Mellifluous Lullaby

Mellifluous Lullaby


Melodies of symphony fill the room with rejoice
Mellow lyrics are sung, in a soft whispering voice
The sound played is soothing, known to lift spirits
Listening ears are satisfied every time they hear it
…Bells ring
……Voices sing
………Guitars string
…………Dancers swing
Musical notes fill the room with joy and pleasure
Hearing the sounds is like finding buried treasure
The melody played puts children to sleep at night
The words are said to give light with every recite
…………Dancers swing
………Guitars string
……Voices sing
…Bells ring
While rocking the cradle, babies enjoy the sound
Gracious voices heard, the sounds are renowned
Sounds of delight lifting souls to a higher grade
The sounds have pleased, since they were made
…Bells ring
……Voices sing
………Guitars string
…………Dancers swing
Notes of all kinds occupying the bars of this song
Flawless flows are playing, with nothing wrong
It’s a long song, but quickly heals a broken heart
As the ending just as significant as the start

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...21#post5272721
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...32#post5272732

This was a good piece, especially since you normally do text, this was great :)

Your flow was there, and I could pick it up real easy, you had smooth concepts which painted images in my head, and you had a very unique and eye-catching structure.

But since this is feedback, if there was something you need to improve on, it has to be your multies. I saw about one in your piece, and that was all.... To say the least, it left me quite dissappointed.

You have the vocabulary locked, now all you need to do is try and include some nice multies into your piece.

But never-the-less, this was a nice, simple, relaxing piece. Kudos to you :)

RTF by reading "The Blind Perspective" and PMing me some feed - Peace and Cheers fam. :)

this piece really stood out to me because of its title...but the topic has been done and did before. nonetheless you brought in your own style and made it different with your nice structure and flow...

Quote:

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…Bells ring
……Voices sing
………Guitars string
…………Dancers swing

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i like how you alternated the words every section...that really gave the piece a sense of melody if you know what i mean....very simple piece but yet so complexing which is why i think you did a very good job in writing this...good job son..
plz hit the topical battle in my sig...thanks.

def feeling this work, flow was on point.. vocab was cool, punches came raw.. and the emotion was good.

I was feeling It, sorry to keep It short... keep doing you!

Thanks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eidetic image

def feeling this work, flow was on point.. vocab was cool, punches came raw.. and the emotion was good.

I was feeling It, sorry to keep It short... keep doing you!

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^^need to leave decent feed, herb!

Anyway this piece was good as the other members have said. You have excellent vocab, that is what stood out i wud say. Your lines all were very well written and i have nothing bad to say apart from you can only get better.

Your structure was very strong aswell i also was feeling that. the way you layed out everything was good. defo keep dropping.

Upping.

laff. Iunno bout this, i guess its good, what was the point though?

was there a meaning, i didnt see it

This piece was nice... good creativeness.. ur vocab by far stood out as did ur wording..very well written..
Your structure was nice and the flow was flawless like it said it was rofl.. figures :bored:
this was an excellent read nice short poetic and smooth good job

You really should go topical Wyte, this was quite nice. I liked how you stuck on the topic, and didn't stray. However, I didn't like your choice of wordplay, it could have been alot more elevated. Your flow was good, and everything stayed together. Here's my favorite lines from you:
While rocking the cradle, babies enjoy the sound
Gracious voices heard, the sounds are renowned
Easily the best line. The wordplay here was somewhat elevated, and the structure was nice. Flow was on-point also. Now here's my least favorite:
It’s a long song, but quickly heals a broken heart
As the ending just as significant as the start
Nice ending, but the wordplay sucked. "Heart, and start" are two played rhyming words. Just elevate on your wordplay a bit more. Overall, this was nice wyte, and keep dropping OM's.

Thanks People.

Upping.

not really the kind of script im feeling...but shit is real chilled
i found my self just leaning ciggarette in my hand just chilled
not much more i can say just a chilled mellow piece...coo
keep em commin fam peace....

Thanks.

Upping.