the I is 1

.
.
.
I
Am
Still an
Artiste, plus
This is just the
Surface, layers of dust
Secrete slogans
Deep omens
Verified
By
I
Beyond azure skies, I see the Orbs’ vistas
Struck by its auras… reduced to whispers
Seducing listeners using lips moving listless
Fire Rivers spill terrors - producing blisters
Land of predators, menaces, and jealousies
Kids in jailhouses, sentences swell disease
You can smell a beast in dumb infidel systems
Just turn your nostrils from west to east
& inhale tensions leaked from citadel dictions
Cowboy killers leave no scalp on fell victims
Rebels walk green miles from the cell
Greeted by smiles hoping hell binds a spell
Around the cerebellum of another bloody felon
So electrifying, noose tying, or a lethal injection
Last prayer before death requests astral projection
A
Kill For a kill
An
Ill For an ill
Hate for hate
Love for love
Rising
Above the
Mountains & hills
I
Die
Daily
As death
Greets ‘me
Blocks my footsteps
Completely
Resurrect
Deity
The
I
The Spirit within minds-eye
That climbs high in hindsight
Predicting life’s cinema by the limelight
Depicting signs bright, dazzled
Frazzled fornicators fight puzzled
Dozens of agitators form tight huddles
As lifeblood of Nobles lays smite in puddles
No cuddles for the slain so painfully
The acts of Cane remain Able shamefully
Bloodstained in eternity murderously written
Under strain, Mother Nature’s beauty is stricken
Unsentimental senates determine firm hatred
So even the repented are therefore Terminated
I’ve imprinted journals since time was created
Still war rages on in these cities of David
I
Fall
Then rise
Seven times
Seventy ‘times
The unkind tell lies
Despising even peaceful allies
Alibi makers muse
Under disguise
And choose
To excuse
The
I
Is
1

This was actualy pretty nice;

The wording was nice and flow was smooth. The Creativty was plain amazing with a nice creative Structre. The Imagenary was well done as well with a good point of view. Overall nice peice. Keep elevating. Keep Writing.

~Blind.

P:S Hit up the link.

yeah f'sho^


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313418

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313276

ah nice, first piece i've gotten to all day that i've really enjoyed. everything was just very acurately placed and well thought. I loved the structuring with the diamond patterned poem, i'm drawing a blank on what that style is called but ya, everything in those tiny pits were extremely sharp and concise so it just had this biting and very effective punch to them. the actual meat of the drop also had those shorter-poetic styled lines which i always love, i use those myself, they just get to the point much faster and make the sense of fluency so strong because you have to pack so much into such a smaller space. great flow, original lines and thoughtfully content. i really liked this alot actually ... nice job man.

if you would, Abstanti Collective's newest collab ...
"Anathema"

thanx for checking it out blood


ill read your link soon tonite. and reply tommorow


and yeah those diamond shapes. originaly was a mathematic pattern i used to like doing in school. it was like a grid thing with numbers and when you draw a line between each number it formes a diamond..... . never known of it as a writing stlye tho.....ha


pz

ya, it's pissing me off that i can't think of it because it's such a standard form ... i'll have to look it up cuz it's starting to really irritate me that i can't remember

Surprisingly.. when i read the title i thought it would be a real noobish piece, but it turned out to be not bad.. more poetical than anything to be honest, yet, it suited alright in the OM section. the rhymescheme was uniqe and interesting, really kept me reading.. you displayed some good metaphorical speach... i bit of abstract wording, but not quite enough in my opinion.. you coulda put a little more into it i think... besides from the scheme, i didnt really like the rhymes.. you lacked multis for sure, and all the words u rhymed showed little complexity.. flow and structure was on point... the topic could have used a little more thinking out.. i'd like to see you write to something more demonic and mysterious.. i think that would turn out pretty good

all in all good work.. sorry for the shitty feed, but i got a headache and i have like 3-4 more 2 feed 2day...

there are quite a few multies in this joint.lol.

demonic shit?. then those demons gonna wanna fuck me up and shit........

pz1

cough!

This is the first rhyme i've read on the site, and i'm realy impressed. your "diamond poem" technique isn't something ive seen in a lot of raps, but it worked. you got a good vocabulary, which helped ensure your rhyme was strong as possible. good transitions between rhymes as well. realy cold, poetic style, and good multies, too.

^ cheers.glad you got to liking something within my creation. yeah i used that diamond ish b4 ... so went back to it and on the road of proggressing it further

pz1

Refreshing to read something worth my precious minutes...
You had good imagery and a unique style in this writing that seemed to make me want to read it more and more. Your vocab was great and your rhyme scheme was too. I don't know about the name of this 'diamond' thing you're all talking about but it seemed to get the job done. Structure was good and on point giving me the ability to slide through the lines easily. The only thing that caught me was a few problems where syllables might not have matched off but they're hardly a big deal so.

Quote:

---

Beyond azure skies, I see the Orbs’ vistas
Struck by its auras… reduced to whispers
Seducing listeners using lips moving listless
Fire Rivers spill terrors - producing blisters

---

^That's fire.

Quote:

---

Bloodstained in eternity murderously written
Under strain, Mother Nature’s beauty is stricken
Unsentimental senates determine firm hatred
So even the repented are therefore Terminated

---

^Also a good few lines that esp. caught my eye.


Keep up. Check one of my drops when you get a chance.

f'sho

raisin

up to the tippety tip top

This was a great peice. You had a good flow and you kept it steady througout. You had good use of multis. You have a very unique writing style and it was good to read something orgianal.

safe for the llok yo


1