Revlelations: The 5 horsemen

Book of Revelations: The 5 Horsemen

Pakaveli-Verse 1
The Witness- Verse 2
Forum- Verse 3
Truth- Verse 4
Xplict- Verse 5

“A beast said, come and see”

I saw, and behold a white horse;
And he that sat on him had a bow;
And a crown was given unto him;
And he went forth conquering, and to conquer.

The antichrist or Christ a user of force without force
Stephanos decorates my cranium as I ride a blank horse
Through the course of generations & disciples venerations
Taker of placation and bringer of doomsday dominations
Exhaled a saliva constructed of words that made my homes
In the lobes of listeners, they glistened my bow with stones
I carry it with no arrow expected submission created hate
Berated by pupils labelled curator of pooled ills a creator’s fate
Yet he conquers men in ten folds a tenfold of lands owned
Honed democratic skills to write bills instructing sadistic kills
Scene stills I see a matrix of rationed blood spilling, life loaned
Brave stoned & the wise scribes voluntarily digest gullibility pills
Terminal tumours spread as I raged with a benign force ahead
Horseman men follow on, offering you ruined red wine & bread

“There went out another horse that was red;
And power was given to him that sat thereon
To take peace from the earth,
And that they should kill one another;
And there was given unto him a great sword.”

I ride, my sword raised, equipped for conflict
Without soul or conscience, focused on a single target
My presence ends worldly peace, for it is in the scripts
When the red horseman rides, the end of the world has started
Bloody corpses, and lonely horses, decorate this barren land
Men fight for breath, they fight to death, not one survivor stands
Blood drips unto the sallow sand, marking the end of man
I wreak havoc, my lord’s takeover has gone to plan
I’m contraband, from a haunted land, hell is where I hang my hat
I walk earth in bodily form, A horseman of four, a god of war
Countries fight for power….not knowing they’ll all be trapped
In the web of lies, that my lord has spun, they’re hopelessly strapped
For when I ride, the black horseman follows suit
Apocalyptic demons, roaming this dying world for our loot
So beware, this is the beginning of the end, for your populace
Because when Hell rises, you will be destroyed with haste

“Beheld, and lo a black horse;
And he that sat on him had a
Pair of balances in his hand.”

My costumed face hides the eyes of the unwise in times demise
2 cents into “wheat & barley making sure thou hurt not the oil and wine”
holding calibrations for preparations of simple remunerations
sub sequential to the inflation of hunger your soon to be facing
I stand upon thine horse with thy scale embroiled he after I will be frail
from falsified espousal's of peace to blood spills and sword's impaled
As I myself suffice life's rights to ignite millions of hunger strikes
preparing for life's bearings you need to see there's no might
As I unman my horse the perfect absorber of light's shields
Ye will need thy once hence forth these barren fields
Slaves of unfair trade will allow my neighbouring terminus
for all is unfair amongst the 4 horsemen yet your life's behind us

“I looked, and behold a pale horse;
And his name that sat on him was Death,
And Hell followed with him.”

The ground lay flailed; life fails all hail Death on wars tail
Infants’ impaled, their stench stale, my eyes cold and pale
Watching extermination, I crush all creation without patience
I have a determination for acceleration of my annihilation
Mass eradication, without discrimination, manifestation
Revelation, of the expiration caused by this mass abomination
Society decay's, into a pit of disarray, hopelessness and dismay
Killing sprees, plague, disease, the shriek of banshees
Debris, floating across these, bloody seas, fear me
I’m am impossible to avoid, the inevitable death

http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/7...titled1yt4.jpg
“Power was given unto them
over the fourth part of the earth,
To kill with sword, and with hunger,
With death and with the beasts of the earth.”

"I saw Heaven opened,
and behold, a white horse!
On his robe and on his thigh
he has a name inscribed, King of kings
and Lord of lords."
So Satan’s children ran the lands and killed any others
The sacred millions had no chance.. sunk in sand & smothered
They were armed with blades, bombs and rapid fire weapons
Caused harm to the great, dumb and those close to perfection
Destroyed the earths race and controlled the clouds above
Deployed fractured faces to wrap chains on those in love
Took one step left and felt the flames in my heart
Fire came with my breath and my skin was singed dark
I who fed the hungry & cured the blind he who controls your fate
Will Change the Torture because you my child shall be great
So many nights and days through this amazing maze
Wish a halo could light my ways through this blazing haze

"He who sat upon it is
called Faithful and True,
and in righteousness he judges"

Good Job everyone!

