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Follow The Leader
http://www.3dartspace.com/3dart/imag...reHead_sml.jpg
Follow The Leader
Taking steps, we march on slow into our daily races
Look out and in to find nothing but our paling faces
Not understanding the plots our lives will carry out
So we do as yesterday and continue to move about
Accepting the gift without taking it once for granted
We don't like these days, for we are just demanded
Set apart from oneself, to make way for other glory
Glancing back only to see myself in others like me
Frightened and battered, my thoughts start to fade
My skin in the sunlight, now beginning to peel away
I see nobody is different, all with the same purpose
To exalt and magnify the life of an unnamed person
As the heaven's stretch and the clouds open wide
I see my reason for life, hidden on my hearts inside
Not knowing it was there, I startled and stuttered
Like a robot would, I began my day like every other
Today seemed different oddly so, I didn't get it yet
But when I heard the voice, this I will never forget
"...what does the LORD your God require of you?
He requires you to fear him, to live according to his
will, to love and worship him with all your heart...."
The master plan is tarnished, yet we can try to fix it
Follow your heart, not your mind, that is the mission
Though inconsistent, if we cotinue to stay persistent
We can know how to follow the path of our existence
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Pretty coo drop fam, Structure was nice. (reminded me of mines). Flow was good throught struc helped it alot. Conten and creativity were very well displyed, Impressive. Story and the meaning behind it was pretty cool could've been a little better tho none of the less;
I see nobody is different, all with the same purpose
To exalt and magnify the life of an unnamed person
As the heaven's stretch and the clouds open wide
I see my reason for life, hidden on my hearts inside
Today seemed different oddly so, I didn't get it yet
But when I heard the voice, this I will never forget
^^Feelin those lines, Keep it up fam.
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ight this was a real good peice no lie
ur structure was there VERY easy ta read
and it really couldnt look anymore proffessional
the flow i was DEFITLY feeling..it was there
i could EASILY envision this to a beat
vocab was pretty complex but not too complex
to the point that it loses its meaning
and it was still wordz people are familiar wit
so props to that all the way
wasnt too long niether it was about enough
ta comfortably read it doesnt drag on
and it isnt too short so props for that too
i'd give this a 9/10 keep it up
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I'll get to yours soon Ex Cal...sorry been busy...more feed please people
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This was a pretty cool piece all in all. I don't believe you're a new member though. The rhymes were so cordinated, but that fit well in this piece. The only thing I would say is loosen up man. Your structure was so tight though, and you could've made it more sleek. You know? good piece though man, keep writing. I'll be looking forward to it.
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Not understanding the plots our lives will carry out
So we do as yesterday and continue to move about
Accepting the gift without taking it once for granted
We don't like these days, for we are just demanded
Set apart from oneself, to make way for other glory
Glancing back only to see myself in others like me
Frightened and battered, my thoughts start to fade
My skin in the sunlight, now beginning to peel away
I see nobody is different, all with the same purpose
To exalt and magnify the life of an unnamed person
This was very nice mann you have a very nice rhyme scheme mann an i like your use of words this piece was well thought out and you had a very nice rhyme schem i like your imagery a lot in this piece i like this drop and and look foward to reading ur pieces in the future
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hit my piece up a Breathless Death
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i definatli like the last 4 lines...
and this one
Frightened and battered, my thoughts start to fade
My skin in the sunlight, now beginning to peel away
i thought you had a pretty simple set of vocabulary here but it was still enough to make it an interesting read... the topic has been touhed on quite often... and i felt you didint really bring anything unique to it... however you coverd the basics well and came out a with an above average read... well done... you write alot like i did in my first stages of writing... nice work.
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Nice peice, Good non-stop flow, that really helped it, plus ur strucutre was about perfect so it wasent wacked out to read, the vocab used was pretty good, very intersting topic though it has been used sometimes, still made it a uniqe one
Though inconsistent, if we cotinue to stay persistent
We can know how to follow the path of our existence
thats the best line i liked, the closer...to me, it accutaly ment somthing, made me think about this OM even deeper...Good Read, hope to see more OM's from you in the future
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uppin this for more feed...will get to the other links soon
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This was a cool piece, from the visual presentation to the content all was in check. YOur story or solilquay was very good though your vocab was limited in parts as repetitiveness commenced once in a while. Nothing serious though, i really liked the rhyming all properly done to allow the flow to pick up and emerse the reader into the scene that is being carried out. A good piece with very good description. Overall, i liekd it, nothing much more i can say, except reach out for more concepts and use a braoder range of vocabulary and myabe paly around with more imagery. Very good fresh piece indeed, Stay up^.
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good drop i like some of ur lines that made this pice go ova the top and keep me readin it
like the's
Glancing back only to see myself in others like me
Frightened and battered, my thoughts start to fade
My skin in the sunlight, now beginning to peel away
that right there also made the picture come out and mean more then what i though it would
rtf check out my OM in the sig
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this was NICE. although the flow and mechanics were sort of simple, the content made up for it. it was very thought provoking. its not like other short pieces which lack content, this was the perfect length and it did its job. i especially liked the last 6 lines.
hit up my OM, "prison and betrayal."
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this was a really good drop the first i have seen from you and i like it alot...you had a really nice strutre goin on that was easy to read and not many stretched lines...you had some real good sense of vocabs put the right words in the right place and it wasnt to simple nor complex....had some aight multies couldve been better...and you told the story very creative alot better than i thought it was gonna be...keep up and hit the sig,
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uppin this once more and I will get to the links ASAP guys
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Nice drop homie haven't read one of your pieces in a minute i guess you haven't drop'd lately, but the imagry was impressive the only thing that stood out to me was the lessened vocabulary which could've been so much better but it was worded well and flowed good the emotion was beautiful i was really feel'n this drop homie especially these lines qouted below
The master plan is tarnished, yet we can try to fix it
Follow your heart, not your mind, that is the mission
Though inconsistent, if we cotinue to stay persistent
We can know how to follow the path of our existence
Props homie
RTF
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Nice;
The wording was nice. the flow was great and smooth. The emotion was deep and I understood you're meanings clearly. The structre was wonderful. Nice Imagenary and Creativty. Keep up the great work. Kit up Music With Melody.
~Blind
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this was an impressive piece considering it was your first yet. there's definately a competent sense of know-how, so i assume you write alot even if not in open mic format usually. the storyline was cool, good sequence and fluency to the content which is rare in a new writer - esp. on this site. your faults are definately in your diction/word placement, and in your flow and rhyme scheme. at this point, your storytelling and contectual properties exceed the level your basics are at ... so i'd suggest working on your fundementals by incorperating some assonance and alliteration while still working with multi-syllable rhyme schemes and internals. with the diction thing, it's really hit or miss - just a feel kind of thing. it's all just trial and error, but just read other's works and you'll start to learn how the placement of a single word could make all the difference in the fluency of both your content and your meter. keep writing/reading, you'll get it.
