point- emotion. Although, the narration dulled it out in the begining, it picked up further like as I said. Overall this was an average piece... but you're getting better and better, so keep at it.

If you could,
Hollywood ft. Darfur

hmmm this was mostly a good heartfelt drop with some seriouse emotions... on a good tip... on a critical tip... your muti's lacked which slowed down your flow abit... i know your thinking im the ont do be talkking about flow :P but my peices only specially flow for me cause i wrote them.... throw in a few internals... make it just sound that much more like rap... and it will be that much doper..

but really you had some good touchs of imagery in there and the emotion held strong throughout the piece making it not boring to read and fluent in some way

great work... good to finally read some of your stuff..

Twix.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by atticus

This was a decent drop- definately are elevating which is the important thing. The main thing that I didn't like about this was the outside narritive stance you used in your earlier stanzas, however, you tighted up your naration later in the piece. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors aswell, so, just be careful of those. Uuum, your strong point- emotion. Although, the narration dulled it out in the begining, it picked up further like as I said. Overall this was an average piece... but you're getting better and better, so keep at it.

If you could,
Hollywood ft. Darfur

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coolio thanks guys

my last up or so i think

I was really feeling this piece. It was very visual & I liked that alot. The flow became boring in some spots but nothing to bad. YOur vocab was decent. Overall I liked the story & the details.

yeah great piece :) nice flow and great emotion...I really appreciate the fact that a lot of thought was put into this...original and well worth the read..Keep it up :)

you say why rise becuase god said 2 lmao up