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313362
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313376

Very fuckin long but 10 times as good as any other open mic i have read this is by far one of the best collabs to hit open mic yet..pak you came with nice flow some good multies...vocab was complex at times but you didnt keep it to complex which kept me reading and you had a very good strutre and did you're part of the collab very good the verse that stood out the most was you'res...Witness you came very nice with some real good lines then maybe had a couple of lines that werent as good...and you're strutre was alright it was kinda messy but you made up for it with the dopeness and creativty of you're verse..Forum you're verse was good and fit in nice.. strutre was a bit of a mess but had some good and some bad lines but most of the time you kept me intrested with real good flow some multies and a creative verse....Truth you came nice with you're flow...off at times but kept a nice strutre and had a good sense of vocab to keep me intrested...you're verse deff fit in just how it was spose to and you had a real good read....Talent you closed it perfectly...you're verse was one of the best here...flow was on point and stayed up...strutre was nice wasnt to sloppy...had some good multies and kept up on you're verse and ended it nicely..very good collab you all did good and made this worth HOF keep up.

thanx uppin for more feed dont sleep on this collab

Hahaha! Oh, you just had to one-up IJL's collab, didn't you? ;)
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309560

Nice job here.
Pakaveli: Good internals, metaphor and use of imagery that flowed nicely.
The Witness: Strong imagery and good use of language. End rhyme was a little erratic but you kept a rhythm going between lines that worked well.
Forum: Good internals and OK imagery.
Truth: Tight internal multis and imagery here. Good stuff.
Xplicit: Great flow of internals, multis and solid imagery. A great verse to finish off with.

Overall consistency of you guys was pretty good, although having done a collab on this already I was a little detached from the concept.

lol..i didn't know about the other one damn lol

Abstanti Collectives piece is better IMO....but this is good...will leave longer feed later....

yall should have no sleep on this may i say. this was by far the best piece i have read so far. first verse was a real good opener it made me wish that it was longer. the vocab in it was good but not so good that i didnt understand the verse. second verse was good also words were put together near perfectly. never once did i see any flaws....seeing how the red horse man this one already caught my attention. third verse, my favorite, caught my attention like no other, the imagery was unreal in this verse. other verses might have been better breaking it down with necessities but for some reason i liked this one the best. fourth verse was dope too, shit they all were but i liked the rhyne scheme best in this one, i thought it was kool how you used the big words but still made them rhyme together. the last bar of your verse i liked very much. now for the fifth and final verse. we all know the opener and closer needs to be dope. so many ppl would try to overdue the verse and end up coming forced. you didnt, you came with a good all around verse that summed it up perfectly.

overall this one very well put together piece, although no verse was perfect they were different and had unique qualities, just like the four horsemen, good job o each and every one of you. this is def. a HOF om.

Theme is way overplayed. And I'm not sure how I feel about using scripture referencnes as preludes to each verse. The Bible explains it much better and to concoct a verse or exhume some descriptional addition just lends to butchery. Technically the rhyme schemes were well put together and the structure/aesthetics were nice, but I found the content lacking and too much constraining, unnecessary vocab. Basically after reading it my impression was, wow that was a great display of literary talent, but it ment nothing to me; meaning it didn't grab me emotionally.

I have to agree with Mindless that a lot of the vocabulary was unneeded, but it did display a some amazing lyrical capabilities. I thought it painted an extremely dark picture, which was the point of the collab, and kept me reading til' the end. I enjoyed it, and it did mean something to me. Very talented.

thanks,up

This was a great read overall. The topic was dope and the writer's pieced this one together perfectly. The imagery was good in each verse though some conatin over used vocab. still good though shows talent and awarness. If this is what it looks like on this site .................WELCOME ME !

Yup thanks for all the comments, i appreciate them.

Edit: Yup Wit, i realised i spelt it wrong lol

do you realise you spelt the title wrong?

lol :p

nice piece from all of you. lol, man, pak, i love your writing but it just feels like you're always doing the same thing - and i can't understand why it always seems that way. i love your writing and the style, flow, diction is usually very strong ... but in the end i always feel like you're doing the same things over and over because all of your concepts boarder the same greater source. i'd really loooooove to see you branch out a bit more and touch upon some less familiar ground so we can see some more versatility. now, that being said ... your section was great, i loved it all. content was very strong in every sense and really didn't have anything that should be altered. second - Witness? i think? decent, not quite as strong as pak's verse and for that reason i think that maybe your part should have been first so that the piece had more of a growth effect, but, it was still a consistant piece. i just didn't particularly care for the tense you decided to use, i feel like it distanced the reader by talking in more of a third person narrative. third verse - Forum, never heard of you until now ... not bad though. i really loved that opening line and it really set the mood right for your section. again with you i dont feel like it was quite to pak's level which makes the arrangement of the verses slightly questionable, but as a solitary element i really did enjoy your part and i feel like that was one of my favorites. forth verse - Truth, my least favorite of the drop. i couldn't connect with your verse at all. the first lined had such a strong flow, and like forum i've never heard of you before this either, so i was looking forward to another "new talent" that i could keep an eye out for ... but right after that first line the piece fell off for me and because of the stop and go quality of the flow with the excessive use of camas, i got extremely board with it. also that stop and go really made your single syllable internals stand out and rather than blend the surrounding content they just became a focal point and took away from the contectual integrity of your section. fith verse - xplict, average. i feel like it should have been stronger being as it was the final punch and was supposed to sum up all the previous verses, so by taking that place as the last verse you put alot of pressure on yourself - and i dont think you really pulled through well enough. it was just too much of a typical conclusion, the way you started off a summery of sorts with "so this-so that" which completely dissengadges your section from the previous one's and rather than becoming a cohesive element you've just ostrasized your work from that of the others. also in quite a few places your diction/word placement could have been much stronger and that would have helped strengthen your section. so ya, a more cooperative tense and better wording could have really helped. aaaaaah, is that it? overall as a whole, i'd say this was average - simply because the arrangement of the verses could have worked alittle better so that the piece could feel as it was getting better rather than winding down. i looooooved the settup though, with those little exerps before and in between the stanza's, along with that image you used closer to the end. all of that was great, really help the individual verses come together and it strengthened the imagery of the piece as a whole. sooooooooooooooo ya, i'm done ... and i hate you all for writing so fucking much.

