[Untitled]

Vocal Remedies
Window shards please in a memoir of breathes
Painting itself in an outlined shaping reflection
Tainting on a willowed seal; a vocal caress
Vital to this infidelity between lovers affection
Monologues of tomorrow’s sayings, how may you go?
My name is Robert, may I have yours in return…
Lullaby’s of rose pedaled nurture; arouse this coal
Hoaxed genocides of love; Polaroid to burn
"The Name is Lilly, but you could call me missy
I ‘m not like all them other girls, I am not sissy or prissy.
I am a Libra, Pride with an outspoken heart I keep
Steadily pushing forth the core of earth palettes.
Striving I hold it steady, Brute strength I sweep
Crushing dreams under nightmares with my demonic malice "


http://tn1-4.deviantart.com/fs11/150...da_Dreamer.jpg

Jelly’s puffed in a circle for this glazed…
Mercury splattered emphasis; plateau’s devoured
Planting my toes to enroot with this kiss of space
copilot of this tune; remedies bide seconds to hours
Sands of time regard; discharge this scarlet mess
Slitting wrists and cutting throats; gutting with finesse
Crossed the arrow and put an X, so the clots crossed dressed
Left in the hands of Jesus, While my blood speaks to express
Fancied mirror hallowed tips; contracted with a melody
Speaking of this harmonic demolition; rising of pitch
Pressed play on this classic; ballad to teased remedies
So I sing a song that carries my heart bleeding for a life to live.

"Would You_____ for Love?
A)KILL
B)DIE
C)SACRIFICE"

Checked all the above; I've let my guard down for my life
I Killed myself over you; as i lay dying of your essence my dear
Your eyes trampled my dreams and coagulated sucha device
Of my sacrifice to you; so i lay to rest while you take the wheel and steer.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317282
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316701

the first time i seen this I thought it was actually kinda nice/dopish na mean,imagery was great because you took your time to describe every scent smell feeling and really got into your character,and i respect that nice drop bruh,your vocab was an bit complex meaning it made me think a bit and your metas were an nice choice not to many wording problems,i especially enjoyed this part.

Quote:

---

Would You_____ for Love?
A)KILL
B)DIE
C)SACRIFICE"

Checked all the above; I've let my guard down for my life
I Killed myself over you; as i lay dying of your essence ny dear
Your eyes trampled my dreams and coagulated sucha device
Of my sacrifice to you; so i lay to rest while you take the wheel and steer.

---

the picture not really sure how that suppose to go with this story but the topic and how you wen't about it was very creative once agin nice drop. Can you rtf honestly on my last battle.

THis was a good piece here and the vocabulary was more broad thant usual. I liked it but the flow did go patchy at times which was a bit of a problem but overall, i liked how you used the concept. Why you named it untitled i got no idea as you've actually titled the piece lol but yeah...the picture doesn't have a big impact on the piece..i mean i can see that you'v said mercury splattered to talk about the sequins but i still believe that i different picture could have been used if you really wanted to use one. Another, positive note is that you've got much better control over the structure now, visual structure isn't damn important but if used effectively can assist the piece therefore, it's good that your not stretching the lines like you have in the past. Overall, it was a good piece, keep striving and you'll get even better.

thanks paka and the picture if you read the lines after it steaduly yes it goes withthe mercury splattered but understand ut ill break it down for you

Jelly’s puffed in a circle for this glazed…
Mercury splattered emphasis; plateau’s devoured
^^how she pailed to that color
Planting my toes to enroot with this kiss of space
copilot of this tune; remedies bide seconds to hours
^^the kiss of space. she is dead nothing she can kiss
Sands of time regard; discharge this scarlet mess
Slitting wrists and cutting throats; gutting with finesse
Crossed the arrow and put an X, so the clots crossed dressed
Left in the hands of Jesus, While my blood speaks to express
^^this whole part right here talks about his slit wrists

I see you have improved a lot since I've been gone. This was nice man, I really liked the imagery in this. You portrayed the picture very well and really got my attention. The emotion was also a very strong point, I could tell you really were feeling what you were sayin. The flow was a bit awkward at times due to some forced wording but it was steady for the most part. I also like how you incorporated the dialogue into the story. Keep progressing this was a good piece, work on wording and transitions. Overall though good nice read.

