"Life's Countenance"

Outstanding torment withheld with spells expressed
with chastised bells- But fret not reader, all is well in
this..well of hell- shells expel leaving spirits to dwell as
well- Fleeing from the scene of a fabricated dream I
tell- Tales of potential exploits..Is there not hope?
Succumbing to the moshpits of oppression my inner
demon holds to life's confession- Leaving brands of
progression with a slight impression..it looks as if I've
lost my direction, so I look to the skies and I rise like
and erection-
Despite the affection I fight the infection,
to fight and keep stepping I write the connection-
Between newbirth and old death, Tall hope and
small dreams.
Prophetical visions display the future in all things.
My countenance-
gives off the past because present life is too difficult-
all accounts of it.Crimson skies bleed the blood of life's
hardship- commencing life's chronicles as it sticks to me
like barnicles...LIFE!!-
Is a pot-o-gold as long as it doesn't tarnish you, as Moses
did I parted through and molded it to particles exposed
the shit to articles, the truth is approaching- Speeding..
weaving- without reasonable being so why the denial?..
when the more tribulations fought only heighten the
trial?
I pardon you to fathom-

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=314903
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=314969

bump......dont sleep plz wake up..

wow.....rise

mmmm... this drop is excellent within all aspects... your vocab was not too complex great for comprehension... ur structure was great so it flowed well...

favorite lines:
Despite the affection I fight the infection,
to fight and keep stepping I write the connection-
Between newbirth and old death, Tall hope and
small dreams.
Prophetical visions display the future in all things.

between newbirth and old death really got me... i was feeling the whole peice overall great fuCcin read

HIT UP THE SIG

up..

I enjoyed this piece. Your vocabulary was understandable without being basic and you had a lot of natural feeling rhymes throughout the whole thing. The topic as a whole was well-developed and your flow was really easy to follow. The oly thing I'd suggest is maybe making your structure a little bit easier to follow too, but writing-wise you have everything there. Dope piece

thanks for feed...

...bump...feed plz...i will feed on two of your pieces honestly if you feed me on this one...i swear...

this piece was well put together and i like how you put your vocab to a point where everyone could stand it you also had some nice imagery you had a nice story concept and this was well thought out and a nice original name for this piece umm you had som really nice lines which imma quote at the end of this piece you also had a a nice structure and the flow was ridiouslously nice pimpin

favorite lines

Despite the affection I fight the infection,
to fight and keep stepping I write the connection-
Between newbirth and old death, Tall hope and
small dreams.
Prophetical visions display the future in all things.
My countenance-
gives off the past because present life is too difficult-
all accounts of it.Crimson skies bleed the blood of life's
hardship- commencing life's chronicles as it sticks to me
like barnicles...LIFE!!-


Nice drop

thanks for feed...bump

way too much focus on meter and rhyme scheme. when you get to the point where you say "with" 8+ times in a matter of 1 bar for the sake of pacing meter... it's time to move on. i mean, the piece itself was pretty much lost in a mass "good sound" and sweet nothing that rolled off the tongue. i do see potential in you as a writer, because despite the excess of overbearing rhyme there was the heart of a poet burried under that choas. just tone it down and find a managable balance, you should be set after that.

some good shit up in there you spit like nostradamus with a god complex

This was unexpectedly cool, I was just sort of perusing the forums and clicked on it and it kind of got me from the start, like, "woah, this guy isn't terrible at all. Okay, he's pretty decent, the rhymescheme is original..."

Then,

Quote:

---

Despite the affection I fight the infection,
to fight and keep stepping I write the connection-
Between newbirth and old death, Tall hope and
small dreams.
Prophetical visions display the future in all things.

---

That was the best part, really made me stop and appreciate the verse for being well done, also short and to the point and you're not full of yourself at all, not talking about the same old shit or rambling on for seventy five lines on an Open Mic... a nice piece, deserving of some recognition at the very least for your ability to make the scheme work. Not much of a story here to grasp onto, but you're obviously not new to this and I would like to see a more focused work from you.

stay up, hit the piece in my sig up if you would, I think you'd enjoy it and could take something out of it.

-Engivale

thanks for feed people...i surely will hit those links up...

This was a good piece :) it kept me entertained at times, yet at other stages of the piece, it had me feel like giving up on it.

But if you take a closer look, you had a nice range of vocab, style, and simplicity. You formed a good piece by using the simple building blocks of rap, and shaping something great that expresses how you feel on the certain topic.

Good job, only criticism I have is that you should format your piece a bit better :) Other than that, great work sir.

Looking forward to seeing more from you.

thanks much for feed people..