The Barrel

The Barrel

FORUM:
In this sea of a world I've currently been thrown in a hole
for we are all here for a purpose in which none of us know
Positioned over-populated, cramped and all for one mission
once you hender intuitions and give the side a good gripping
Is when he under you notices your pushing and his slipping
Hopeing and wishing you company he in this unlabled prision
As if the sea alone wasn't worse enough to call our home
Its gets worse inside these baskets and barrels were thrown
alone as reality zones discreet are my feeling while others are shown
sitting, noticing that I'm not fitting inside my head as thoughts roam
Searching for the quick meal to the trap I've been lured
they have no reguards for your life or the pain you've endured
knowing the difference between want and need they're unsure
so they misguide the youth and hide the and proof to catch them pure
Now with battered cells they seek to shatter shells
and pull your feet from under you when success's ladder fell
they're thinking fail as we enhale distinguished smells
and burn the desire of commitment as well O'Hell
KNOw is a display of ignorence as sex sells are
replemishing the minds of quote end quote "future citizens"
These Barrels are cities slums and were all thrown into them


RELLI MAK:
Once had a nice life on display, now in a congested society
I'm among the variety, whose future is full w/ a barrel of anxiety
The journey that awaits me, I'm unaware of it until it surface
Accompanied by my own kind, I'll tell you why I'm still nervous
Their main intention, is 2 keep us couped up like in detention
4 us 2 grow is their prevention, keepin 'no way out' da focus of our attention
Did I mention, I'm tough within w/ rough skin that's hard and firm
Jus cuz I walk around gettin' my feet wet, they think I'm not smart 2 learn
Concerned w/ my destiny, but it's now far outta my control
Captured..sent away..w/ no possibilities of ever getting parole
In this circumference world, it's definitely not sumthn I have'ta like
Knowing that 2 my tragic demise, I'm fulfilling the enemy's appetite
However, now that I'm entrapped, my remaining options r limited
Speechless n motionless in an environment they feel is legitimate
My story soon will b sold, on my life I no longer have a hold
Finally, at the end of my road..carried off w/ another barrel of load

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e1...e/untitled.jpg

LINKS

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313906

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313455

good lyrics. good piece, it was ver good, really. it stood strong. favorite line:

In this sea of a world I've currently been thrown in a hole
for we are all here for a purpose in which none of us know
Positioned over-populated, cramped and all for one mission
once you hender intuitions and give the side a good gripping
Is when he under you notices your pushing and his slipping
Hopeing and wishing you company he in this unlabled prision

hey tell me how you get away from writing at least 40 lines like you did cuaze i did ti once and they closed my post.

Come on man with this getting slept on shit....I leave feed on a lot of shit and then my shit gets slept on............bump :mad:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Forum

Come on man with this getting slept on shit....I leave feed on a lot of shit and then my shit gets slept on............bump :mad:

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bumps again

This was a very deep collab...

Forum:

Your piece was very nicely written ..nice imagery usage...your vocab was quite simple but did the job anyways...multies were also sighted.

Quote:

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Now with battered cells they seek to shatter shells
and pull your feet from under you when success's ladder fell
they're thinking fail as we enhale distinguished smells
and burn the desire of commitment as well O'Hell

---

nicely done sir...I enjoyed yours better out of the two overall..

Relli Mak:

Yours was good as well...i think your flow was off at times which made it harder for me to intelligently read...but i still think you did a nice job...

Quote:

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My story soon will b sold, on my life I no longer have a hold
Finally, at the end of my road..carried off w/ another barrel of load

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although i liked forum's verse better i do think you ended your piece off better..but overall very dope collab guys...rtf on "Hell's Angels" plzz...great appreciated..

Thankx ILL BUMP

ight nice peice......

i dont know u relli mak but topical wise your good if ur new here i can see u as bein another dj... if u stay wit topicals and are very active but u got some nice vocab good flow nice over all peice on your behalf....


forum ive seen alot of ya work this gots to b one of kmy fave u done so far u show that u aint new to this topical shit when u write u got good flow nice vocab great imagry damn dopenes.....

holla

Uppin for more feed peeps..don't sleep..

[I] Cum on man...dis hot shit right chea...upp

bump

bump I'd at least expect to get some decient feed on this....lately O-M's have been getting slept on a lo more than usual....

I like this piece its very different and yall elaborated on the topic, I was feeling this because yall captured the topic.

Forum u doin ya thug thizzle fam. keep writing,

Relli you on ya way up fam. Both of yall have nice verses here, nothing really more to touch on.

Good drop keep it up.

Hit my OM and drop feed.

Verse One

The flow was good and the transitions were smooth. Great imagery, I could picture this in my head as I read through it. Lines that stood out to me...

Quote:

---

In this sea of a world I've currently been thrown in a hole
for we are all here for a purpose in which none of us know
Positioned over-populated, cramped and all for one mission
once you hender intuitions and give the side a good gripping
Is when he under you notices your pushing and his slipping
Hopeing and wishing you company he in this unlabled prision

---

Yeah I know it's been quoted by someone else but I don't care, as soon as I read over that I knew I'd have to quote it.
The Vocab was kept solid throughout this verse so good job.

Verse Two

This was also a pretty good verse I'm glad to see this isn't a piece where one verse is good and another bad, which drags down alot of pieces from nominations and such.

Quote:

---

Once had a nice life on display, now in a congested society
I'm among the variety, whose future is full w/ a barrel of anxiety
The journey that awaits me, I'm unaware of it until it surface
Accompanied by my own kind, I'll tell you why I'm still nervous
Their main intention, is 2 keep us couped up like in detention
4 us 2 grow is their prevention, keepin 'no way out' da focus of our attention

---

This part stood out to me alot despite that, I found some parts of this verse to be a little 'meh' but it still kept solid. Good flow, even with a little rhyme problems in some spots. Imagery was straight, smooth transitions and meta's and similes were apparent so...good job.

Overall

Overall this piece was pretty good, I found it to be refreshing and both had good flow, Vocab, Imagery, Multi's, Meta's, ect...It was good. I found I liked the first verse better than the second but hell, maybe that's just me. Keep up.

appreciated

i liked this collab a lot it was deep and thats wat i like in it good vocab by both good imagery both had some good multi's and meta's

Fav Lines

The journey that awaits me, I'm unaware of it until it surface
Accompanied by my own kind, I'll tell you why I'm still nervous
Their main intention, is 2 keep us couped up like in detention
4 us 2 grow is their prevention, keepin 'no way out' da focus of our attention
Did I mention, I'm tough within w/ rough skin that's hard and firm
Jus cuz I walk around gettin' my feet wet, they think I'm not smart 2 learn


In this sea of a world I've currently been thrown in a hole
for we are all here for a purpose in which none of us know
Positioned over-populated, cramped and all for one mission
once you hender intuitions and give the side a good gripping
Is when he under you notices your pushing and his slipping
Hopeing and wishing you company he in this unlabled prision


overall really good collab good job keep up the writing

Forum: great approach, as soon as you began it never went off topic from that point on, i loved your word usage and vocabulary, your imagery was good aswell, i could picture mostly all of the descriptions you conveyed, you seemed very passionate about the topic i could tell by the mood and tone of your whole verse

Relli Mak: when you began, it wasn't grasping me the way Forum's opening did, but along the middle of your verse it began to become more and more appealing, the only thing i didn't like about your word usage is that in some places you needed stronger words and sometimes the opposite was needed, other than that your flow was easy to follow and your closing was perfect...great depiction again from both of you

!HOLLEER!

Uppin 4 more feed.

Uppin

kool dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1