I think it's cool as far as poetry goes but this doesnt seem like something pertaining to "rap". Besides that, this joint was descriptive and very vivid. I'm diggin it alot..but real talk, we need to keep it "rap" up in here. ~1~

^^
lmfao... cus your mindset it stuck on aabb not abab lmfao.... i hate feeders liek this there fuckin blaint factoers that there is really dumb stupidity in the world yes.. DUMB STUPIDITY cus there too stupid for just having said that there dumb so extend the muthafucka...lol DUMB STUPIDITY

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Silent.

^^
lmfao... cus your mindset it stuck on aabb not abab lmfao.... i hate feeders liek this there fuckin blaint factoers that there is really dumb stupidity in the world yes.. DUMB STUPIDITY cus there too stupid for just having said that there dumb so extend the muthafucka...lol DUMB STUPIDITY

---

let's try it in english this time...

hahaha^^

blah bump.

Shouldn't this be in the poetry section? But anyways, favorite lines were:

Quote:

---

Tainting on a willowed seal; a vocal caress
Vital to this infidelity between lovers affection

---

Quote:

---

Lullaby’s of rose pedaled nurture; arouse this coal
Hoaxed genocides of love; Polaroid to burn

---

Quote:

---

Steadily pushing forth the core of earth palettes.
Striving I hold it steady, Brute strength I sweep
Crushing dreams under nightmares with my demonic malice "

---

Keep it up!

This was pretty nice man, i thought your wordchoice could have been a bit mores smoother because it seemed like sometimes you sacrificed coherency for rhyming, the emotion was well done and besides a few lines, the wordchoice and rhyming was nice...imagery could have been added, esecially to a topic like this one...but overall this was nice man, good job

thanks and i definatley appreciate the feed peeps!.

Good piece. Nice topic and everything. Just one thing, didn't know how the picture went with the topic. But u had very good vocabulary. U're words flowed with ure topic, i liked the Would You_____ for Love?
A)KILL
B)DIE
C)SACRIFICE"

It was dope. It was real deep. Didn't know u we're a text head tho.
Looking forward to seeing more pieces from u..=D

word man thanks.

and the picture if you really read and understand what im saying you would see the pic blend well with the next stanza thats right after the picture

nice vocabulary , i liked ur word play

This was a good piece right here.The Imagry in this piece was real good in this piece you could really picture what was going on.The vocabulary that you use in this piece was real good it amazed me for some reason.And the emotion was good in this piece too.Overall this was a nice read here.You did a good job with this.Keep up the good work :angelsmil

word.

bump

This was a pretty nice drop. The abab format was a nice change. The volcab was used very well. Overall i was able to read straight thru. Keep up the good work. Peace.

cool...
i really enjoyed your vocabulary and complexity in this piece,
it was really well thought out and deep, the approach you
took to this piece seemed to explore the imagery and emotion
in a metaphorical context, yet when i looked deeper there
was also a nice blend of the literal, which is str8, as it shows
versatility, id say ya flow was decent though i dont really
think it matters that much as the storytelling was cool,
and very well explored, luv the complexity, overall nice
easy read, very unique style...keep rippin those scripts, peace

Overall this was a good piece and the vocabulary was nice and it didnt really struggle anywere...The flow was on and off but mainly on and it could use a lil improvement but its easily sorted my friend...i liked the concept...and as pakaveli asked why is this called untitled ? lol...the picture is kinda basic on your next piece ask me for the picture :) haha...But overall this was a good piece there were not any major problems in this at all just a few niggles...so sort them out, keep writing and drop dope, Well done..

