Crew Battle
Mr. P GankSta vs The Witness
40 lines max
House Rules
Due 2 days after check
Topics
Loose shillings for.....
Gratings of Epedemic Stature
Printable View
Crew Battle
Mr. P GankSta vs The Witness
40 lines max
House Rules
Due 2 days after check
Topics
Loose shillings for.....
Gratings of Epedemic Stature
Check....due in 2 days that would make it wednesday max for both of us....G/L it's gonna be di0pe
word check. Finally we get to battle lol I'll drop on my witness name, I'll have it back by then. Goodluck mate, let's make this DiOpe DiOpe powder
Loose shillings for…..
………………….another song?
*Puts money in the jukebox*
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...h_05-30-80.jpg
“One love…. Let’s get together and feel all right.”
Born as a concoction of 2 cultures, half-caste they whisper
Vultures ridiculed the light pigment when it was really simpler
Lispers of love with snatches of hashish to brew a banger
Club hanger with a message of danger, Rasta’s burning manger
Stranger beware, don’t falter in the path of “Exodus”, a snare
Roping babies with umbilical chords, Babylon hordes laughing
Carving craniums I remember the “Slave Driver” & his marking
Orders barking “mon me” back be arching, under a pressure pot
No way to measure the stressor of a failed assassination plot
What Babylon got? They got a rebellion against the apprehension
Captivity breeds animals into man but I better mention “Redemption”
“Get up Stand up” blares threw the speaker a track changed
Lack pained so the tack maimed and pinned a country re-framed
Jamaica Jamaica…I breathe out the weed cloud sheathe drought
Speak out words that need knowing, flowing on empty…….
*Please insert money*
An irony that when the flow was speaking what we should know
Monetary issues once again oblique our view only speak to crow
Retreat to blow, a few shillings worth of wisdom is all we need
To breed a generation, forget idle veneration time acts in speed
Shillings kept in greed, weed out the weak yet the weak rebel
Intellectual droplets leak out their minds to teach & foretell
Ring Ring Ring………………………….
I murder the bell no longer wanting to further this hell
Smell the discourse of governmental lore, explore then ignore
Me; you think I like this gore, mop my words blood off the floor
All I asked of were a few shillings…..to hear that song once more
Loose change: A story of Faith
http://www.moederdegans.be/Sara/Imag...rit-dancer.jpg
'Belief can set you free'
‘What you choose to call hell, we call home’
A single heart beat is a gelid reminder of life
The knife splits the stone, sparks ignite the night
With amber light, tell me, can you do the Samba right?
Famine, blight, and all plagues, cast out of site
Tonight we rejoice, let the Gods hear our voice
Sacrifice your lives, your wives, and your boys
We are one as a tribe, and the white man’s bribe
We’re annoyed
These beasts mock our civilisation, our lifestyle
As I load my pistol, patient, with a bright smile
Hatred burns, with the passion of a thousand fires
My soul is alight, my conscience has expired
Nothing but animals, dancing around their shacks with joy
Prancing up and down, on that innocent shackled boy
They cast a tumour in my humour, adding to my despise
These bags under my eyes, can’t disguise my surprise
But we’ve got guys on our side, that will fight with their life
Only one of our squadrons will suffice, these demons die tonight
A blinding light, disturbs our glorious parade
We draw our weapons, and dart to our warrior’s aid
Before we can see it, we’re stuck in a cross fire
We fall on our knees, and solely depend on our ‘flyers’
The men in the trees, that can blend in with leafs
They swing like trapeze, and help when we’re in need
One, two, three, these soldiers are dropping like flies
They will not survive, the Gods are on our side
I grip my weapon, a custom built Smith & Wesson
And squeeze to teach this filth a lesson
‘where are they sir? Are they gone? They’ve disappeared’
‘I don’t know, but be sure to keep your pistol near’
These words are barely muttered as they crash down
A flash of brown, but not a struggle, not a sound
We have been beaten, my soul is retreating, it’s leaving
I weep a song of sorrow, as I’m kicked and beaten
‘have you any last words, before you’re left to die in this hole?’