if you would, Abstanti Collective's newest collab ...
"Anathema"

Yup thanks for the extensive comments Atticus...i've read half of your piece but distractions stop me reading it all, i'll get it before this week ends no doubt. Once again thanks..i'll try branching out soon lol^.

thankx for the feed Atticus! appreciate it ! Now that's how you leave feed. I'll RTF in a minute.

uping

this was a nice collab...nothing forced in here..though the concept of this is sorta played you all approached in predictable ways but gave your cerses all a twist to make it somewhat original in a way...you all brought forth your besta nd made it well worth the longread...the multies in this were great and the metaphors that were implamented were just finely assigned..great job all of you for doing such a nice collab..you all blended and never strayed off topic....nice vocaba nd content....emotion in this piece was divine as all of you grabbed it and stride!..nice job again...

ok besides paka and forum the rest of you RTF on samantha C. Hensley link in the sig

Bump

uppin for feed will return feed

i left you guys a full page of feed ... you going to hit that link or what?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by atticus

i left you guys a full page of feed ... you going to hit that link or what?

---

COunt on it i will get it before the week ends as i had said, it's Eid time i'm celebrating...just came on in college to see what's going on lol

word i have been busy but toda is early realease so i should hit it up about 2:00 pm eastern time aight

“There went out another horse that was red;
And power was given to him that sat thereon
To take peace from the earth,
And that they should kill one another;
And there was given unto him a great sword.”

I ride, my sword raised, equipped for conflict
Without soul or conscience, focused on a single target
My presence ends worldly peace, for it is in the scripts
When the red horseman rides, the end of the world has started
Bloody corpses, and lonely horses, decorate this barren land
Men fight for breath, they fight to death, not one survivor stands
Blood drips unto the sallow sand, marking the end of man
I wreak havoc, my lord’s takeover has gone to plan
I’m contraband, from a haunted land, hell is where I hang my hat
I walk earth in bodily form, A horseman of four, a god of war
Countries fight for power….not knowing they’ll all be trapped
In the web of lies, that my lord has spun, they’re hopelessly strapped
For when I ride, the black horseman follows suit
Apocalyptic demons, roaming this dying world for our loot
So beware, this is the beginning of the end, for your populace
Because when Hell rises, you will be destroyed with haste

this whole fuckin verse was the shit. shit was good. i'm speachless.

Yup Witness is dope^...links returned.

uppers and yeah wit is dope as all hell so is pak and x and forum lol

Exhaled a saliva constructed of words that made my homes
In the lobes of listeners, they glistened my bow with stones

the parts i read and dug some.--=

Yet he conquers men in ten folds a tenfold of lands owned
Honed democratic skills to write bills instructing sadistic kills
Scene stills I see a matrix of rationed blood spilling, life loaned
Brave stoned & the wise scribes voluntarily digest gullibility pills


nice rhyme skills involved here for real.........wording and imagery was crafted well

and my feedback is somewhat cut short for reasons of fair judgement

so

bless

DOPENESS. Bump

upppinng err mandid flee

Dope and to think i was suppose to be in this *sigh* oh well i got the next one lol

lmao yeah we'll get you next time

Yup Greed drop dopeness next time...my last up^.

BUMP

uppin this piece cus its outstanding.

Yup no more ups are needed as this has got enough appreciation, thanks.

yea this is a bad ass piece here, yall boys touched it on all bases ya understand.
The emotion, imagery, it was versatile, stanzas was so so, the flow, the concepts, the whole thought process for this is the reason its in the HOF ya dig. Really feeling hte piece and I'm looking for another one, I know its coming.

Hit up my piece, all of yall and drop me some feed.