Beautifully written. very complex piece. I enjoy the artistry of it, metaphor after metaphor. This type of piece can be as good as the perspective a person makes it. the story is open to interpretation in mind. Very strong emotions. Played topic, but with your unique flow and eloquently spoken message, everything came together very well. Keep writing, only thing I would improve on is the clarity of your message, forming it to be more specific and clarified. aite bro.

peACE

thanks people for th efeed appreciate it very much.

Pretty good piece. It had some nice meta's and an okay flow. The imagery was good, and it poured with emotion. At some points in it I think you could have worded certain parts different but meh, it's still good. Vocab. was good and the rhyme scheme kept me interested. Fav lines. *The end that had already been quoted. Good job once again, and keep up.

thanks appreciate it!

Excellent piece. Wonderful vocabulary, cool story line, lmao, sick multiple choice.

The only thing I didn't see it include were multies, because you had the presentation going fine, with pics, decorated words, and all that other stuff. Great job on this OM man, I'm glad to have you in BIKY.

Keep it up, and I'll keep reading. Just post the link in the crew thread.

1.

pretty decent stuff i liked the way it flowed ... but i think that kid is right this is poetry...but i see people posting poetry in here all the time so who cares? good shit original

its not poetry fucktard read the rhyme scheme lmfao...
ABAB poetry has no rhyme scheme defined man... so...LMFAO @ You

Thanks for the feed appreaciate it much!,

hmmm i felt this was i pretty nice piece...really good vocab work well with the subject you were portraying, subect tho is kinda dated remember shit like this a while back now..

rhyme scheme was nice different which i think made the whole piece different definatly
the standout bit of this piece...real good emotion words worked well with the emotion of the whole piece you had going as well dope...imagery was alright...

Quote:

---

My name is Robert, may I have yours in return…
Lullaby’s of rose pedaled nurture; arouse this coal
Hoaxed genocides of love; Polaroid to burn
"The Name is Lilly, but you could call me missy
I ‘m not like all them other girls, I am not sissy or prissy.
I am a Libra, Pride with an outspoken heart I keep
Steadily pushing forth the core of earth palettes.
Striving I hold it steady, Brute strength I sweep
Crushing dreams under nightmares with my demonic malice "

---

^ i felt that kinda reminded me of like a weird ass fairytale...lol meh


Overall this piece was nice not dope just wasn't feeling it that much. nice drop tho for sure. stay up

pz

Pretty cool, method, I think you wrote this pretty well... I didn't ever get into the flow of it that well, it kept kind of cris-crossing rhythms and finding itself getting rerouted by a new syllable-count of rhymescheme, so in that regard it could use some work, but word-wise this was good. A lot of good descriptions, albeit some of them a bit too vague, still came together for sort of a misty feeling piece, like, I never could quite latch onto this guy but I knew what he was feeling about the girl. GUess I've been there? Usually the feeling is tough to describe, weird strings of words seem to come to mind and that's what kind of happened here.

An interesting read, just a few things that may have called for a few reconstructions on some lines, but mostly a good little piece.

well thanks for the feed appreciate the feed

thanks people for the feed appreciate it very much

The only shortcoming of this piece is that it takes a lot of very close reading to get what the hell is going on...well, to really understand what you're saying anyways. Or what I think you're saying. It's unbelievably dense...which is why it doesn't really work from a hip hop perspective, but from a written poetry/topical perspective it's lovely.

Your imagery is vivid. I espescially liked that. I also like the idea of having pictures in the middle of pieces...is that what they're doing in SS these days? So cool.
Also, the line with the fill in the blank was very creative.
It shows that you put quite a lot of work into this piece, and while the piece may be about vicious, enthralling love, which is not really an original topic, you presented it in an original way.
Nice work.

thanks man your feed is greatly appreciated

bump


this is one of my favorite pieces...lol

watch this is gonna get closed..lol.
gay