Yes, can you spare loose change, for a homeless soul?’
Faith is our greatest weapon
Let's get some votes up in here.
Yup Yup, G/L
I would vote on this but I can't for the simple reason the topic
alone is garbage. It doesn't even make sense. But, both the
heads on this did come creative.
Pakaveli through some insane words in there and The Witness
had a good story riding to it. But like I said, I can't vote on
something I don't understand. Whoever picked the topic
should be forced to recieve a blow job from a man infected
with oral herpes.
Props :thumbup:
I came up with the topic...off the head...but i aint giving you anything lol^.
UP Up Up^^^
up #3..........am i wasting ups......................
Up.
witness dude i gonna drop a vers on our battle??
Im going to have to give this vote to witness he had some deep shit it was a close battle to me but witness just took his shit to a higher level
You are about to be banned...vote DQed
-Fue
Witness i'm deleting that vote.................if he does not come back and leave a better explanantion....
Ok guys this was sooooooo fucking hard for me to vote on,seriously.You guys really did battle your hearts out and it is making it that much harder for me to vote as you are to of my good friends.So first of all I'd like to say well done to you both.
Pak-Man you did a good job here on this one.Bob would have loved to read this.I found your wording very good but in places it could have been better.It was structured out nicely making it easy for me to read.Your creativity was impressive,you really showed how much knowledge you have on him and detailed everything very well.The flow in some places fell off in places also but it did pick up and run smoothly,and another thing I like about this drop is,that I learned something new.Nice piece
The Witness- Well you fucking made it hard for me you fuck.You had some really nice imagery and emotion in this piece.You had a good little storyline here which you displayed very well.I feel that your lines were a tad bit streched.You should of shortened them a small bit.Like Pak you had nice wording and creativity and you are showing everyone what you are all about.Nice job
Overall-I don't think I should vote on this battle due to the fact that it is hard for me to pick between two good friends.I will ponder to myself and come back with a verdict,thats if you REALLY want me to vote on this battle.Nice job both of you :)
feel free dude. I will if you don'tQuote:
Originally Posted by Pakaveli
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Witness.
Yup....as for DYL, i don't want to put you in too much pain lol....thanks for the extensive comments....#4
Last up...#5...where the votes votes.
First off, I'd like to say that damn this was a great read from both. Going to be kind of hard to vote.
Pakaveli
Kudos to you man. You have really evolved as a writer to greater heights unseen. From the start to finish of your peace I was intrigued. OMFG at the flow you had. The words just swayed in my mind and it's like I was hearing the story instead of reading it. The vocabulary you put in this piece was crazy yo. Just a great piece all around. And you've stepped it up with your rhyming technique but never changed your style. Love that. The rhyming was great and the emotion put into this was beautiful. Great piece Pak. Seriously man, post this up in OM if you haven't already so you can get HoF because it's worth it. I loved the read.
The Witness
Really loved the piece man. The story was very good and the rhyme scheme that you portrayed here was great. You didn't jump off the walls with vocab this time which truly surprised me. It seems as though you took a layed back approach and just let it flow into a great story. Very good imagery here man. I appreciated the picture of the warfare inside of my mind. The flow on an overall was good but there was one part where it fell off, just one line though. So it was still on point man. Really loved the read.
Conclusion
This was a very good topical battle. One that I actually enjoyed which hasn't happened in a while. It was very close but Pakaveli got this one imo. His flow was just great and his vocab and incorporating Bob Marley's songs into the piece was genious and original. It was seriously just a great piece. Both should truly keep writing. I'd like to read as much as I can from you two. Good battle you guys.
\\//Pakaveli
Thanks for the vote dude, thanks for taking the time to read. It's appreciated.
Upping.
oh shit i forgot topicals have like 10 ups or something lol......................................
darn good battle here folks.
ok back to the subject!...
