Flashback.

….FLASH

The past days of Emmery Glades’ had stayed away.
Until today,
When grades of light invaded his sight with shades of grey.
Black & white unite,
His memory came to play.
It paved a way thru the haze & shade.
Thru the tricks & delays of his mind’s intricate maze.
You see, as he aged…
The years plagued his senses with persistence.
And tenses seemed to fade into the same vague existence.
But Mr. Glades didn’t miss it.
No sir.. Not for an instant.
He insisted, on living now cause that’s how he’d always done it
And when his mind started to take a dive…
He was happy to be alive for the plummet.
He didn’t run from it. He gave it one hundred...
Percent and years.
Rejected tears.
Perfected spears.. from a sharp tongue to protect his fears.
And got his point across to all of his so called respected peers.
Yesteryear was the best, its clear.
Yet, he’s selected to neglect it here.
He’s always veered away from memory lane..
Where his old enemies regret & shame still remain.
Along with their neighbour pain who screams his name…
Only to have blame chime in trying to find him. Insane…
Was his claim.. at the time when it all came tumbling down.
When the walls of reality cracked & crumbled around.
When HE found…
The blood on that man, body on the ground
Shotty in his hands, the muffle of the sound
And now.. after all those years it appears THEY found him.
He’s surrounded with his head pounding & heart racing.
Facing memories he thought he lost…
but never stopped chasing.
Its amazing.. how the mind blocks whatever it hates
And locks up brain cells like cops do inmates
A prisoner of his own mind.. & he finally ecscaped
But was too late..
Mr. Glades had always been afraid of this day’s demise
When you die… Your whole life flashes before your eyes
Goodbye.

BACK…

Werd son, I'm feeling the piece. The rhyme scheme is on point and I'm feeling the topical. I was nodding my head as i was reading the verse and I was feeling it, I could hear a beat with that. If I was you, i would record that, put a hook to it and all. Nice piece, the only thing i could say is fix ur structure.

Thanks.. feedback is appreciated.

Heyy


Flow was good
But your lines were all diffrent sizes and shit some short some long, but i kno why u did it but try not too, makes shit look ugly lol
Every thing elles was rather average
topic was iite, just a major thing enhace ur vocab and your basic ryme skeme n u doo fineeee

RTF: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316803

holy shit SON! the multies and flow and everything was just whoa! the concept is played but you still managed to make it your own. Mr. Glades sounds like he had a normal life of hatred, peace, relaxation, pain, and the normal qualities of a persons life. This piece definitley represented what "your life flashes before your eyes" really means. you really caught my attention with that flow though. I was more focused on the words you used and how perfectly they went together than the ACTUAL piece man! lol, shit was dope seriously. great job. i think i'll nominate it just because i enjoyed it more than normal. great read, thank you.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317022

^don't sleep

The past days of Emmery Glades’ had stayed away.
Until today,
When grades of light invaded his sight with shades of grey.
Black & white unite,
His memory came to play.
It paved a way thru the haze & shade.
Thru the tricks & delays of his mind’s intricate maze.

^^Good Way To Open Up

Perfected spears.. from a sharp tongue to protect his fears.
And got his point across to all of his so called respected peers.

^^Nice.

The blood on that man, body on the ground
Shotty in his hands, the muffle of the sound
And now.. after all those years it appears THEY found him.
He’s surrounded with his head pounding & heart racing.
Facing memories he thought he lost…
but never stopped chasing.

^^Haha, Good shit.

Good to see you back fam, Glad to see something that's worth my time in the OM section. Your rhyme scheme was illy in this one good multi usage aswell. Flow was kinda nice too. Cool story like how you told it. Holla @ me when you drop some new ish fam. Stay up &` keep ya sword sharp.
- Peace Easy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Maaco

Heyy


Flow was good
But your lines were all diffrent sizes and shit some short some long, but i kno why u did it but try not too, makes shit look ugly lol
Every thing elles was rather average
topic was iite, just a major thing enhace ur vocab and your basic ryme skeme n u doo fineeee

RTF: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316803

---

LMAO ^^^^^^ at this kid schooling me on how to write and what not to do.. LOLOLOL... ok dude.. i will increase my vocab and ryme skeme as soon as you learn how to spell

Lol at dudes being critical on the length of your lines and shit. It doesnt matter at all. Its not like if some dude heard a song on the radio he'd go, "damn son i bet when he was writing that song on his pad, that line was short as compared to the line above it. dudes wack!". It stilled flow really really dope so it doesnt matter. But yeah this was really good shit. I really liked it towards the end cause to me it felt like you were picking up alot of momentum and the piece all came together well. Great emotion and good job at flipping a playedish sorta concept and making it original.

dude, your structure's fucked! lines are too long, and too short, and that just makes the whole piece wack... doesn't matter that your imagery was fire... doesn't matter that it flowed brilliantly... doesn't matter that there was emotion, and the read easily threw the reader into Mr. Glades shoes, allowing them to feel as he was feeling, and understand his basic philosophy on life... It was wack, because your structure was fucked. Fix your structure and it will be dope.



hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....
I hate kids like that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Split.

dude, your structure's fucked! lines are too long, and too short, and that just makes the whole piece wack... doesn't matter that your imagery was fire... doesn't matter that it flowed brilliantly... doesn't matter that there was emotion, and the read easily threw the reader into Mr. Glades shoes, allowing them to feel as he was feeling, and understand his basic philosophy on life... It was wack, because your structure was fucked. Fix your structure and it will be dope.



hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....
I hate kids like that.

---

LOL.. you made me laugh out loud with that... lol.. thanks i needed that

But yeah i appreciate the feedback.. ( I APOLOGIZE ABOUT MY STRUCTURE.... :2thumb: )

Very, Very nice drop, diffently one of the best this month, it flowed nice through every line, its every word clashed with another lol, the structre couldve looked better but that doesnt matter with how nice it flowed, the imagery has to be one of the best things about this whole om, this is deff HOF worth, good job...keep up and check the sig.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Evolve

LOL.. you made me laugh out loud with that... lol.. thanks i needed that

But yeah i appreciate the feedback.. ( I APOLOGIZE ABOUT MY STRUCTURE.... :2thumb: )

---

well, as long as you're sorry.

haha, no problem... I get that shit all the time myself. fucka structure... they're pointless templates that these 15 y/o believe is crucial to a good piece, which as I'm absolutely sure you're aware of... Is not the case.

impressive drop

the flow was a pleasure to read
and i think i'm correct in that while you had a story about mr. glades and a murder in his past or whateever, it was almost unimportant, because readers get so drawn into the flow and can relate to the strange whims of recollection

He’s always veered away from memory lane..
Where his old enemies regret & shame still remain.
Along with their neighbour pain who screams his name…
Only to have blame chime in trying to find him. Insane…
Was his claim..

you also did a great job personifying the emotions-which really lets everyone relate i think

truly a pleasure to read

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317082

Quote:

---

The past days of Emmery Glades’ had stayed away.
Until today,
When grades of light invaded his sight with shades of grey.
Black & white unite,
His memory came to play.
It paved a way thru the haze & shade.
Thru the tricks & delays of his mind’s intricate maze.

---

Flow is very good! Wordplay is hot as well. Favorite lines were: The past days of Emmery Glades’ had stayed away.
Until today,
When grades of light invaded his sight with shades of grey.

Quote:

---

You see, as he aged…
The years plagued his senses with persistence.
And tenses seemed to fade into the same vague existence.
But Mr. Glades didn’t miss it.
No sir.. Not for an instant.

---

Flow is still very good! First two lines were hot!

Quote:

---

He insisted, on living now cause that’s how he’d always done it
And when his mind started to take a dive…
He was happy to be alive for the plummet.
He didn’t run from it. He gave it one hundred...
Percent and years.
Rejected tears.
Perfected spears.. from a sharp tongue to protect his fears.
And got his point across to all of his so called respected peers.
Yesteryear was the best, its clear.
Yet, he’s selected to neglect it here.
He’s always veered away from memory lane..
Where his old enemies regret & shame still remain.
Along with their neighbour pain who screams his name…
Only to have blame chime in trying to find him. Insane…
Was his claim.. at the time when it all came tumbling down.
When the walls of reality cracked & crumbled around.
When HE found…
The blood on that man, body on the ground
Shotty in his hands, the muffle of the sound
And now.. after all those years it appears THEY found him.
He’s surrounded with his head pounding & heart racing.
Facing memories he thought he lost…
but never stopped chasing.
Its amazing.. how the mind blocks whatever it hates
And locks up brain cells like cops do inmates
A prisoner of his own mind.. & he finally ecscaped
But was too late..
Mr. Glades had always been afraid of this day’s demise
When you die… Your whole life flashes before your eyes
Goodbye.

---

I'ma just quote all of this cuz damn it was hot. You kept the flow up the whole way through! That was impressive! Liked the beginning a little better than the end though, but overall hottness!

thanks.. appreciated

the flow was like a braid, a bunch of different rhyme skemes and multis that fix into each other, which i thought was really clever. the vocabulary was phenominal, very very extensive. the imagery about a mans not-so-easy life, but being glad hes alive, plot was good. im not even going to bug about the structure because its not how nice it looks, its how nice it is. sure there were great lines in this verse, but one stood out in perfect insight, highlighting the basic conception of this piece.

He’s surrounded with his head pounding & heart racing.
Facing memories he thought he lost…
but never stopped chasing.

that bit is what made my thoughts start going. real nice piece. i hope to get some feed from an om writer like u in return...

oo shit this poem was mad good!! i liked it alot good shit man and keep the pieces comin

Quote:

---

His memory came to play.
It paved a way thru the haze & shade.
Thru the tricks & delays of his mind’s intricate maze

---

Put that together nice .

Quote:

---

He’s surrounded with his head pounding & heart racing.
Facing memories he thought he lost…
but never stopped chasing.

---

Altogether the drop was on point, you white, blk? .
Doesn't matter, the knowledge you have seems like it goes far. Keep em comin
Wanna see the next one.

This was a brilliant piece, astonishing at how it is so unique, I see it differently from all the other pieces in this section, very well done.

You're flow was smooth, and at times seemed perfectly timed. Imagery was spot on, I could really see everything you were saying. Emotion was there. And multies were great too :)

Excellent job dude, Kudos.

Congratulations on this successful piece, looking forward to your future scripts.

Please RTF if possible :)