Paka
you did very splendid here man...very evolutionized as one of the best writers...you had me from start to finish with great animosity and will of complexity and creativity. you emotion really spoke proudly here in this piece and seeing as its based also on one of the greatest song writers of worlds problems and shit you did fare off and did great witht the topic!. you came very well original and came at it with a mission...your detailed description and sense of wording was great!. some minor flaws nothing really popped off in a wrong way!..you did well man nice job enojoyable read!. :2thumb:
Witness
dude this was hard.....really really hard. ok i liked your piece aswell...you worded your sentences nicely and accordingly to a certain emotino that really brokedown what you were sayin without having to really think. you captured me in a sense of focus!...really i was just eye glued to your verse strolling down SLOWLY!..reading everyline word for word and saw the internal metaphors also that really struck me seeing as it was placed that on purpose and not by accident which popped to me as a nice creative idea and made me want more. you did have a little attention grasping fall here and there which like really made me mad cus ill be reading it and then it'll fall of..like not really inticing me...ya know like how you started off...which made it kinda hard but nothing really big to mention or even discuss more of..
CONCLUSION
ok writing is writing!....emotion and way of wordings and sense of complexity with vocab stand out the most to me in a piece if i were to write and read vote!. paka you had the emotion and vocab. witness you had the sense of complexity and the wording!. so its kinda hard. but my vote goes to..........
Paka..by a hairline man..both of you did fare and well off...butto me paka's verse just inticed me more and made me enjoy it more....he had a more deeper emotion than you witness that really got the ball rolling!.
kudos to you both man!...nice job great battle! :2thumb:
uppin this crew battle for Pak
damn you guys crew members are not alowed to battle each other i mean really what the fuck is wrong with you guys we are a damn team and you split us apart anymore actions like this will not be tolorated i will boot you both outta TNL with out any questions.
JP LOL anyways on to the voting you both had awesome verses let me start off by saying that on the reals you both have elevated so much in so little time from what ive seen in the past. Pak great storytelling appraoch on the topic yours goes to more of a character in life which i like alot with great emotion and vocab usage you styed on top of it. The Wit same with you my man great storytelling i lked where it went and cool concept the picture showed what you ment alot and your words corresponded with that. so both of you guys i felt came equal but i am going to vote on which story i liked and kept me more interested and i will vote....
The witness
but great job guys glad to have such awesome members in my crew
Pakaveli - This was a nice well constructed piece and like dyl said lol bob would have liked it haha.....You had some good creativity in here, it stood out.....You detaioled your piece and put it together very well.....IT read well but in some places did fall off but nothing to drastic.....Overall nice piece 9/10.
The Witness - Your imagery in this was dope and you had good emotion.....You like Pakaveli had good creativity in your piece and had decent flow but it did fall off in places but whatever.....Overall - Your piece was good also but i felt just by writing style i liked Paks verse no hate homie your verse 8.99/10.
Dope Battle :thumbup:
Thanks for the votes. Upping
Pak- you had a very nice verse, I enjoyed reading it. It had fairly nice multies, great storyline, not really any metaphores but the multies and storyline made up for it. You stayed consistant the whole verse, and I think your stepping your game up.
Witness- what the hell at the end.. lol.. anyways, you had decent multies as well, nice vocabulary, and pretty decent storyline. I felt that you kind of went too simplistic in some parts, you could have done a LOT more in like.. 3 parts that were vital to the storyline.. Anyways, you did pretty good.. keep writing.
Overall- Pak, I think you edged this one out by a HAIR.. it was very close, plus, I kind of knew more of what your story was about. Dont get me wrong, Witness, you were up to par, its just those few places you fell off. And thats what gave him the W.
v/Pak. Keep writing.
ooohhhh shit k...
Paka- well this was really close you had nice wordplay in there had sum creative lines had alot of emoticon i enjoyed readin it i'm not that much of a fan of topicals but i liked this one anyways nice piece keep writeing iight cuz yours was pretty good-9/10
Witness- yours was pretty fuckin good too had alot of emoticon had alot of effort put into it and you gave it alot of thought it was also a good read u didn't have alot of creative words witch surprised me abit i thought u would but anyways dope drop nice story line...-9/10
well this was pretty fuckin close but i think pak edged this one by a hair i liked his drop abit better kk no hate but this was a pretty amazin battle keep writin these topicals both of u ya make this site even better kk..
vote//pak